


Blood Eagle

by Dreamshaper



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: F/F, The FBI AU nobody asked for, and a bit of creepiness, and profiling, because I'm me XD, but also Holtzbert, this has blood and murder (cause FBI)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 33
Words: 48,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22546630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dreamshaper/pseuds/Dreamshaper
Summary: A gruesome killer is on the loose, and to stop them, FBI Team Leader Rebecca Gorin knows she needs to bring in a former colleague and expert at her field. As criminals are chased and the case is worked on, personal relationships develop and change, and a danger going deeper than any of them would have thought is discovered...
Relationships: Erin Gilbert/Jillian Holtzmann
Comments: 54
Kudos: 105





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is yet another (quite long) AU. XD I'm AU trash, I can't help it. Let me know what you think :D

Abby Yates had seen many things during her career, but this new scene topped most of them, and she could actually feel her stomach turn as she took in the display, the smell of iron heavy in the air, impossible to confuse for anything else.

“Well”, a voice from her left distracted her from her observations, the clipped tone telling her who it was even before she turned her head to look, her eyes meeting Dr Gorin’s as the elder woman was looking at her instead of the scene, “that is a level we haven’t had in a while. Quite artful, too.”

“That’s one way to put it”, Abby replied diplomatically; the taller woman gave her a brief, tight smile, then stepped away from her for a closer look, seemingly forgetting all about her as she studied what had been left behind.

So, Abby was quite surprised when yet another person joined the scene and Gorin, without bothering to even turn her head, said “not yet”, and stopped the newcomer dead in her tracks.

“What do you mean, not yet”, Abby wanted to know after a few seconds had ticked by and she had exchanged confused glances with the newcomer, “what are we waiting for?”

In response, Gorin straightened up and turned to look at them again; another tight-lipped smile followed, but it did nothing to soften the blow when the tall woman replied.

“You, Dr Yates”, she said, and her tone showed Abby that she was about to hear something unpleasant, no matter which nice words the elder woman would choose, “are one of our best. And we all know how good Holtzmann here is at her job. But I’m afraid this will not be enough, we’ll need the big guns.”

“You’re not suggesting what I think you want to suggest, are you”, Abby gave back, while Holtzmann just looked confused, raising an eyebrow at the look Dr Gorin shot her in response, answering her without having to say another word.

“No”, Abby said firmly, crossing her arms over her chest, “absolutely not.”

“You know I would not suggest this if I didn’t think it was necessary”, Gorin replied, earning another stern look from the smaller woman, “but for this, the manpower we have might not be enough. I will bring her in on this no matter what you say, the question is, do you want to talk to her, or should I?”

“…I’ll do it”, Abby gave in with a heavy sigh, knowing that arguing wouldn’t lead anywhere, “this will be upsetting either way, but if it’s me, it might soften the blow.”

“Go there now then”, Dr Gorin instructed, unimpressed by how dismayed Abby looked, “we need her on this quickly.”

Holtzmann still looked confused, but knew better than to ask; instead, she just watched how Abby nodded, then turned and marched off, stepping onto the tiled floor a bit harder than perhaps necessary, wondering what that all had been about, but figuring that she’d find out sooner or later.

* * *

Already when she had gotten up this morning, Erin had felt as if something bad was about to happen, and almost had called in sick, having learned during her forty-two years that trusting her gut was usually a good thing.

She hadn’t, in the end, but now she wished she had, as she trailed off in front of her class and fell into an embarrassing silence, the moment the door to the lecture hall opened and Abby stepped inside.

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t seen her ever since she had changed careers, they still were friends, best friends even, and met regularly, but the way Abby looked at her, apologetic and with a bit of concern, told Erin that this wasn’t a social visit even before the other woman had to say anything.

“Um”, she broke the silence, unable to stop her fingers from fidgeting at her sides as she looked from her friend to the students, a sea of confused faces staring back at her, and making her feel even more self-conscious, as if the interruption of the lecture had been her fault.

“Class is over early today”, she added, feeling a bit better when most students looked disappointed instead of relieved, “I’ll see you all next week.”

As they left the lecture hall, the students cast curious looks at Abby, but none of them dared ask any questions; and not long after, Erin and Abby were alone in the large room, and Erin crossed her arms over her chest, shaking her head before Abby had the chance to say something.

“No”, she added for emphasis, “I know why you’re here, and the answer is no. I’m done with this and you know it.”

“I didn’t even tell you what I want”, Abby defended herself, even though it was futile, something Erin made pretty clear from the look she shot the other woman; her shoulders slumped, and she sighed, giving the redhead another apologetic look before she continued.

“Okay, yes, that is what I want”, she admitted, earning another _look_ from Erin, “but… Erin, you know I wouldn’t come to you if there was any other way. The team needs you for this one.”

“No, the team doesn’t”, Erin shot back, not really surprising Abby, “you have more than enough skills to solve whatever it is. You don’t need me, and I don’t need this in my life again.”

“I told Dr Gorin you wouldn’t do it”, Abby said back, apparently giving up surprisingly quick, even though Erin suspected she wouldn’t be let off the hook that easily, something which got confirmed just as quickly as Abby apparently had given up when her friend reached into her bag and pulled out a thick folder.

“Gorin wants me to give this to you”, she said, holding it out to Erin, who stared at it as if it was a poisonous snake which might bite her any moment, “it’s a copy, not the original, of course, so it’s up to you if you look at it or ditch it.”

Abby held the folder out a few moments longer, then, when Erin made no move to take it, carefully placed it on the redhead’s desk; she gave her another apologetic look, then let her know she’d call her – “for a meeting between friends, not business” – before she headed out, Erin staring after her, barely aware of how she crossed her arms over her stomach protectively as her gaze moved from the now empty doorway to the folder, the room suddenly feeling small and stifling as she looked at it, knowing what it would contain without having to open it.

* * *

“I told you she’s not going to do it”, Abby said as she arrived at the scene in the next day and Dr Gorin gave her a questioning look, “you might as well let have Holtzmann do her thing yesterday. Hopefully this delay won’t make her work harder for her.”

“No worries”, Holtzmann answered her, popping up from behind the main focus of her work a few feet away and making Abby jump, “I don’t think it has any consequences, whoever did that knew what they were doing. I can’t say for sure until we got this back to the lab, but I don’t think I’ll find anything useful.”

“You won’t”, a third voice threw in before Abby or Gorin could react, and Abby spun around with her eyes going wide; thanks to that, she missed the small, tight smile on Gorin’s face, but Erin didn’t, her expression hardening in response as she took another step closer.

“Just so we’re clear”, she said, not giving any of them the chance to say something, “I’m not doing this for you, Dr Gorin. Or, no offense Abby, for you. I’m doing it to stop this before it… can get worse, and once this has been resolved, I’m gone again.”

“I’m aware of that”, Dr Gorin replied, unimpressed, “and I thank you for your help. You are ready to get to work right away?”

“Yes”, Erin said, with a small resigned sigh; she took note of the young blonde woman who stared at her as if she was some sort of strange creature, but ignored her for now, figuring that introductions could be made later.

She took in a deep breath as she stepped closer, the iron smell of blood hitting her nostrils; she could see at once how the man had died, the open back and the cracked ribs and the ropes which held him in the kneeling position he had died in.

Behind her, she could hear Abby and Gorin talking, not to her, but to each other; and then, she took in a deep breath and closed her eyes, and it all faded away as her mind worked and whirred and _changed_ , it was a bit frightening that she could still do this with such ease, she still had time to realize, and then she opened her eyes again and saw through the murderer’s eyes, the people around her gone and forgotten.


	2. Chapter 2

_I have to be quick so he won’t have a chance to fight back.  
_ _I surprise him from behind, he never sees me coming.  
_ _A quick blow to the head stuns him, but doesn’t take him out, I don’t hit him hard enough to leave a wound there.  
_ _I want him to be awake for this.  
_ _I want him to suffer.  
_ _I tie him up quickly, hands first, then his feet. I finish before he can regain his wits enough to fight.  
_ _Then I take my time because I want him to suffer.  
_ _I cut his clothes first, exposing his back.  
_ _He screams, and he only screams louder when I start cutting into his back, through skin at first, then through muscle.  
_ _I make him suffer as long as I can, and even when he passes out, I don’t stop.  
_ _I crack his ribs and pull out his lungs.  
_ _He is dead and my deed is done.  
_ _Blood eagle. This is my design._

Erin opened her eyes again and let out a shuddery breath, feeling cold sweat on her brow; everyone else in the room was staring at her, but no one said anything, all of them waiting for her to speak up, even though the young blonde woman looked as if she was about to start vibrating with excitement.

“This is not the first time they did this”, Erin said, taking in a deep, controlled breath, “there has been another victim before. At least one. Am I right?”

“Two others before this one”, Gorin confirmed, not truly surprising Erin, but Holtzmann looked even more impressed, an emotion which only grew at what the redhead said next.

“Doctors, like this victim”, she said, sounding thoughtful, and barely registering that Gorin nodded again; she stepped closer to the dead man and took another look, then turned to face the other women, surprised at how firm her own voice was when she continued.

“This is vengeance”, she said, confirming what Abby already had been suspecting, “I imagine you don’t need me to tell you this, but what was done to this man, it’s called a Blood Eagle.”

“Scandinavian”, Abby nodded, “even though it’s doubtful it was truly performed, or if it was just purple prose in their old songs and stories.”

“Well, that guy performed it for sure”, Holtzmann threw in, without taking her eyes off of Erin for even a second, “it was a vengeance thing, no? Like you said.”

“Yes”, Erin confirmed, feeling oddly scrutinized by the blonde, even though there was just admiration in the younger woman’s eyes and no hint of malice, “perhaps it wasn’t done exactly as the poems and stories described but… When it wasn’t used as cruel punishment, it was done by sons avenging their fathers, and I think this is what we are looking at here.”

“We better get on the files of the other victims”, Abby said, making Gorin nod again, “if we find a patient they all had in common…”

“Dr Gilbert”, she then said, and Erin held back a sigh as she knew what would come next, “for this case, you’ll be hired as an external consultant. A part-time agent, so to speak. You are fine with this?”

“Well, the only other option is going back to this full time, and we both know this won’t happen”, Erin replied dryly, unimpressed by the way Dr Gorin raised an eyebrow in response, “so I guess I am fine with it, yeah. We’ll work out the details in your office?”

Dr Gorin nodded, and even though she didn’t look all too happy, Erin let her know she’d meet her there, then; without waiting for the elder woman’s response, the redhead then turned and marched off, the three women looking after her in silence, until Abby spoke up, making the other two focus on her.

“I hope you’re aware that this might not be the healthiest thing for Erin to do”, she said, Holtzmann looking on in curious silence as Dr Gorin nodded, “because I am, and while I’m overjoyed to work with her again, I’m also worried. If she gets too close…”

“I’m confident you will make sure this won’t happen”, Gorin replied, clearly not as concerned as Abby was about this; momentarily, Abby felt angry at this, at how little the other woman seemed to care – before she took in a controlled breath, knowing that blowing up at Gorin would accomplish nothing and lead nowhere.

“I’ll give my best”, she said instead of yelling at the older woman, unable to hold back the next comment though, “because I assume you don’t care enough to even make a token effort. She’s the means to an end for you, isn’t she.”

And with that, she turned and followed Erin outside, not giving the elder woman a chance to respond; raising an eyebrow, Gorin watched her leave, waiting until she was out of earshot before she spoke up, not looking away from the doorway through which Abby had left as she did so.

“Jillian”, she said, making Holtzmann perk up at once, since Dr Gorin only ever addressed her that way when it was just the two of them, claiming that everything else would be unprofessional, “despite what Dr Yates seems to think, I do worry about Dr Gilbert’s well-being. Do keep an eye on her, too, will you?”

“Sure”, Holtzmann replied, even though she wasn’t quite sure what she was supposed to look for – unlike the other three, she was a specialist for forensics, not psychology, but she figured that she’d be told sooner or later, and at least would have a vague idea about possible red flags then, taking another look at the crime scene and the corpse before she left together with Dr Gorin, knowing that for now, her work there was done.

* * *

It had been almost three years since Erin had set foot in Dr Gorin’s office the last time, but a cursory glance told her that not much had changed; a few of the books on psychology had been replaced with updated versions, and a few of the potted plants were different, but the rest was exactly the same, and Erin felt as she always had when she had been called to this office – apprehensive and a bit anxious.

“Dr Gilbert”, Gorin greeted her, gesturing at the chair in front of her massive desk, “have a seat, please. This won’t take long.”

Erin gave a brief nod as she sat down, subconsciously straightening her skirt before she did so; Gorin showed her usual, tight and brief smile, then sat down as well, moving a stack of papers aside before she continued.

“I spoke to Dr Filmore already”, she let Erin know, not really surprising her, the redhead already having known that certainly, Dr Gorin wouldn’t call her to the office if things hadn’t been taken care of already and all that was left for her was to sign the contract, “you’ll get the standard consultant contract, with the addendum that you have the right to a gun, if you want one.”

“Well, I can’t say that I _want_ one”, Erin replied, earning another tight smile, “but it might be better to have one, if I’m going to help you catch a deranged serial killer out for vengeance.”

Her stomach clenched at the last few words, and an image briefly flashed through her mind’s eye, white fabric drenched in blood, before she forcefully pushed it aside, keeping her face carefully neutral the whole time, not wanting to let Gorin notice anything of what was going through her mind.

“You’ll be issued one, then”, Gorin said, handing her the contract as she spoke, “I’m certain Dr Yates or Dr Holtzmann will be happy to accompany you to the shooting range for practice. Dr Holtzmann is our newest member, as you certainly noticed, she’s our forensic scientist.”

Erin just nodded, figuring that Dr Holtzmann had to be the blonde woman she had seen at the crime scene, the younger one who had looked so oddly excited; she took a minute to read through the contract, then held back a sigh as she signed it, feeling as if she was making a mistake, but knowing that she didn’t have much of a choice – she might not want to go back to doing this, but she knew it would save a life, more than one perhaps, and so, it was the only thing she could do.

“Dr Yates and the rest of the team are in their office”, Gorin let her know, not so subtly telling her that this talk was over, “there’s a desk for you, too. You still know the way?”

Erin just nodded, rising from the seat; Dr Gorin gave her a brief, tight smile, then wished her a nice and productive day, the redhead merely giving another nod in response before she grabbed her back and left the office, quickly making her way to the one Abby still used with the rest of the team, trying hard to ignore the twinge in her stomach and the feeling that she was making a mistake going back to this kind of work.


	3. Chapter 3

Just as Dr Gorin had said, a desk had been readied for her in the office the team she had been a part of three years ago had been readied; Abby looked up from her work and smiled at her as she entered, and as Erin moved closer to the desk they had prepared for her, she took note of Dr Holtzmann sitting at another one nearby, looking rather excited again, and a third woman she hadn’t met before, figuring that she had to be another addition to the team.

“Erin”, Abby greeted her, smiling as she rose from her seat, even though Erin could see the concern in the other woman’s eyes, feeling oddly touched by her friend’s worry for her, “hi. You’ve spoken to Dr Gorin?”

“Yes, and signed the contract”, Erin confirmed, managing a smile of her own at how excited Abby looked, even though the concern was still there, “I’m still not sure this is a good idea, but it’s just for this one case so…”

“I’m sure it’ll be okay”, Abby reassured her, earning another weak smile and a nod; she reached out to briefly touch the redhead’s shoulder, then made a vague gesture at the other two women in the room, distracting Erin from her worries by making introductions.

“Erin, let me introduce you to the more or less new members of our team”, she said, making the redhead smile a bit again as she nodded once more, “this is Dr Patty Tolan, she joined shortly after you changed careers. She’s a profiler, but also very knowledgeable about history, which has come in handy more than once. And the blonde looking so excited is Dr Jillian Holtzmann, forensics genius, don’t let her lack of size fool you, she has more energy than all of us combined.”

“Just call me Holtzmann, everyone does”, the blonde said, shaking hands with Erin quite enthusiastically, as if she wanted to prove that she was as energetic as Abby had claimed, “and, um, it’s really an honour to meet you Dr Gilbert, I’ve read the book you wrote with Abby like a thousand times, it’s so good.”

“Thank you”, Erin gave back, figuring that this had to be why the blonde had been so excited back at the crime scene already, “I didn’t know it was required reading for forensics, too…?”

“Oh, it isn’t”, Holtzmann told her, smiling brightly, “but, not to brag, after I’d impressed Dr Gorin during the Riverside Ripper case and she got me into her team, I read it, so I’d know more than just my side of the job.”

“Ah”, Erin let out, having to admit that this was good thinking, and feeling a bit bad that she had no idea of the case the smaller woman was talking about, not having kept up with the world of serial killers after she had stopped working for the FBI, “well, thank you, that’s very kind of you to say.”

Holtzmann gave her another bright smile, and after a moment, Erin smiled back; the blonde seemed a bit strange to her, especially for someone who worked for the FBI, and not just because of her rather eccentric clothing, but then, she figured, if Holtzmann truly was as good at her job as Abby had said, the FBI probably could overlook a violation or two of the dress code.

_Or ten_ , Erin thought to herself as Holtzmann practically bounced to her desk, then made herself focus on Dr Tolan as the impressively tall woman introduced herself and let her know that she could just call her Patty.

“Being called Dr Tolan makes me feel oddly old”, she added with a bright smile, so infectious that Erin smiled back almost automatically; she nodded, then felt that it’d be only polite to have Patty and Holtzmann call her Erin, then, too, and made them the offer, both women practically beaming at her in reply.

“Okay”, Abby said, clapping her hands, “now that everyone knows everyone, let’s get back to work, shall we? We’ve been going through the files of the previous victims, Erin, but we haven’t found anything useful yet.”

Erin raised an eyebrow when Abby dropped a stack of files onto her desk, certainly not having missed _that_ part of the job; still she didn’t complain, but simply nodded and sat down at the desk which had been readied for her, grabbing the first few files and getting to work, soon fully focused on the task, enough that she even for a while forgot her worries about going back to this job.

* * *

“I’m really not used to spending hours brooding over files”, Erin sighed out hours later, as they were leaving the office to get lunch; she rubbed her eyes and earned a sympathetic look from the other three, Abby giving her shoulder a brief reassuring pat while Patty wanted to know if she didn’t spend hours grading papers now.

“Well, yes”, the redhead had to admit, “but those are not as monotonous as those doctor files. And the print is not so tiny.”

“Maybe you have to get glasses”, Abby teased her, making her huff, even though she knew that Abby was just trying to make this easier for her, the brunette all too aware of how Erin felt about going back to this kind of work, “cause I have no problems with the print.”

“I bet glasses would look really good on you”, Holtzmann beamed at her, managing to make her words sound like an actual compliment and avoiding the teasing tone Abby had used, tapping her own yellow-tinted glasses for emphasis, “mine look good on me, no?”

“Um, I guess?” Erin gave back, not quite sure how to answer this – and what did that say about her, she thought to herself a bit sourly, here she was, a woman who had been called an asset to psychology in general and profiling in particular, and still she ended up flailing helplessly whenever someone complimented her, “but, I’m not sure the steel frame and the yellow glass would work for me. No offense.”

“Ah, none taken”, Holtzmann reassured her, with another bright smile, “and, a lil FYI, the yellow glass is cause I’m kinda sensitive to light. Just in case they ever get knocked off or broken or something, don’t freak out if I react… a bit oddly then.”

“Okay?” Erin said, not quite sure how to imagine Holtzmann “reacting oddly”, but figuring this was good to know, with their line of work, “that’s good to know, so thanks for telling me?”

Holtzmann just grinned and shrugged, then they reached the cafeteria; and even though it had been years since Erin had worked for the FBI, she quickly saw a bunch of faces she remembered, and they recognized her, too, some of the men and women looking surprised, others delighted, but at least, she told herself, nobody seemed annoyed or even upset by her making a return.

Several people smiled and nodded at her, a gesture she returned as she made her way to the end of the line with the other three; she wondered if Dr Gorin had made a sort of announcement about her return, if people were aware that she had been hired as an external consultant and wasn’t back for good, but if they were, it didn’t seem as if they cared much.

There also were several new faces, Erin noted as she got her lunch – which still looked as bland as it had during her previous time at the FBI, apparently, the cook hadn’t changed – but not many of those paid them any attention; at least, that was what she thought, until she noticed a young man was glaring, at first thinking that his glare was levelled her way and wondering why, then realizing that he was staring at Holtzmann who was right behind her.

Curious, she made a mental note to ask Holtzmann about this – she didn’t know the blonde well yet, but it seemed quite difficult to not like her, the profiler thought to herself, what with Holtzmann being so friendly and enthusiastic about apparently everything in life, even the bland cafeteria food, judging from the way she started munching it down the second her butt had touched the chair.

“Look”, Patty said, sounding amused, “North is trying to kill you with his glare of doom again, Holtzy.”

“Aw man, again?” Holtzmann gave back, not sounding all too perturbed though, “you’d think he’d give it up sooner or later. It’s been like what, one and a half years?”

“Nineteen months”, Abby supplied, then noticed the questioning look on Erin’s face and smirked, keeping her voice low so the people around wouldn’t hear as she continued, giving the redhead an explanation before she had to ask out loud.

“He wanted the Riverside Ripper case”, the brunette let her know, not really surprising her, as such high-profile cases often had several specialists competing, “but Gorin chose Holtz instead, because of her previous accomplishments. Needless to say, she rocked it, and got the offer to join our team, so he’s been holding a grudge since then.”

“For a while, he told everyone who would listen that Holtzy was chosen because she’s a woman, and we’re a team of females”, Patty said with a roll of her eyes, and prompting Erin to raise an eyebrow, “but Dr Gorin shut that one down pretty quickly. Holtz just did a better job than he did, and he can’t quite handle that. Also, he hit on her and she turned him down.”

“No affairs at the workplace?” Erin guessed as she looked at the blonde again; Holtzmann grinned and took a crunchy bite of one of her fries, then responded, her words making Erin’s cheeks heat up.

“Well, that, yeah”, Holtzmann let her know, winking at her as she continued, “and also, I’m very, _very_ gay. And he’s most definitely not a woman.”

“Ah”, Erin let out, not quite sure what else to say; Holtzmann shot her another wink, then drank noisily through her straw, the redhead cursing herself when she felt her cheeks heat up even further and knew that her blush was deepening.

Clearing her throat, she tried to will the blush away as she took a bite of her food; thankfully, Holtzmann had mercy and didn’t wink at her again, but instead changed the topic by asking her what it was like to teach for the FBI academy, and Erin was absurdly grateful for this as she responded, the awkward moment soon forgotten as she warmed to the topic, neither of them caring much anymore that the guy North kept glaring at them until he had finished his food and left, his angry looks soon forgotten.


	4. Chapter 4

_Dr Gilbert. Fancy meeting you here. Why don’t we have a little… talk.  
_ _You’ve been looking for me for a while, haven’t you.  
_ _Why don’t you let me show you how I work._

“…Erin? Erin!”

Erin flinched as she finally registered that Abby was speaking to her, a bit dismayed when she realized that she had pretty much zoned out at her desk; her stomach clenched painfully as she came back to reality, and she cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks heat up, her embarrassment only growing when she realized that Patty and Holtzmann were looking at her, as well.

“Sorry”, she mumbled, gaze dropping to the files in front of her as she suddenly found it difficult to look any of them in the eye, “I kinda… zoned out there for a moment. Sorry. You were saying?”

Erin knew that Abby only meant well when she gave the other two women a look which clearly asked for some privacy, but it only made her feel worse, as if she was chasing the two away from a place they had been occupying far longer than she herself had.

“Erin”, Abby said again as Holtzmann and Patty left the room, giving them the privacy the brunette had requested, “what were you thinking about?”

“You know what”, Erin replied, running a shaky hand down her face, not surprised that her palm came away covered in sweat; and even though she still felt bad and embarrassed about more or less having chased Patty and Holtzmann from the room, she was glad that they were gone now too as she grabbed her bag and dug through it, quickly finding what she was looking for.

She knew that Patty and Holtzmann were professionals, and possibly quite aware of the reason why she had quit this kind of work a few years ago, but she still didn’t want them to see her take her medication.

She didn’t mind as much that Abby saw, the brunette knowing that she was using these pills; still Abby looked concerned when Erin gulped one of them down dry, not bothering to use water, the brunette reaching out to touch her arm reassuringly once she had put the little orange tube away again.

“You know you can call it quits if it gets too much, right”, Abby half-said, half-asked, “Gorin wants you for this case, but if it takes too much of a toll, you don’t have to do this. No case is worth risking your health.”

“I’ll be fine”, Erin told her, managing a weak smile and prompting Abby to give her arm a brief, but gentle rub, “I just… need a bit of time to get used to this again. Teaching is much less filled with gore and less stressful, you know.”

“Oh, I imagine those students can be a handful, and don’t lie about the gore, I’ve seen some of your presentations”, Abby dryly replied, glad when she got a smile which looked much more convincing than the previous one from Erin in response, smiling back at her and squeezing her arm once more before she pulled back, Erin blushing again at her next words as some of her embarrassment returned.

“I’ll get Patty and Holtz”, the brunette said, “if it’s okay? You know you can have some more alone time if you need it, right?”

“It’s fine”, Erin reassured her, grimacing a bit, “I feel bad that you sent them out, they must think I’m a delicate flower now or something…”

“No, they won’t”, Abby told her, speaking on and answering her next question before she had the chance to ask, “and before you ask, I did not tell them any details. They know as much as anyone else who’s already been around back then knows.”

This wasn’t much, Erin knew; after the incident which had prompted her to quit, the people who’d been working with her had been told it had been for personal reasons, and only those who had been involved in the case during which it had happened had been aware of the details.

“I guess that is something”, she said with a small sigh, earning another reassuring smile from her friend; then, Abby went to get Patty and Holtzmann, the two having waited in the hallway, and Erin was somewhat relieved that they both smiled at her and didn’t look annoyed or contemptuous.

Neither of them commented on what had happened, either, but just went back to work, as if they hadn’t just witnessed some strange behaviour from the newest member of their team; and not long after, Holtzmann let out an excited “Whooo!”, startling the other three, shrugging at the dirty look Abby shot her.

“Don’t look at me like that, Abs”, the blonde said, making Abby snort at the pet name, “cause I think I got something. Check this out.”

She pointed out what she had found, and Abby had to admit that it was good, good enough to justify her excited noise; it was a male patient in his fifties who’d been treated by all three doctors – and according to the file, he’d had an appointment at the latest victim’s practice three days prior to the murder.

“And shortly after that appointment”, Holtzmann pointed out another not unimportant detail she had found, “that guy died. So if this is a son getting vengeance for his father, like Erin said, and he feels that the doctors are to blame…”

“Damn”, Patty let out, making them look at her, “we have to figure out if he went to see another doc after this one. Or we’ll have a new corpse on our hands sooner than expected.”

“His health care”, Erin said, warming to the task at hand despite her reservations about this work, “they will know, we’ll need a court order so they’ll tell us, and quickly. Abby, you’re still working with Judge Lynch?”

“I am”, Abby confirmed, already heading back to her desk and grabbing her phone, “I’ll call her right now, you guys find out which insurance he had in the meantime. This is it guys, I feel it in my bones.”

Erin hoped that she was right, if only because once the perp had been caught, this consulting job would be over; and so, she made herself smile and nod, and ignored the twinge in her stomach as Abby spoke to the judge on the phone, unaware of the way Holtzmann was watching her, concern clearly showing through her eyes.

* * *

Thanks to Abby’s connection, it hadn’t been difficult to get the court order which would give them access to the health care files of the elder man; and once they had checked said files, and had his address and the address of the doctor he had seen a day before his death, the team was on the way, Abby and Erin in one car, Holtzmann and Patty in another.

Deep in thought, Erin looked out the window, feeling calmer now that her medication had kicked in, but still she found herself unable to stop thinking back, unaware of how her fingers fidgeted in her lap, Abby noticing though, glancing from her nervously moving hands to her face, giving her best to sound calm and kind when she said the redhead’s name.

“Once we got this guy, you know you can go back to teaching”, she said, making Erin nod at once, “I’m happy we got to work together again, but I can see what this is doing to you, and I want to kick myself for not talking Gorin out of doing this to you.”

“I agreed to do it”, Erin reminded her, smiling weakly, touched by her friend’s concern, “it’s not like she dragged me into the office by my hair or something. I could have said No but… if we manage to stop this guy before he kills again, it was worth it.”

Abby gave her a small smile and nodded, still looking concerned though; as she had to keep her focus on the road though, she had to look away from Erin again, and thus missed the flash of dismay on the other woman’s face, soon replaced with a look of determination as Erin tightly folded her hands in her lap, just to stop them from fidgeting.

She glanced in the rear view mirror, and could see that Patty and Holtzmann were still right behind them; Holtzmann appeared to be talking to Patty quite excitedly about something, and suddenly, Erin wanted to know what it was, focusing on watching the blonde as much as she could through the little mirror, using the sight to keep her mind away from the dark corners it wanted to stray to.

This caught her attention so thoroughly that she didn’t notice Abby glance at her every now and then, whenever Abby could risk taking her eyes off the road for a second; she was glad that Erin had found something to keep her mind occupied during the drive to the dead man’s address, not quite sure what to think of the fact that Holtzmann was the object of Erin’s fascination.

She had been working with the blonde for a while now, and knew that she had gotten used to her eccentricities, unlike Erin herself; still she didn’t like the thought of Erin treating Holtzmann like some sort of interesting side project, hoping that this wouldn’t bring trouble for the time later on – and completely unaware of how wrong she was about the reason for why Erin was fascinated by Holtzmann like this.


	5. Chapter 5

“Okay”, Abby said as they all assembled in front of the building, “you all got your guns, right? I don’t expect to run into our guy here, that would be a huge coincidence, but one never knows.”

“Armed and dangerous”, Holtzmann replied, saluting and then winking at Erin, the psychologist clearing her throat while her cheeks heated up; Holtzmann grinned while Abby shook her head at the blonde’s antics, then cleared her throat as well, making them all look at her once more.

“Please don’t be dangerous”, she said with a pointed look at Holtzmann, earning an innocent smile from the blonde, “or let the man know that we’re armed. We are here for information, and hope for his cooperation, we don’t want to scare him.”

“Maybe you should do the talking”, Erin suggested, not really surprising her – she usually had done the talking, when it had been the two of them, Erin having had trouble with taking over this part even back then, before the incident, and apparently, she still had that job, even with two more members on the team now, “you’ve always been good at it.”

“I’m too me”, Holtzmann helpfully added, grinning when Erin gave her a small smile; Abby sighed, then nodded, figuring that this was the least she could do to make this easier for Erin, giving the other members of the team close looks to make sure the guns weren’t showing before she led the way, stepping into the building first.

Erin was right behind her, Patty behind Erin, and Holtzmann brought up the rear; quite unfittingly, Holtzmann was whistling a joyful tune to herself, stopping though when Patty gave her a look over her shoulder, still appearing happier than she should be though, considering the reason they were at this place.

The assistant sitting at the front desk looked up when Abby entered, raising an eyebrow at her entourage; she opened her mouth to say something, perhaps ask them to leave, but before she could do so, Abby flashed her badge at her, and she shut her mouth again with an audible click, Erin hearing Holtzmann snort behind her as the forensic scientist held her laughter back.

“Dr Abby Yates, FBI”, Abby introduced herself, putting her badge away again, the woman staring at them in disbelief, “we need to speak to Dr Hudson.”

“He’s with a patient”, the woman brought out, now appearing nervous, making Erin wonder if the doctor had some deep dark secrets of his own or if she just wasn’t used to speaking to FBI agents, “if you’d wait a few minutes…?”

“Sure”, Abby replied, smiling; Erin made herself smile at the woman, too, then followed Abby to the seats in the waiting room, sitting down next to her, ignoring how the people there eyed them curiously, glad when attention shifted from her to Holtzmann as the blonde wandered through the room and thoroughly studied the charts with various parts of human anatomy the doctor had hanging on his walls.

“I wonder”, she said after a while, moving to drop down next to Erin, slouching in her chair as if she was at home watching a movie and not waiting to speak to the potential victim of a serial killer, “why would you put these up on your walls? So the people who come here and are sick can see what it’s _supposed_ to look like?”

“Possibly”, Erin replied with a small smile, thankful for the distraction – and wondering if this was what Holtzmann had had in mind when she had sat down next to her and had started contemplating the charts, if she had done it solely to give Erin something else to think about than her own anxieties.

One didn’t need a degree in psychology, Erin reflected with a bit of bitterness, to be able to tell that she was an anxious mess most of the time; the medication helped, calmed her down a bit, but it only ever dulled the feelings, never making them go away completely.

If this was the reason for why Holtzmann now started to comment on the charts, telling Erin how far the blood might spurt if someone might be stabbed here or there, and making the people in the waiting room gape at her, Erin was thankful for it; she could have done without the blood talk, but at least, it kept people from staring at her, and Holtzmann didn’t seem to mind being the centre of attention.

The door to the doctor’s examination room opened it, and Erin got a glimpse of him as he shook the hand of the patient he had been busy with when they had arrived; he was her age, she guessed, with thinning hair and a sweater vest beneath his white doctor’s coat, and when he looked at the four women from the FBI, sitting there in the waiting room, he appeared calm and composed, not nervous the slightest.

“Doctor Yates?” he said, raising his voice a bit as if to make sure they would all hear him, “and, uh, company?”

Holtzmann practically bounced up from her chair, with enough force to make the backrest hit the wall audibly; the doctor gave her a disapproving look, didn’t say anything though as they all entered his office, not speaking up until he had closed the door, making sure that nobody of the patients waiting outside could hear what they would say.

“You’re from the FBI, I’ve been told”, he said a second later, not offering them a seat, Holtzmann wandering again, moving to the model of a skeleton which was standing in a corner and making him frown by poking it, “certainly you won’t mind showing me your badges?”

Abby, Patty and Erin did so at once, Holtzmann needing a bit longer as she had to abandon the skeleton and walk back over to the doctor; after he had studied their badges much longer than necessary, he nodded, apparently satisfied, then gave them a curious look, sounding slightly more polite now when he spoke up again.

“How can I help you?” he wanted to know, Erin noticing with a bit of dismay that his gaze strayed to her, and relieved when Abby spoke up, making him look at her again.

“We are not here with happy news, I’m afraid”, Abby let him know, apparently deciding that the blunt approach might not be the best one in this case, “you’ve treated someone a short while ago? A man named James Henderson?”

“Yes”, Dr Hudson confirmed, letting out a sigh afterwards, “a sad case, really. Came to me with very advanced lung cancer, there was not much I could do anymore, except make him comfortable. His son didn’t take it well.”

“You could say that”, Holtzmann commented, shrugging at the look Erin shot her for the comment; the doctor gave her a confused look, but before he could ask, Abby cleared her throat, making the man look at her again, even though his gaze lingered on Erin slightly longer than strictly necessary, the redhead fighting the urge to hide behind Patty as she didn’t feel comfortable the slightest, being looked at this way.

“This is the reason why we are here, actually”, Abby told the doctor, and he raised an eyebrow at her, some of his cool demeanour slipping though when she continued, “there have been several murders, and they all were doctors of the man you treated shortly before his death. The… method led us to believe that his son is our main suspect.”

“Oh”, Dr Hudson let out, at a loss for words, Erin watching him closely now for his reaction, and noting how he swallowed heavily, “yes, well, as I said, he… he didn’t take it well. But he has to know it wasn’t my fault, I told him, there was nothing I could have done, the cancer had spread too far, to the lungs, the brain, the pancreas…”

“He might know”, Abby replied, earning a look of dismay from the man, “part of him does, probably. But another, larger part, wants vengeance. So we are here to warn you, and to suggest that perhaps, you should close your practice for a few days, just until we got him locked up.”

“Oh, yes, of course”, Dr Hudson replied at once, to the relief of Abby, who had been sure up until this moment that he would refuse and they’d need to send some agents to keep an eye on him for his own safety, “that does sound like a good idea, yes. Thank you, agents, for warning me about this.”

“Part of the job”, Abby reassured him, earning a wry smile; and just like that, they were done at his office, Holtzmann taking the time to poke the skeleton once more on her way out, Erin trying her best to ignore the way she could feel the doctor look at her as she followed the blonde out of the office.

“Alright”, Abby said as they entered the elevator together, feeling good after how well this talk had worked out, “and now that this has been taken care of, let’s go to the house of dead daddy and catch ourselves a killer.”

They all nodded their agreement to that, Erin feeling nervous again as she followed Abby to the car, wondering if it really would be so easy or if things would take a dark turn now, trying hard to hide her nervousness though as she got into the passenger seat, not wanting Abby to think that she was a liability and telling herself that, as soon as this had been dealt with, she could go back to teaching and this brief trip back into this kind of work would be over.


	6. Chapter 6

The apartment building the deceased man had lived in before his death looked unremarkable, but then, Erin thought, of course there wouldn’t be a sign outside proclaiming that a killer lived there; despite the quietness of the afternoon, she felt nervous again as Abby parked the car, taking a few controlled breaths while she got out of the vehicle, not wanting the other members of the team to notice that she was getting anxious again.

Briefly, she considered taking one of her pills, then decided against it, as there was no chance for her to do so without Holtzmann and Patty seeing or at least getting suspicious about what she was doing; and as she followed Abby to the building’s entrance, she remembered all too well what had happened the last time she had gone into a building in which a suspect had been, and how badly it had ended for her.

_Stop it_ , she strictly told herself, gritting her teeth against the brief twinge of pain from her stomach, _it won’t happen like this again. You’re not alone this time. You’ll be fine, even if he is there, you’ll be fine._

Treacherously, her mind brings up images of the victims in response, reminds her of the strength needed to do what had been done to them, and she nearly stops walking; she makes herself continue though, tells herself that she can do this, that the worst she could do in this moment would be to stop and not go through with it, she needed this to heal, and she knew she did.

And so, she bravely kept walking, even though her palms were sweaty and her heart was racing; and even though she tried so hard to hide this, Holtzmann noticed, slowing down until she was next to her, the genuine concern in her eyes and voice when she asked Erin if she was alright making the psychologist’s heart clench up.

“I’m fine”, she reassured the younger woman, earning a doubtful look in response, “I’ve just… it’s been a while since I got so… close. To a case.”

She remembered what Abby had said, that Holtzmann and Patty knew no details about what had happened to her, and made herself shut up, not wanting to give away too much; thankfully, Holtzmann didn’t try to get any more information from her, but just nodded, then surprised her by reaching over and patting her shoulder, winking at the startled look the psychologist gave her in response.

“You’ll be fine”, Holtzmann reassured her, sounding so sure that Erin was tempted to simply believe her, “we’ll waltz in there, arrest our crazy friend, and then, case closed, yay, go us.”

“I’m not sure it will be that easy”, Erin told her, making her smirk and shrug, “but it would be nice if things do turn out that way. So… fingers crossed?”

“Elevator’s not working”, Abby distracted them both before Holtzmann could respond, “stairs it is. Guess you’re glad now you didn’t bring any heavy equipment, Holtz.”

“Might still need to get it”, Holtzmann replied with a shrug, not appearing bothered the slightest as she started ascending the stairs, something which didn’t surprise Erin though – the FBI made sure that their profilers passed the fitness tests just like any other field agent had to, and clearly, Holtzmann’s eccentric clothing hid a body which was in good shape.

_Don’t think about her shape,_ she scolded herself as she walked up the stairs behind the blonde, _focus. You’re on the job._

Abby stopped in front of one of the apartment doors, checking the number with the info she had gotten from the medical records before she nodded, then turned to Holtzmann and made a vague gesture at the door; and in response, the blonde stepped up – and kicked it, her boot landing right beneath the lock, the door flying open while Erin let out a startled gasp, not quite having expected this.

“We could have knocked?!” she then whispered, only to fall silent at once as she got the first good whiff of the smell which came from within the apartment, and she immediately breathed as flatly as she could, trying to get as little of the smell as possible, even going as far as pulling her shirt up to cover her mouth and nose.

“Oh wow”, Holtzmann commented, apparently unperturbed by the smell, even going as far as breathing in deeply, the sight and sound of that being enough to make Erin feel as if she was one second from throwing up, “someone hasn’t aired the place in a while. That smell is bad.”

“Then why would you breathe it in like that?!” Erin wanted to know, shaking her head, while Abby just rolled her eyed and Patty looked mildly amused; apparently, they were used to Holtzmann’s antics, none of them commenting though as they followed Abby into the apartment, glancing around and making faces as the smell only got stronger.

“I was curious”, Holtzmann gave back, earning a look of disbelief from the psychologist, “you know, if it was dead people smell or just… the kinda smell you get if no one cleans in a long time.”

“Please tell me it’s not dead people smell”, Erin half said, half pleaded, making a face again; to her dismay, Holtzmann didn’t do her that favour, but just grimaced as well before she moved down the hallway, apparently following the smell, leaving Erin unsure if she should follow her or if she should stay near Abby and Patty.

Reminding herself that it wasn’t wise to be alone in such situations, even if the apartment seemed empty, she followed Holtzmann after a moment, still trying hard to not breathe in too much of the bad smell as she went after the blonde.

She had smelled dead people before, as every FBI agent who was out in the field probably had, but this smell wasn’t like any she had encountered before; there was something unsettlingly familiar to it, prompting her to suspect that it _was_ a dead person somewhere in this apartment, but there was something else in the mix, too, something she couldn’t quite place.

Then, Holtzmann suddenly stopped dead, and said “oh boy”, and Erin stopped herself in the last second, just avoiding bumping into her as the forensics scientist stood and stared.

“What…”, Erin started to say, then got a look at what had made the smaller woman stop over her shoulder, and fell silent as well, swallowing heavily as she found herself confronted with a gruesome sight from one second to the next, her stomach reacting with the all too familiar twinge while her insides clenched up.

The smell was strongest in the bathroom, and both Erin and Holtzmann could easily see why – thanks to the mess in the tub, something which probably had been a person at some point, but had had enough acid poured onto it to make a bloody, oddly soupy mass, Erin turning away after a second and swallowing heavily while Holtzmann stepped closer.

She bent over the tub and took a closer look, then straightened up again and shook her head; belatedly, she noticed that Erin still was standing out in the hallway, momentarily forgetting all about the gruesome discovery when she saw how pale the psychologist had become, taking a step closer to her again as she spoke up, reaching out, but not touching her, not wanting to startle her or make her uncomfortable with unwanted physical contact.

“Erin?” she said, trying her best to sound calm, not wanting to give Erin the feeling she was judging her for her reaction – she knew no details about why Erin had stopped working for the FBI, and had gone to teaching, but she’d heard enough to know it hadn’t been just because Erin had gotten fed up with looking at dead people day after day, and the last thing she wanted was to make the psychologist feel as if she couldn’t do this kind of work anymore.

“Are you okay?” she asked, taking another step closer when Erin didn’t look as if she was going to turn and run, “or should we go outside? Get some fresh air?”

“…I’m fine”, Erin made herself say, touched by the other woman’s concern, “just… I did not expect to find something like… this. I guess you’ll need your equipment after all now, huh?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann confirmed, making a face at the tub, “just to confirm that this actually was human. Once upon a time. We better get Abby and Patty in here, they should see this, too.”

“See what?” Abby wanted to know, having been making her way down the hallway and having been close enough to hear the blonde talk; in response, Holtzmann nodded at the bathroom, and Abby moved to take a peek, grimacing as she saw the mess in the tub, then called out for Patty, taking a concerned look at Erin afterwards, relieved when the psychologist gave her a weak smile in silent reassurance that she was okay.

“Think this is our suspect?” Patty wanted to know as she joined them and got a good look at the tub as well, making a face just like the other three had, “cause if that is him, we don’t have a suspect anymore.”

“I’ll go get my equipment”, Holtzmann declared in response, “and take some samples before we call this in. Then we’ll at least know the sex of the poor sod in there. Erin, want to help me carry it up?”

Erin figured that Holtzmann was just being polite, and giving her a chance to get away from the gruesome sight without losing face; she still was grateful though, and nodded at once, trying hard to forget the horrible image of the thing in the tub as she followed Holtzmann downstairs, unable though to fight off the sinking feeling that, despite how sure they had been they’d make an arrest in this apartment, the case was far from over.


	7. Chapter 7

Quite a while later, the four of them were back at the lab, and Gorin was going over the samples Holtzmann had brought together with the blonde; and even though Erin knew they wouldn’t get certainty that this was their suspect, she also, somehow, just knew that it was, that the man had been killed and that whoever had done it had been trying to get rid of the body with the acid.

Clearly, it hadn’t worked the way they had been hoping for, with quite a bit of the body still remaining; it was impossible to tell from just looking if it had been a man or a woman though, and there was no chance of identification with finger prints or dental records, Erin figuring that this had been the main goal of the acid use, a goal which had been reached quite successfully.

She held back a sigh as she stared at the case file, not quite sure what to do with herself; the case wasn’t over yet, she knew, but for now, they had no more leads, with their main suspect dead and halfway dissolved in the tub of his father’s apartment, leaving them clueless about who had done this, who else had been involved in the murders.

“Hey”, Abby distracted her from these thoughts, and from watching Holtzmann and Gorin work at the other end of the large room, “I went through all the files we had, but nothing gives any hints that our guy had any siblings. Mom’s been dead for a while, too. So he either got someone not related to him to help, someone who turned on him, or he committed suicide in the worst way possible.”

“It wasn’t a suicide”, Erin gave back, frowning as one of the pictures in the file caught her eye, “no one would kill themselves like this.”

She picked the photo up and took a closer look at it, studying the man pictured on it; it was fairly recent, she had been told, and the man in question was tall, but lanky, the thinness of his arms and legs apparent even through his clothing, the psychologist frowning to herself as she studied the picture.

“This is the son, right”, she said, just to be sure; Abby nodded, looking at her curiously, but not saying anything, even though she did raise an eyebrow when Erin looked over at Holtzmann and Gorin again, clearing her throat before she called out.

“Hey Holtzmann?” she half asked, half said, glad when the blonde looked up at once and didn’t seem annoyed by the interruption, “you know about anatomy, yes?”

“Yeah”, Holtzmann gave back, putting down the tweezers she had been using and strolling over to where Erin was sitting, “a bit more than the basics, why?”

Erin figured that “a bit more than the basics” was quite the understatement for someone who apparently was a genius when it came to forensic work, but didn’t comment on that; instead, she handed the photo to Holtzmann and asked her to take a good look at the guy, shrugging when the blonde looked up at her after a few moments of doing so, not sure if she was on the right track, but figuring it couldn’t hurt to say her thoughts out loud.

“Look at him”, she said, gesturing at the photo, prompting Holtzmann to take another look at it, “he doesn’t look all too fit, does he? But how much strength would it take to do to a body what he allegedly did to his victims? Breaking the ribs open like that?”

“A lot”, Holtzmann said, frowning now as well, Abby, Patty and Gorin moving closer to listen, none of them saying anything though, “but he might be stronger than he looks. Like I am, people are often surprised when I lug around the heavier equipment.”

“Yeah, but you work for the FBI”, Erin pointed out, “where being in good shape is sort of a requirement. He had a desk job, and I don’t think he went to the gym after his work days.”

“Had no membership, at least”, Patty informed her, shrugging at the surprised look the psychologist gave her, then smirking, a hint of mischief in her eyes when she continued.

“Apart from psychology, research is something I’m very good at”, she let Erin know, the redhead thinking back to when Abby had introduced her to Patty and had mentioned something like this, “and I did some research about our guy. No gym membership, as I said, so unless he worked out at home…”

“No, Dr Gilbert is up to something”, Gorin threw in, making them all look at her, all of them knowing that this was high praise, coming from her, “there is no way he was strong enough to do this all on his own. He must have had help. I can’t believe we didn’t think of this before.”

“So he had help”, Erin mumbled, looking at the photos again, “someone how then turned on him and killed him. Or perhaps someone he turned on and killed, and that is the person we found in the tub…”

“At least we’ll soon know if it’s a man or a woman”, Holtzmann commented, making Erin nod, “if it’s a man, that won’t help us, but if it’s a woman, we’ll know it’s someone he turned on. Does he have any siblings?”

“Not according to this file”, Erin replied, gesturing at said file, “and… wait…”

She grabbed the file and leafed through it quickly, Holtzmann impressed at her speed; quickly, she found what she had been looking for, putting the file back on the table so the others could see it, too, gesturing at the part which had caught her eye.

“And he has no medical education”, she said, making Patty frown, “so how did he know how to do this? Could an amateur pull this off?”

“No”, Patty said at once, making them all look at her, “no way. I’ve looked this up, you know, this Blood Eagle thing. To this day, nobody is sure if it really was done that way, or if it was just some purple prose in the few texts it is mentioned in. So there’s no… manual on how to do it, but he did it with quite the precision, did he not?”

“He did”, Abby confirmed, looking at the crime scene photos of the victims again, Erin making a face at them, not all too happy that the gory sight was brought back to the forefront like this, “look at this, this was the first victim. The _first_ , not the last. And the cuts are clean and precise.”

“So he had the right tools”, Holtzmann commented, looking at the pictures with a trained eye, even though she had seen the unfortunate victim up close when they had been called to the crime scene, “and knew what he was doing. Those cuts weren’t made with a kitchen knife, you know.”

“Someone with medical knowledge”, Erin said, frowning to herself as she didn’t like what this implied, “a nurse perhaps or… maybe even a doctor. Someone who taught him how to do this, or perhaps even helped. Did we find any other fingerprints at the scenes?”

“No”, Abby told her, making her frown again, “whoever helped him either wasn’t there when the deed was done, or knows better than our vengeful friend how to hide their tracks. I’ll go over the crime scene files again though, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything.”

“I’ll help”, Erin offered, wanting to make herself useful for the duration she’d be part of this team; part of her wanted to solve this case quickly, so she could go back to teaching, and was eager to catch the man responsible, a big reason for why she had offered her help… but another part of her, a smaller, but loud one, enjoyed this, this part of the job, the way they puzzled the clues together as a team and worked on the case until it had been cracked wide open.

Part of her enjoyed it, and wanted more of it, and that scared her more than the serial killer out there on the loose did.


	8. Chapter 8

“Alright”, Holtzmann said, placing her hand squarely on the page Erin had been looking at, and forcing her to stop reading and look up at her, “time for lunch. You look as if you’re about to have steam come out of your ears.”

“I have been looking at this for quite a while”, Erin admitted, stretching and grimacing at how her spine cracked in response, a noise loud enough to let Holtzmann hear it, the blonde raising an eyebrow, “perhaps you’re right and lunch is a good idea. Abby?”

“Yup”, Abby agreed, snapping her file shut and pushing up her glasses to rub at her eyes, “enough staring at tiny print for now. Erin, you find anything?”

“Not yet”, Erin shook her head, “the only prints which have been documented are from the son. I didn’t get to the other evidence they found though, you know, hair, fibres…”

“Enough time for that after lunch”, Holtzmann declared, earning a slight smile from the psychologist, an exchange Abby watched with well hidden interest, “come on guys, let’s get some grub. Holtzy’s starving.”

“Why is Holtzy talking about herself in third person?” Erin wanted to know, making Patty laugh as she had wandered over to join them before she let the redhead know that Holtzmann did this all the time; Erin let out a thoughtful “hmmm” in response, even going as far as rubbing her chin, making Holtzmann snicker with her antics.

“You know”, Erin then said, raising an eyebrow at the forensic scientist, “as a psychologist, I can’t help but take note of this. Perhaps we should speak about this some time? Just you and me, of course, and in complete confidentiality.”

“Don’t psychoanalyze each other”, Gorin threw in before Holtzmann could say what she thought about this, “that was a rule when you were still a full-time agent, Dr Gilbert, and it still is. Let me reassure you that Holtzmann referring to herself in third person is not cause for alarm.”

Erin blushed deeply in response, wanting to point out that she had been joking, but not daring to talk back like this; thankfully, Abby wasn’t so shy, telling Gorin that it had been just a bit of friendly ribbing and that Erin hadn’t been serious, adding that such banter was good for team morale, a statement to which they all nodded their agreement at once.

“A good point”, Gorin nodded after a moment, to Erin’s relief, “and as long as Holtzmann is aware that you were not serious…”

“Oh I know she was joking”, Holtzmann hurried to reassure her, guiltily glancing at Erin as she hadn’t wanted to get her into trouble, “of course I know, it was obvious. Now. Lunch?”

“Lunch”, Gorin nodded her agreement, then led the way, the other members of the team trailing along behind her; Holtzmann mouthed “sorry” to Erin, the redhead smiling at her in response, silently reassuring her that it was okay and that there were no hard feelings.

Holtzmann looked quite relieved at this, another exchange Abby witnessed; and again, she hid it well that she found this interesting, and didn’t comment on it, but merely filed it away to memory, figuring that it couldn’t hurt if Erin found another friend – they still were close, even with Erin not working as an agent full time anymore, and Abby knew she didn’t have any other real friends, merely acquaintances, nobody she’d trust enough to talk to whenever it was needed.

“Dr Gorin”, a familiar, but not very welcome voice distracted her from these thoughts as they entered the cafeteria; and from how Gorin raised an eyebrow at the speaker, Abby could tell that she wasn’t happy about this, either, Holtzmann looking miffed as well while Patty just looked a bit concerned and Erin seemed a little confused, clearly having no idea what was going on.

“Dr Gorin”, Rowan North said again, not having to talk so loud anymore as he was getting closer, but still loud enough to gain the attention of several of the people around them, some of them looking curious while others appeared annoyed, making Erin wonder if this wasn’t the first time Rowan was doing something as inappropriate as this.

“What is it, Dr North”, Gorin said, and the icy cold tone of her voice made Erin quite glad that she hadn’t been the one spoken to like this, not quite sure how she would have reacted, “as you can probably deduct from the presence of my team and me here, we want to have lunch.”

“I want to apply”, Rowan replied, unimpressed by the look Gorin gave him in response, “for your team. Everyone here knows that Dr Gilbert is just here temporarily, and will go back to the academy once the case has been closed. So, when she leaves, a spot will be open on your team, and I want to apply.”

“If a spot does open on my team, the usual application process will be followed”, Gorin told him, something he clearly wasn’t happy with as he frowned in dismay, “and for now, there are no open spots. Keep an eye out for the job offer, and perhaps, you might apply again in the future.”

“She didn’t have to apply”, Rowan spat, instead of just giving up and walking away, which would have been the smart thing to do, Erin almost recoiling at the angry gesture he made at her, “you just hired her without giving anyone else a chance! And you know I’m as qualified as her, even more so, perhaps, because I don’t have a ton of baggage like she does!”

“Excuse me?!” Holtzmann butted in before Gorin could respond to this, Erin just staring at the man, shocked by how quickly he had gone to personally attacking her, “where do you get off, talking about a professional like that, a colleague! Get lost, North, you just crossed a line.”

“I wouldn’t have put it quite so crassly, but I agree with Dr Holtzmann”, Gorin said, tone so cold now that Erin was surprised she couldn’t actually see her breath fog, “please do not disturb us further, Dr North. We would like to have lunch before we get back to working on our case.”

Erin noticed that Gorin didn’t justify her being on the team, but didn’t dare ask why; she just kept her eyes down as she walked to the lunch line with the others, taking note of the fact that the others made sure she was shielded from Rowan’s hateful gaze as they got their food, not sure if she should feel touched by their care or annoyed at how they thought she needed this.

“I’m fine”, she said once they had found a free table and had sat down, sounding a bit harsher perhaps than necessary, “and he’s not wrong, is he. I didn’t apply, and I do have baggage.”

“You’re also the best profiler this institution has seen in a long time”, Gorin replied matter-of-factly, “and, while he might think so, Dr North is not. I do not need to justify myself to him, but you should know I only want the best of the best on my team. I got that when I hired you.”

“Dr North doesn’t seem to agree”, Erin pointed out, not surprised when Gorin shrugged in response, “you’re sure he won’t cause trouble? Claim discrimination or something?”

“He can try”, Gorin dryly gave back, Holtzmann smirking before she took a bite of her sandwich, “but it won’t lead anywhere. Baggage or no baggage, the director knows of your skill. Don’t worry about Dr North and his demands, let them be my concern.”

Erin wasn’t quite sure it would work out so easily, but made herself nod anyway, figuring that Gorin knew what she was doing; she made a mental note to thank Holtzmann later for standing up for her like that when Rowan had been making his comments, then focused on her lunch, trying to forget all about the incident, despite the lingering fear that Rowan had been right and that her baggage, as he had called it, might endanger the team at a critical moment.


	9. Chapter 9

“Holtzmann?” Erin said as they were leaving the lab together later that day, coincidentally walking next to each other, the blonde giving her a curious look in response which prompted her to continue, “I just… wanted to thank you. For what you said to Dr North today, when he was making his remarks.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Holtzmann gave back at once, making the redhead smile slightly, “like I said to him, he was way out of line. He had no right to say these things.”

“Well, they weren’t wrong”, Erin pointed out, “I do have… baggage, as he called it. Quite a bit of it, too.”

She fell silent, not wanting to reveal more, remembering what Abby had said – that nobody of the team knew any details about why she had quit being an agent, and while she did like every team member, she didn’t want to reveal this, not knowing Holtzmann well enough to tell her.

To her relief, Holtzmann didn’t ask, but just shrugged, clearly not bothered by how Erin had trailed off without revealing anything; she just smiled, then slightly bumped the psychologist with her shoulder as they walked to the elevator, a hint of mischief in her eyes when she spoke up.

“Well, I think most people who work here have some kind of baggage”, she pointed out, “Rowan himself probably has more than enough. He just screams _Nice Guy_ , and I don’t mean the sort of guy who’s actually nice.”

Erin’s smile widened at this as she had to agree, feeling a bit better now about the whole situation; Holtzmann smiled back at her and winked, then gestured at the opening elevator doors, signalling that Erin should step out first, walking by her side again as they made their way to the parking lot together.

“Again, thank you”, Erin still said, eager to get her point across and to make sure Holtzmann knew that she was grateful, “you didn’t have to step in like this, and you still did. I appreciate that.”

“Anytime”, Holtzmann replied, winking again, Erin feeling her cheeks heat up in response, quite surprised at this reaction – she had been prone to blush, before the incident, but she couldn’t remember a single time it had happened since then, and she certainly hadn’t expected Holtzmann to be the one to make her blush again.

“Well”, she said, having to clear her throat before she could go on, “this is my car. Thanks for walking me here.”

“My pleasure”, Holtzmann told her, making the blush which just had been fading return with full force, “see you tomorrow?”

“See you tomorrow”, Erin gave back, pulling her car keys from her bag; Holtzmann winked yet again and gave her a two-fingered salute, then walked on to her own car, Erin catching herself looking after her for a moment or two before she made herself look away and got into her car, soon on her way home, the incident with Rowan forgotten as now, she was thinking about the case again, going through the files in her mind, wondering if she had missed something crucial, something which would lead to a quick end of the case, not quite admitting to herself yet that she wasn’t fully ready for her work with the team to end.

* * *

Several hours later, Erin laid in her bed, and stared up at the ceiling; she was tired, but her mind wouldn’t let her get rest, not yet, wanting to stray to the incident over and over, and she could only stop it by thinking about the case, telling herself that this was preferable to thinking about what had happened to her.

_Fancy meeting you here._

She cut the thought off before it could go further, recalling the photos which were part of the case file instead; her memories wanted to go back, to _his_ voice, and _his_ eyes, the way he had looked at her when he had… but she wouldn’t let them, cutting them off again, thinking about the details of the files, grateful that she had an excellent memory which let her recall the pages with ease.

It was a double-edged sword, this excellent memory, because whenever she wasn’t careful, it also let her remember what he had done to her with too much detail, her mind never having done her the favour of blocking it out to spare her the trauma.

She made sure to not let her mind go back to those memories now, knowing they would haunt her dreams if she thought about these horrible minutes now; and so, Erin thought of the file again, of the photos and the typed words, thought about what they had talked about at the lab earlier that day.

_He had help,_ she pondered, rolling over onto her side and ending up staring at her alarm clock, the bright red numbers oddly accusing in the dark as they told her how late it was and that she was losing precious minutes, maybe even hours, of sleep, _he had no medical knowledge, but the cuts were perfect, just where they had to be for his plans to work. Someone who knows about anatomy helped him._

All at once, an image flashed through her mind, as bright and clear as a photograph, and she froze, lying perfectly still, not even breathing, the image turning into a sort of movie now as her memory replayed the moment perfectly.

She saw Holtzmann, in a doctor’s waiting room, studying the anatomy charts on the wall and commenting on how odd it was to have something like this hanging on the walls.

_No,_ she strictly told herself, rolling onto her back again, _you’re jumping to conclusion. There’s no reason to think that the doctor had something to do with this, you told him to lay low for a while because the suspect might be after him and he agreed!_

_He agreed immediately,_ another part of her argued back, _you know no doctor with a well visited practice would have agreed so fast. Unless he wanted to get away. Unless he wanted to lay low, but not to hide from him, to hide from_ you _. He must have known you would figure out that the son had help._

She had had such hunches before, moments of epiphany, almost, during other cases she had worked on; and every single time, without fail, she had been right, and she had no reason to believe that she had lost that skill during the time she had been teaching, her palms sweaty when she sat up and grabbed her phone, deciding to text first just in case Abby was already asleep.

_Are you still awake?_ Erin quickly typed, then sent the text, heart beating fast in her chest as she waited to see if Abby would respond; and not even a minute later, the phone vibrated in her hand as Abby texted back _yes, call me_ , apparently knowing that something was up, the psychologist taking a few deep breaths to calm herself before she did push the call button.

“I had a hunch”, she said instead of greeting Abby in any way, but clearly, Abby took no offense, a small gasp coming from her in response, “I was thinking about the case and… about the help he must have had.”

She detailed her hunch to Abby, the other woman listening in silence, not interrupting her once; Abby had been there before when Erin had been hit by inspiration like this, and even though she never would have thought to suspect Doctor Hudson, she didn’t tell Erin that it was unreasonable, figuring that it couldn’t hurt to look into it – if the man was innocent, they would find out quickly, and if he wasn’t, Erin’s hunch would save them days, perhaps weeks, of work, and solve the case in the process.

“I’ll get a warrant tomorrow”, was all she thus said once Erin had finished, “for his home address, not his practice, he wouldn’t keep anything incriminating there if he did play a part in it. This is like the other times you’ve had a hunch?”

“Yes”, Erin gave back at once, feeling excited now, like she had before the incident whenever she had seen things so clearly from one moment to the next, “just like those other times, apparently, that’s like riding a bike. It might be nothing in the end, but it can’t hurt to look, right?”

“Right”, Abby agreed immediately, to Erin’s relief, “we’ll have to run it past the others, make sure the whole team is with us, but they know you and your reputation, they won’t be against it. Now get some sleep, we might make an arrest tomorrow!”

“Yes, we might”, Erin agreed, not quite sure if she’d be able to sleep though, feeling giddy now and excited; Abby still told her once again to get some sleep, then added that she’d see her in the next day before she hung up, Erin lying back down and staring up at the ceiling again, still feeling happy and excited, and trying not to feel this way too much, knowing all too well that it could quickly pull her back into wanting to be an agent full time, and not ready to think about the possibility.

_Not yet_ , she still thought to herself, then rigorously pushed the thought aside; and not much later, she was fast asleep, slumbering peacefully through the night, no bad dreams plaguing her until her alarm went off in the next morning.


	10. Chapter 10

“Doctor Hudson?” Gorin repeated after Erin had told the team about previous night’s hunch, “odd, I never would have thought to suspect him. Do you have any sort of evidence? Apart from charts on his wall?”

“Well, no”, Erin had to admit, fighting the urge to fidget under the woman’s sceptical gaze, “but… he did react too calmly when we told him to lay low for a while. Anyone else would have been scared, more worried, he just agreed at once.”

“I’m with Erin”, Holtzmann declared, making them all look at her, “come on guys, we all know that so far, every time she had a hunch like that during her career here, it worked out. Every time! We might get in trouble if we follow this one and it turns out to be wrong, but if it isn’t, the case will be closed!”

“I’m aware of Dr Gilbert’s hunches and their accuracy”, Gorin told the blonde, making her smile brightly in response, “which is why I give my okay on this. I wouldn’t if it was anyone else, and if doesn’t work out, there might be repercussions, but I am willing to give this a shot. Dr Yates, you can get a warrant?”

“Yes”, Abby gave back at once, “just let me make the call and we’ll have it within the hour. For his home and his practice, if we need it.”

“That’s a bit shady”, Patty commented, shrugging when the others looked at her, “well, it is. But I too have heard of your hunches, Erin, so I say let’s go for it.”

“Just for his home should be enough”, Erin said after a moment, making Abby nod at once, “he wouldn’t keep anything suspicious at his practice. We have his address?”

“We do”, Abby confirmed, “I got it first thing in the morning. And now I’m calling Judge Lynch.”

She hurried off to do just that, Erin once again fighting the urge to nervously fidget; she knew this feeling, this thrill when they were close to making a break in the case, and she wondered if it would be justified, or if her hunch would turn out to have been wrong.

She had nothing to fear if it did, she knew, she could go back to teaching any time, if this would get her fired from this short term job; now that Gorin had spoken of repercussions though, she found herself worried for Abby, Patty and Holtzmann, wondering if anything might happen to them, should her hunch turn out to be nothing but random thoughts caused by a tired brain.

“Don’t worry”, Holtzmann’s voice distracted her from these thoughts, and she looked at the blonde in surprise, wondering if she was so easy to read or if Holtzmann just had a natural talent for doing so, “even if this turns out to be nothing, Gorin’s gonna make sure there are no actual repercussions. You wanna guess how often I’ve heard that repercussion line from her ever since I joined her team? Like every other day. I’m reckless.”

“Can’t say that surprises me”, Erin gave back, with a hint of teasing in her voice, glad when Holtzmann didn’t take this wrong way, the blonde grinning in response, “but I’m not worried, I’m sure it will work out fine.”

“Me too”, Holtzmann told her at once, making her smile a bit again, “everyone here knows about your hunches, they’re almost legendary. I’m excited I’ll get to be part of an Erin Gilbert hunch moment.”

“That sounds weird”, Erin said, the forensic scientist smirking and shrugging in response, “but I guess it’s a compliment, so thank you?”

“It was”, Holtzmann told her, “and I’m just being honest, so no need to thank me. Just tell me you’ll take me along to Doctor Creep’s house and I’ll be happy.”

“Well, of course”, Erin gave back, a bit surprised at the happy smile Holtzmann gave her in response, as if she hadn’t been sure she’d be allowed to come, “but I’m not sure it’s proper to call him Doctor Creep. Not yet.”

“I think it is”, the younger woman replied, shrugging, “cause if your hunch tells you he did something creepy, he probably did, so we might as well call him that. Anyway, yay, I’ll get to come!”

As if on cue, Abby joined them again, smiling triumphantly as she told them that the warrant for Dr Hudson’s home address would be faxed within the next thirty minutes; Erin smiled and thanked her, then tried to keep her calm as she waited for the warrant to arrive, suddenly just knowing that they would find the evidence they needed at the man’s home, and perhaps even would make an arrest, which would solve the case much faster than any of them would have dared to hope.

* * *

Erin wanted to do things proper, to make up for the questionable warrant they had, and so, she knocked the door of Dr Hudson’s house; when there was no response, she tried again, then rang the doorbell, shrugging when Abby gave her a questioning look as the house behind the door remind silent.

“Guess he’s not home”, she then said, “do we have cause to believe there’s danger in his house? For him or for others?”

“We do or we wouldn’t have a warrant”, Abby pointed out, then took step aside as she gestured at the door and looked at the forensic scientist of their team, “Holtzmann? Would you?”

Holtzmann grinned and nodded, then stepped up to the door and kicked it, impressing Erin once again by how she managed to kick it open with one move, something she had seen much taller and larger men try and fail to do, but something which seemed effortless when Holtzmann did it.

“Good job”, she complimented, earning a bright grin from the blonde and, for the first time, consciously noticing the dimples which formed when she did so; quickly, Erin made herself look away and told herself that this was no time to get distracted by anyone’s dimples, focusing on the house instead as she entered, glancing around while she strained her ears, not wanting to get ambushed by a crazy doctor.

The house remained quiet though, so if the man was home and had heard them kick the door in, he wasn’t reacting in an audible way; and, Erin noticed as she moved down the hallway and glanced at the rooms lining it, the house was oddly clean and sterile, looking more like something out of a catalogue than a place where a human being actually lived.

She knew that her own apartment wasn’t looking all too lived in either, but compared to Dr Hudson’s place, it was warm and inviting; and it made her wonder if he was just keeping up appearances, if this perfectly clean and neat house hid the insanity he couldn’t show during his daily life.

“Where do you think he keeps his creepy things”, Holtzmann wanted to know as she moved to Erin’s side, glancing around, “his office? Or the basement? Honestly, this place is giving me the creeps already, it’s so clean and perfect. He’d have a stroke at my home.”

“It’s too clean”, Erin had to agree, looking at the living room and making a face at it, at how white and spotless and perfectly thought out it was, as if it had been designed with the goal “appear as boring and drab as possible” in mind, “it’s like he doesn’t even live here. If there’s nothing in his office, I bet we will find something in the basement. You know, where no one can see, not even guests he might have.”

Holtzmann nodded, keeping her hand near her gun as she ended up walking a step ahead of Erin now; and all at once, the redhead was acutely aware of the weight of her own gun on her hip, hoping that there would be no need for the weapon – she had liked being an agent, before the incident, but she never had liked using her gun, not even when she had been confident and sure that nothing bad would ever happen to her, not even in this dangerous line of work.

“Let’s check upstairs”, she said, eager to distract herself before her thoughts could go down a darker path, “his office will be up there, and if we find nothing there, we can hit the basement. We should stay together, just in case.”

Holtzmann nodded, and Abby and Patty let out sounds of agreement behind them; Abby knew why Erin didn’t want to split up, she was the only one who knew all the details, but neither Holtzmann, nor Patty questioned her, and she was grateful for it, glad that she didn’t need to explain her reluctance to go anywhere in this house without the other three.

Holtzmann led the way up the stairs, with Erin right behind her and Abby and Patty bringing up the rear; she checked door after the door, finding the doctor’s bedroom and upstairs bathroom before finally, the third door revealed his office, as clean and perfect as all the others rooms, the desk almost empty.

Almost, Erin noticed at a second glance, because there was something on it… and as she got a closer look at it, it suddenly got hard to breathe, her chest felt tight and her fingers tingled oddly, feelings which only got worse when Holtzmann took in a sharp breath, signalling she had seen it too.

She had seen it too, the photo which had been placed in the middle of the desk, the photo which should have been classified; the photo which showed Erin right after the incident, dreadfully pale and covered in blood, Erin feeling dizzy as she stared at it for another second… before she turned and hurried outside, suddenly just needing to get away, unable to look at it for another second.


	11. Chapter 11

“Erin!” Abby called out as she hurried after the redhead, catching up with her just when she practically burst out of the front door, “Erin, wait, don’t just run off like that!”

Erin stopped, turned to look at her – and then turned away again, and threw up into the bushes lining the driveway of Dr Hudson’s house, Abby momentarily slowing her approach of the psychologist before she sped up again, moving to her side and rubbing her back, mumbling soothing words to Erin as she threw up.

Part of her, a small part which still could think rationally, almost clinically, was oddly glad that she had tied her hair back before they had gone out to Hudson’s house, as it meant that she wasn’t getting puke on it; another, much bigger and louder part was screaming within her though, screaming at the memories the photo had brought back, her stomach cramping up painfully as she struggled to hold back her tears.

“Erin”, Abby said again, still rubbing her back while, from the corner of her eye, Erin could see Holtzmann and Patty appear in the doorway and hover there, unsure if they should come closer or not, “it’s okay, he’s not here, nobody but us is here, nobody is going to hurt you. Patty, Holtzy, there’s a water bottle in my bag, get me that.”

Patty ran off to get the water, while Holtzmann slowly stepped closer, looking worried and even a bit afraid; Erin gagged again even though her stomach was empty at this point, then forced herself to straighten up and to walk away from the vomit, not wanting to look at Holtzmann or Abby any longer, not after what just had happened, after what they just had seen.

_They know_ , her mind shrieked at her, _they know now what he did to you, what you walked into, how stupid you were, how reckless and stupid, they will not want to work with you anymore, they will pity you and think you’re weak, they know now, they know, they know…_

“Hey”, Holtzmann said, sounding so uncharacteristically unsure that it nearly made Erin want to throw up again, the psychologist wiping at her eyes furiously, eager to not burst into tears on top of how humiliated and exposed she already felt, “it’s… well, probably not okay, but Erin, that’s what he wanted when he put that there, he knew we would suspect him, somehow, he knew we would come here and he put that there to freak you out.”

“I know that!” Erin snapped, lashing out at her now as she was the nearest target, and she knew that this was what she was doing, that clinical, rational part knew, and still she couldn’t help herself, “you think I’m stupid?! I’m not! I know what he is doing, I’m a psychologist, of _course_ I know, and it still works, because I’m pathetic and weak and _useless!_ ”

She burst into tears now after all, expecting Holtzmann to look at her in disgust and with contempt, to tell her that she was right, that the team had no use for her; and she was so ready for those words that she thought she was hallucinating at first when Holtzmann did react, so differently to what Erin had expected that for a few seconds, she couldn’t believe it.

Holtzmann stepped up to her and hugged her, and held her close, saying nothing, just holding her, and this only made Erin cry more.

“It’s okay”, Holtzmann now said after all, even though she knew these words wouldn’t help, not really, but she had no idea what else she could say, Abby now moving to join the hug as well, making it a group hug, “just… let it all out? Let it all out now so you can go back in there, don’t let him win.”

Apparently, this had been the right thing to say, as Erin took in a few deep breaths, her flow of tears slowly stopping; and when Patty returned with the bottled water a minute later, the psychologist had stopped crying, her eyes still red and puffy though, and she pulled back from the hug and accepted the water bottle at once when Patty offered it to her, washing her mouth out and spitting before she drank half of it down.

“Thank you”, she then mumbled, belatedly noticing that both Abby and Holtzmann still had one hand on her back each as she took in another deep breath, “I… I’m fine now, I think. I can go back in there.”

None of them told her that she shouldn’t, that it might be better for her to wait outside; they just nodded, and let her lead the way, forming a sort of protective half circle around her, even though this got a bit difficult when they had to walk up the stairs again.

The photo was gone, this was the first thing Erin noticed as she stepped back into the office; the desk was empty now, not even a pen on it, and she wondered where the photo was, if it had vanished into Holtzmann’s or Patty’s pocket, and hoped they had thought of not touching it with their bare hands.

Ignoring the desk, she moved to one of the bookshelves, looking at the volumes there, nothing standing out to her though; giving her some room, Holtzmann, Abby and Patty started looking around the room as well, and with the four of them, it didn’t take long for them to realize that they would find no evidence there.

“Basement”, Erin said as she turned to look at the other members of the team, “we might find something there. And even if not, that photo will be enough to get him in trouble, that’s from a classified file.”

“I’m pretty sure we will find something down there”, Holtzmann commented, leading the way now as she walked out of the office and back down the stairs, the other three trailing along behind her, “I find it hard to believe he has nothing here which might incriminate him. Why put the photo here if he’s innocent?”

“Good point”, Patty agreed, Erin and Abby nodding as well; Erin’s stomach still felt tight, and her mind was racing, but she fought hard against the fear and the pain, not allowing herself to dwell on it.

She knew she would pay for this later, when she’d be alone, but for now, she had no more time to break down or freak out, and so, she bit her emotions back, focusing fully on the case at hand as she followed Holtzmann down the stairs leading into the basement.

Already when they reached the bottom of the stairs, Erin could tell it was a stark contrast to the rest of the house.

It was dark, and damp, and there was an odd, musty smell in the air, as if it hadn’t been aired out for weeks, perhaps even months; the smell got stronger as they walked down the hallway, using their flashlights now, walking in single file in the narrow hallway, Holtzmann having taken the lead again while Erin was behind her and Abby and Patty were behind the psychologist.

“Lookie here”, Holtzmann mumbled as she peered into one of the rooms; it was small, and there was not much furniture in it, just a table, but on this table, some books laid, and one look was enough to show what they were about.

_Viking Myths and Rituals_  
_Blood Eagle: Fact or Fiction?  
_ _Nordic Mythology_

“He was definitely in on it”, Erin stated, feeling faint now as her hunch had once again turned out alright, her mind picking up speed once more, “he… helped him. Or taught him. Or both.”

“But why leave this here”, Holtzmann said out loud, frowning as she looked at the books, knowing she should bag them as evidence, but feeling as if this was too perfect of a setup, “and that photo upstairs? If he hadn’t, if he just had been here and played innocent, we might have given up on suspecting him. Why make it so obvious that he’s in on it?”

“Because he wanted us to know”, Abby told her, making Erin nod at once, Holtzmann giving them a confused look in response, and prompting her to elaborate.

“This is not a confession”, she said, Erin nodding yet again as she glanced at the books, making sure not to touch them, not wanting to mess with any evidence which might be found on them, “this is not a tortured soul asking for help.”

“He’s taunting us”, Erin added, glancing around the small room, “telling us that we can’t catch him even if he puts what he did out in the open like that. There is nothing else in this room except for these books. Abby’s right, he wanted us to find them, he wanted us to know.”

“What a messed up man”, Patty said thoughtfully, making the others nod at once; Holtzmann shook her head, then pulled a pair of thin latex gloves from her pocket and pulled them on, declaring she would bag “these bad boys” as she gestured at the books, the others watching her do so in silence, wondering what else they might find in this basement while the blonde did her work.


	12. Chapter 12

The information they had been able to find on Dr Phillip Hudson was limited, all four of them had noticed this somewhat quickly; the man had a spotless record, not even tickets for speeding or DUIs, and so, it came as even more of a surprise that he apparently had been helping a deranged murderer perfect his methods.

There wasn’t much on him, and the whole team knew it; and still Erin was still at her laptop by the time Abby, Patty and Gorin had left, going through the files they did have on the man, while Holtzmann was working on the books and other evidence they had found in the basement, lifting fingerprints and searching for fibres and other tiny bits which might link the stuff to the doctor.

“You know”, the forensics specialist spoke up after a few minutes had ticked by during which Erin had been perfectly still, not even clicking her mouse or using her keyboard, “I think you know this file by heart by now. I’m about to get done here, why don’t we head out together then? It’s been a long day.”

“…yeah”, Erin agreed after a moment, and even though she didn’t know her that well yet, Holtzmann noted the flash of her dismay on her face, “it really has been, but…”

“But?” Holtzmann prodded, making sure to sound kind though, giving Erin an option to not answer if she didn’t want to; Erin let out a small sigh in reply, then shrugged, giving her a somewhat rueful smile as she closed the windows on her computer and then shut the machine down, finding it hard to look the blonde in the eye when she responded.

“But I don’t want to go home and be alone there”, she admitted, feeling her cheeks heat up as she wondered yet again if Holtzmann would see her as weak for this, as weak and pathetic, and might even tell her that she obviously wasn’t cut out for this kind of work, not anymore, “I know I shouldn’t let that affect me so much, it was just a photo, but…”

“To be honest, I’d be more worried if it didn’t affect you”, Holtzmann gave back, earning a somewhat surprised look from the psychologist, “I didn’t look too closely at it, I figured you wouldn’t be happy if Patty and I did that, but what I saw was, well… bad. So I get it, I wouldn’t want to be alone either. I can drive you home if you like?”

“That would be nice”, Erin said at once, not allowing herself to overthink this offer, and for once not allowing the thought that Holtzmann might think she was weak if she accepted, telling herself that so far, the blonde had been nothing but nice and kind to her, and that she wouldn’t make such offers with any hidden intentions.

“Thank you”, she added, earning a bright smile from the younger woman, “but only if you have nothing else to do. I don’t want to keep you from anything important with my issues.”

“I don’t”, Holtzmann reassured her, making a vague gesture at the door leading out of the lab as she continued, “so, shall we then? I promise I’m a safe driver, even though Patty and Dr Gorin might claim otherwise.”

Deciding not to question this, Erin just nodded, grabbed her bag and got up from her seat; Holtzmann gave her another smile, then led the way, the psychologist trailing along behind her, grateful for the offered help and glad that she wouldn’t have to drive to her home alone.

As it turned out, Holtzmann did drive a bit more reckless than Erin usually was comfortable with, but the psychologist refrained from commenting on this as Holtzmann drove to her home once Erin had given her the address; she just fidgeted a bit whenever the forensic scientist took a corner with more speed than strictly necessary, and felt somewhat glad when, a short time later, Holtzmann stopped in front of her apartment building.

“There we are”, she stated the obvious, making Erin nod; she hesitated for a moment, then decided to take the plunge, glancing at the blonde from the corner of her eye as she responded.

“Do you, uhm, want to come in with me?” she asked, Holtzmann appearing a bit surprised, but smiling, to her relief, “I imagine you’re hungry, we can order something if you like, getting to the minimum fee for delivery should be easier if it’s the two of us.”

“Sounds good”, Holtzmann smiled, Erin smiling back at her after a moment, “and you’re right, I’m quite hungry, so I hope you know a delivery service which will show up fast.”

“My favourite pizzeria is usually quite fast”, Erin told her as they got out of the car, leading the way now since she had the keys; she unlocked the front door and let Holtzmann enter, then moved past her again to the elevator, the ride up quiet, but not uncomfortably so, Erin slightly surprised at how comfortable she already felt around Holtzmann, considering how shortly they had known each other.

They remained quiet as they walked to Erin’s apartment, the psychologist only breaking the silence once they were inside by asking Holtzmann if she wanted something to drink, then offered her a seat in the living room while she’d get said drinks; she was acutely aware of how perfectly clean her apartment was, of the shades of white and grey, so familiar to the house of Dr Hudson, but there were differences, too, she knew, and certainly Holtzmann would see those and would not think that Erin was like their main suspect.

If Holtzmann had any thoughts which went into this direction, she kept them to herself when Erin joined her with the drinks and the take-out menu of her favourite pizza service; she merely complimented Erin on how nice her home was and commented on how her place was much less neat, thanking the psychologist as she handed the drink to her.

Sitting down next to her, Erin handed her the take-out menu and told her to choose first; it didn’t take Holtzmann long to find a pizza she’d enjoy, and once Erin had chosen one, as well, she made the call, then leaned back into the couch and let out a small sigh, looking up at the ceiling for a bit as she tried to sort her thoughts.

“I guess you want to know”, she then said, looking at Holtzmann again and taking a sip of her drink before she continued, “what… what happened. So that you can understand why this photo shook me up so badly.”

“I don’t want to know if you don’t want to talk about it”, Holtzmann replied at once, surprising Erin quite a bit – after all, one of the main reasons why she had stopped being an agent and had gone into teaching had been how curious most of her colleagues had been, eager to know what exactly had happened to her and how it was affecting her.

“It’s none of my business”, Holtzmann added at the surprised look Erin gave her, “if you want to tell me, I’m ready to listen, of course, but I don’t want to pressure you into saying anything.”

“Wow”, Erin let out, not having expected that at all, “that… is a new one. Most people couldn’t help themselves, but just had to ask.”

“Oh, don’t get me wrong”, Holtzmann said, making the psychologist raise an eyebrow, “I’m worried about you, not in a condescending way, I just like you and don’t want to see you upset. But I also don’t want to make you any worse by pushing about what happened, so…”

“That is very considerate of you”, Erin said, smiling weakly; Holtzmann smiled back at her, then Erin changed the topic by asking if she was ready to order and, once Holtzmann had confirmed, made the call, the two women talking about everything which wasn’t their job afterwards until the food arrived, Erin feeling comfortable and at ease around the blonde, and grateful for her company, knowing that her mind would have gone to dark places, had she been home alone now.


	13. Chapter 13

_I meet him when he comes to me, seeking help for his father.  
_ _There is nothing I can do for the elder man, but I can quickly see there is something I can do for a grieving, angry son.  
_ _There is nothing I can do for the father, but I want to do what I can for the son.  
_ _It doesn’t take much, just a few carefully dropped hints.  
_ _Talk of vengeance.  
_ _Talk of sacrifice.  
_ _He’s ready._  
_I just give him what he needs  
_ _This is my design._

Erin opened her eyes a minute before her alarm went off and let out a slow, controlled breath; she should be grateful, she thought, that she hadn’t had a nightmare, but what she _had_ seen in her dreams instead hadn’t been much better.

She hadn’t screamed when she had woken up, and she figured that this was something, as it hadn’t prompted Holtzmann to come rushing to her room; she heard no noise from the living room and figured that the blonde was still asleep on the couch there, telling her that she had made no noise before she had woken up.

_You don’t know if this is true,_ she told herself as she reached over to switch off the alarm before it actually could start blaring, _you_ can’t _know if this is true._

She knew this, part of her knew it; another, much bigger and more experienced part knew that she was right though, that this had been exactly what had been going through Dr Hudson’s mind when he had helped the grieving son with forming his plan for vengeance.

And even though Erin knew she could know this even less, she was sure that this couldn’t be the first time Dr Hudson had done something like this.

She made a mental note to get a more thorough background check on the man, perhaps find out about his college records, see if something unusual was in there; then, she took in another controlled breath, steadying her heartbeat, before she got out of bed and quietly moved to the living room, finding herself smiling despite the serious situation as her gaze fell on the couch.

Both Holtzmann and she had been stuffed and tired once they had finished the pizza, but Holtzmann hadn’t left for her home right away; they had watched TV for a bit, a documentary on koalas, which had made Holtzmann squee, and by the time it had been over, Holtzmann had been fast asleep, snoring quietly as her head rested on the couch’s backrest.

Erin had gone to get a blanket, and when she had covered her up, Holtzmann had woken up just enough to lie down on her side; and now, she was still slumbering, wrapped up in the blanket so thoroughly that only her nest of blonde hair was visible, soft snoring noises coming from within the blanket.

A second, closer look revealed that Holtzmann had, at some point during the night, pulled off her pants and her bra, the pieces of clothing lying on the floor next to the couch now; she apparently had kept on her sock and shirt though, Erin spotting her glasses on the coffee table in front of the couch as well, smiling to herself at how comfortable the blonde had gotten even as she had slept, and glad that Holtzmann apparently had rested quite well.

“Holtzmann?” she said, trying hard to not sound too loud, not wanting to startle the younger woman; an oddly cute grunting noise came from somewhere within the blanket bundle, then the blanket was pulled down enough to reveal Holtzmann’s face, the blonde blinking sleepily before she, barely having her eyes open, groped for her glasses, quickly finding them and putting them on before she sat up on the couch.

“Good morning”, Erin said, smiling when Holtzmann immediately beamed brightly at her, having gone from sleepy to wide awake within only a few seconds, “I take it you slept well?”

“Oh, I did”, Holtzmann gave back, tossing the blanket aside and revealing that she indeed still wear her socks and shirt, to Erin’s slight amusement, “your couch is awesome. Almost more comfy than my bed. You’re lucky it’s just almost as comfy, or I would sneak in here one day and steal it.”

“Well, if my couch does get stolen now, you will be my prime suspect”, Erin solemnly told her, making her snicker; the psychologist smiled at her, then asked if she was up for some coffee, a bit regretful when she added that she usually didn’t eat breakfast until she arrived at the office and thus had no food suited for this particular meal of the day at her home.

“No problem”, Holtzmann told her, “I always keep granola bars in my desk, or we can stop on the way and grab something. It used to be candy bars, but Dr Gorin got me into eating healthier, claiming no one would take a forensic scientist with bad teeth seriously, even though the logic required to come to this conclusion eludes me.”

“Perception”, Erin replied at once, then leading the way to the kitchen, speaking on as Holtzmann trailed along behind her, beginning to prepare the coffee machine as she talked, “people don’t know much about forensic science, especially not those who never come in contact with it before something happens in their lives which causes this contact. What they do know, they get from TV shows like Navy CIS and similar programs, and in these shows, the forensic lab is always portrayed as clean and sterile, even as unfittingly pretty. And even though it might not always be the cause, bad teeth are commonly associated with lack of hygiene, so, dirt. And nobody would trust a dirty forensic scientist.”

As she finished, Erin realized how Holtzmann was looking at her, and blushed deeply, fidgeting now as she cleared her throat; before the blonde could say something though, she spoke up again, focusing harder on the coffee machine than perhaps necessary, once again suddenly finding it hard to look the other woman in the eye.

“Sorry”, she said, missing how Holtzmann gaped at her in response to this simple word, “I got carried away, didn’t I. It happens, and then I bore people out of their minds, I’m really sorry.”

“No no no no”, Holtzmann let out in response, earning a surprised look from the redhead, “are you kidding? That is super interesting, I love learning such new stuff. Why do you think I’ve read the book you wrote with Abby so often? Please, get carried away as often as you like, I love it.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, not having expected this at all; she could tell from the way Holtzmann was looking at her though that the blonde had meant every word, and it made her heart tingle oddly, a smile curling her lips before she fully realized it was forming.

“Well”, she said, eager to distract herself from these odd feelings, even though this wasn’t exactly easy when Holtzmann gave her a bright grin, “that’s good to know, then.”

She smiled at Holtzmann for another moment, then focused on the coffee machine again; and not long afterwards, both Holtzmann and she each had a cup of the steaming hot liquid, Erin raising an eyebrow at how much sugar the blonde dumped into hers.

“Say nothing”, Holtzmann told her as she noticed her gaze, “Abby always tells me I might as well spoon the sugar right into my mouth. But, I gave up my candy bars, so I at least want to keep my sweet coffee.”

“I’m not judging”, Erin let her know, making her smile brightly again, “I just worry for your teeth, because I have no spare tooth brushes here. So you can’t brush yours after we finished that coffee.”

“I got a basic hygiene kit and a change of clothes in my desk”, Holtzmann replied, shrugging, “for those long hours at work, so no worries there.”

“Prepared for everything, huh”, Erin commented, making Holtzmann grin and nod; she smiled back at her, then they both focused on finishing the coffee before Erin excused herself to the bathroom to get ready for work, still happy and grateful that Holtzmann had remained here for the night, having felt much safer than she would have, had she been all on her own.


	14. Chapter 14

To Erin’s surprise, nobody batted an eye when Holtzmann and she arrived together, and neither when Holtzmann grabbed her basic hygiene kit and a change of clothes from her desk; the blonde declared that she would be right back, then vanished in the direction of the washrooms while Erin went to get herself another coffee, deciding that, if nobody of the team would mention the obvious fact that Holtzmann had spent the night at her place, she wouldn’t say anything, either.

Instead of commenting on where Holtzmann had spent her evening, Erin sat down at her computer, thinking back to what she had dreamt before she had woken up; she was still convinced that this was true, that this had been exactly what Dr Hudson had been thinking, and she was determined to find some way to prove herself right.

The files she had found on the doctor hadn’t given her anything to work with, but she’d had an idea, a hunch even, perhaps, and was determined to follow it; and so, by the time Holtzmann returned in fresh clothes and with minty fresh breath, Erin was so focused on her work that she didn’t even notice the blonde come back.

Not wanting to disturb her, Holtzmann went back to her own task – analysing bits and pieces of the unfortunate person they had found in the tub; she was fairly sure that it was the man who had been their prime suspect, and that Dr Hudson had put him there, but _fairly sure_ wouldn’t work with Dr Gorin, and she knew she would have to find proof.

A quick check on the tests she’d left running over night told her what she already had been suspecting, namely that the body had been male; this didn’t give her any more information though, and so, she decided to make her way downstairs to the pathologic lab, figuring that by now, the doctors there might have figured something out, too, the body having been delivered there right after the team had called it in, and the doctors downstairs knowing that the body was part of a high priority case.

Holtzmann let Patty know where she was going, grabbing her cell phone when Dr Gorin told her to, just in case she’d need to be reached during her little trip downstairs; when she opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, she had to veer to the right to avoid the mail guy with his cart, the man mumbling an apology as Holtzmann regained her balance and moved past him.

“No problem Vern”, she called out over her shoulder, slowing down a bit as she walked to the elevator, not wanting to bump into anyone else; she made it to the elevator without any further incidents, whistling to herself as she rode down, reflecting on how cliché it was that the pathologic lab was actually in the basement, like in some sort of horror movie.

At least, it looked nothing like a horror movie, she thought to herself as the elevator doors opened to a clean, well lit white hallway; it wasn’t eerily quiet either, people moving back and forth and their voices audible from the various offices, several nodding at Holtzmann in greeting as she walked past them, the forensic scientist nodding back at them and smiling, feeling quite at home in these halls.

And it was no surprise that she did, she thought to herself as she made her way to the basement’s largest area, the actual pathologic area where doctors did their autopsies and ran all sorts of tests, after all, she had been spending most of her days down there before she had been chosen by Dr Gorin for the Riverside Ripper case and, after having done a stellar job there, had been taken onto the team full time, the office she’d had down here now used by someone the FBI had hired to replace her.

Clearly, there were no hard feelings from her former colleagues, as nobody gave her any hostile looks or whispered behind her back; if any did feel jealous or angry at her changing teams like this, they didn’t let it show, and Holtzmann was glad about it, not wanting her job to be made even more difficult than it could be by troublemakers from within their own organisation.

“Hey, Dr Abernathy”, she greeted as she entered the large lab, raising her voice to be heard over the din of the people working there; one of the doctors nearby reacted to her call and turned to look at her, a woman Dr Gorin’s age, with a much less stern look on her face though, a sunny smile somewhat similar to Holtzmann’s own curling her lips as her eyes met the younger woman’s.

“Holtzmann, good morning”, she said, putting down the scalpel she had been working with, but not bothering to pull off her gloves, “coffee? Water? Information?”

“Coffee and information, please”, the forensic scientist gave back, following the head pathologist to the coffee machine, an expensive monster which roasted beans right before brewing the coffee and made enough noise to let everyone in the whole basement know a coffee was being made; and so, Holtzmann remained quiet until the two coffees were done, ignoring the way Dr Abernathy shook her head as she threw three sugar cubes into the black liquid.

“So”, she said, after she had taken a sip of the strong brew and had licked her lips in appreciation – the coffee machine was loud as Hell, but it did make the best coffee in the whole building, “you got anything for me?”

“Not much”, the pathologist gave back, prompting Holtzmann to make a face, “the teeth were mostly ruined from the acid, so don’t bet on the dental records. Same for the hands, so no fingerprints either. We did manage to find a few hairs though, and are working with that, and there was a metal rod in the guy’s right leg, you don’t happen to know your guy had that, do you?”

“Not yet, but I can find out”, Holtzmann told her, “and it’s a start. Dental records are not a total bust, though?”

“Maybe not”, Dr Abernathy replied, “we’re not quite done with the teeth yet, but they did not get fully ruined, so maybe you guys will get lucky. Here’s the file on what we got so far, we’ll deliver the rest during the end of the day, teeth info included. If you take this mug back to your lab with you, and you don’t bring it back, I will chase you and poke you with my scalpel.”

“That is gross misuse of a scalpel and you know it”, Holtzmann gave back, making the elder woman snicker; she took another moment to smile, then finished her coffee with a few big gulps, shrugging at the way Dr Abernathy was gaping at her afterwards.

“What”, she then said as she grabbed the file detailing the progress the team had made so far, “you know me, I’d totally forget about that mug. And I don’t want you to come after me with your scalpel.”

“This coffee is too good to be gulped down like that, but fine”, the pathologist sighed, prompting Holtzmann to wink at her, “at least I won’t have to chase you now. I’ll let you know once we’re finished with the dental work, but perhaps the metal in his leg will be helpful already.”

“We’ll know about that within the hour”, Holtzmann promised her, then gave her a two-fingered salute and put the now empty mug down before she hurried back to the elevator; she felt somewhat excited and giddy as she rode back up to the floor Dr Gorin’s lab was at, suddenly quite sure that the metal rod in the man’s leg would give them the answers they needed, barely able to wait to get back and tell the others what the pathologists had found out.


	15. Chapter 15

“Check this out, my cohorts”, Holtzmann declared as she entered the lab, making them all look up, Erin and Abby raising an eyebrow in surprising and amusing unison at being referred to as _cohorts_ , “Dr Abernathy and her team worked wonders again and found something for us. And might find more, unless poor bathtub sod’s dental work really is shot to Hell from all the acid he was bathed in.”

“What did they find?” Abby wanted to know, deciding not to comment on the cohorts thing; Holtzmann held the file up in triumph, then said “metal rod on his leg, probably from surgery from a broken bone”, her smile fading though when immediately, Erin frowned.

“Wait”, the psychologist mumbled, turning towards her laptop and typing fast, gaze flickering over the screen as she read through the file she had opened up, “I’m pretty sure that… yeah. The son of Dr Hudson’s patient, our main suspect for this certain case, did not have any metal in his body anywhere.”

“Whaaaaat”, Holtzmann let out, dismayed; in response, Erin turned the laptop around so the blonde could look at the screen, and she made a face when she quickly found the relevant information on the open page, not having expected this turn of events at all.

“Aw”, she let out, her disappointment so palpable that it made Erin feel bad for her, even though this meant nothing good for the case as a whole, “then who’s the dead bathtub guy? It’s not Dr Hudson, is it?”

“No”, Erin gave back at once, “no metal in his leg either. But I did dig up some interesting facts about his time at college, the files since he opened his practice have nothing of interest, but he was much less… behaved during his time at college.”

“Oh?” Holtzmann let out, her dismay about this newest turn of the case forgotten, “much less behaved how? Let me guess, it’s a sex thing. He seems like the kind of guy who’d be involved in some creepy sex thing.”

“It wasn’t”, Erin said, amused at how Holtzmann pouted in response, as if this information somehow personally offended her, “if he was into some creepy sex things, or still is, he managed to hide those well. But… he was under investigation for apparently talking someone into, and then assisting this person with, suicide.”

“Oh jeez”, Patty let out, shaking her head, “that’s messed up. They prove anything? Or did he get off the hook?”

“Off the hook”, Erin gave back, not really surprising any of them, “but he did have to leave the college and start over at another one, his reputation at the first one was shot.”

“How did you even access these files?” Dr Gorin wanted to know, raising an eyebrow, “if nothing was proven, and he wasn’t found guilty, so to say, are the files just open for access?”

“No, they are not”, Erin let her know, her cheeks heating up, Abby looking amused while Holtzmann and Patty appeared to be impressed and Dr Gorin looked as always, namely quite neutral, “but, um… I have my ways. I got access to them. No worries, I didn’t do anything illegal.”

Dr Gorin just shrugged, clearly not bothered by the idea of her team members acquiring such information illegally; instead, she asked to see that file, putting on her glasses while Erin opened it on her laptop, and reading through it quickly, nodding once she had gotten done, as if she had expected something like this.

“Guidance”, she then said, taking the glasses off again and putting them into the breast pocket of the lab coat she always wore, even when she was on a crime scene out in the field, “that is what he does. He guides others, and I’m fairly sure our suspect isn’t the first one he guided.”

“Same here”, Erin nodded, glad that Dr Gorin had been the one to say it; she had been thinking this for quite some time, but hadn’t been sure if she should say these thoughts out loud, not sure if her colleagues would have believed her or if they would have thought she was just guessing randomly, behaviour which wouldn’t have been considered very professional.

“It would seem strange”, she added, when Dr Gorin looked at her expectantly, silently encouraging her to go on, “to do this in college and then just… stop, for so many years? Almost three decades? That seems highly unlikely to me.”

“Yeah, I agree”, Holtzmann said, making Erin smile a bit, “but then, why does he push us into finding him like this now? Why leave these things at his house? Does he want to get caught now? He could just come here and demand to be arrested.”

“That’s not it”, Patty commented, shaking her head as if for emphasis, “like you say, Holtzy, if he wanted to get arrested, he could just walk in here and declare he’s talking others into killing. He doesn’t want to get caught, he wants a bigger challenge.”

“I agree”, Erin nodded, “if he’d just want us to arrest him, he would have been waiting at his house. If this has been going on since college, and we’ve had no idea that he was involved in several murders, by guiding people or talking them into killing… He might feel underappreciated.”

“Very possible”, Dr Gorin nodded, “not to generalize, but doctor is a job which comes with a lot of respect from the general public, perhaps that is one of the reasons why he went into this field. I suggest we take a look at the open cases we still got, the ones where medical knowledge was needed… and perhaps also at a few of those we closed, depending on how convincing he is, the ones he guided might not have dared to incriminate him. Or might admire him too much to speak of his part in their work.”

“Well, that is gonna be a lot of work”, Holtzmann said, making the others nod, “luckily for you guys, my lab work is running through tests now, so I can’t do much and have time to help you out. And I am a fast reader.”

Dr Gorin’s nod at this not only confirmed that Holtzmann was indeed a fast reader, but also gave her permission to help with this new task; and so, she went to get her laptop, humming happily again as she moved it so she could sit next to Erin, the psychologist not questioning this, not even when she noticed Abby take quite a bit of interest in this rather harmless fact.

“I’ll go make some more coffee”, Holtzmann declared once her laptop was set up to her satisfaction, “guess we can all need some. Dr Gorin, let me repeat my request that we get the same kind of coffee machine they have down at Dr Abernathy’s lab.”

“Absolutely not”, Dr Gorin replied at once, prompting Holtzmann to pout adorably, the sight in turn making Erin smile, “this thing might make good coffee, but it’s hellishly loud in doing so, and I will not have this level of noise at my lab.”

“Alriiiiight”, Holtzmann signed, her resigned tone showing that this indeed wasn’t the first time she had made this request, and not the first time Dr Gorin had shot it down; she perked up again though quickly and asked if the others wanted coffee, too, then wandered off to get some once everyone had nodded, all of them knowing that a lot of tiring, tedious work was waiting for them now.


	16. Chapter 16

Just like the previous evening, Erin was still lost in her work when Abby and Patty declared they had enough for the day and that they would go home and rest their eyes; and just like the previous day, Holtzmann remained once the two had left, clearing her throat the moment the door had fallen close behind them, glad when this at least got Erin’s attention and the redhead looked at her.

“So”, Holtzmann said, giving her best to sound light and as if asking what was on her mind didn’t make her palms clammy and her heart beat faster – and that was bad, she reminded herself, getting crushes on colleagues never worked out, and she should get this under control fast, “you, um, want a ride home again? I really don’t mind, before you say anything. I can keep you company again too if you like?”

“That would be nice”, Erin gave back quickly, before she could overthink this and perhaps talk herself into believing it was a bad idea, “but do you still have fresh clothes here? I don’t want to be a nuisance…”

“You’re not”, Holtzmann reassured her at once, making her smile a bit, “and if it’s no trouble for you, we can drop by at my place first and I can grab some clothes. Oh, and my pyjama, and my basic hygiene kit two, I have more than one of those.”

“Always prepared, huh”, Erin commented, making Holtzmann wink and nod; the wink made her feel oddly tingly inside again, and she distracted herself by clearing her throat, then nodded as well, once more deciding quickly, before her own treacherous brain could ruin this for her.

“I’d really appreciate that”, she added, earning another smile from the forensic scientist, “thank you for offering. Perhaps it’s not very professional, but I would feel safer with someone else around…”

“No problem at all, and I get that”, Holtzmann nodded, shutting down her laptop and sliding it into her bag, making Erin wonder if she was planning to do some more work or if she just took it along every time, knowing some agents preferred this to leaving them at the office or lab overnight, “maybe we should suggest to Abby and Patty too that they should stick together after hours. Not to sound paranoid or overly cautious, but Dr Hudson does know all four of us, and if he wants to up the challenge for himself…”

“…he might make a move at one of us, if we’re too slow for his liking”, Erin finished for her, making her grimace and nod, “I’d like to say it seems unlikely, with what we know of him so far, but depending on how unstable he is… or becomes as the days go by… if his mind wasn’t changing, deteriorating perhaps, he might not even have pushed us into learning about what he does the way he did.”

“I agree”, Holtzmann nodded solemnly, “I’m not psychologist, but that makes sense. He could have gone on for years if he hadn’t let us know he is behind it, right? Nobody had an idea he was doing this.”

“None that I know of”, Erin confirmed, sighing while she shut her own computer down, not taking it along though, figuring it would be safe in the lab until the next day, “we’re not done with all the files yet Dr Gorin had pulled for us, but if there had been any suspicion at any point that the suspects have some sort of mentor, it would have come up, one way or another. He must have covered his tracks very well.”

“But we’ll find him”, Holtzmann confidently said, making the psychologist smile again, “nobody’s perfect, and I’m sure he’s not, either. He will have made a mistake somewhere, and as Dr Gorin says, she only wants the best of the best on her team, so we’ll find him.”

“I like your confidence”, Erin let her know, earning a toothy grin which made her feel oddly tingly inside again, feelings she quickly pushed aside as she told herself that this had no place here, in this lab, in this environment, “and I hope you’re right, because if we don’t find him, and stop him, who knows how much longer he will keep going.”

“Which is why we will find him”, the blonde nodded, earning another smile as they walked to the elevator together, “and keep him from harming any more people. Even if he harms them by proxy. Abby is working on getting access to all his patient files, so we can compare names to our unsolved case files, it might not lead to much, but maybe we’ll be lucky.”

Erin nodded her agreement to that, yawning as she got into Holtzmann’s car, glad now that she didn’t need to drive; she tried her best to stay awake during the drive to Holtzmann’s home though, not wanting to be rude, thankful when the drive didn’t take too long as the car seat was much comfier than she would have liked.

“You can wait in the car if you like”, Holtzmann offered as she killed the engine, “I won’t be long, the elevator has been broken for weeks and, no offense, but you look kinda beat.”

“If I wait here, I’ll fall asleep for sure”, Erin told her, interrupting herself with a yawn as if for emphasis, “and I don’t want that, sleeping in the car seat will give me a crick in the neck.”

“Good point”, Holtzmann smirked, earning a slight smile from the redhead; together, they got out of the car, Erin momentarily regretting her decision to come along when Holtzmann revealed that she lived on the sixth floor, but not changing her mind, telling herself that she was in good enough shape to handle this – she hadn’t had to participate in any of the FBI fitness tests since she had gone into teaching, but she had made sure to stay in shape, and she was glad about this now, even though her legs burned noticeably by the time they arrived at Holtzmann’s door.

“Fair warning”, Holtzmann told her as she unlocked the door, “my place is a bit messier than yours. Okay, much messier. But I won’t be long, like I said.”

“It’s fine”, Erin reassured her as she entered behind her, even though her eyes did widen a bit; it was chaotic, just as Holtzmann had said, but she could quickly tell that it was no actual trash lying around, and that the chaos wasn’t exactly mess, but all sorts of items and devices, things Holtzmann used for her work and apparently had been working on, the psychologist figuring that she was trying to improve them and thus, the methods she used in her daily work.

“Wow”, she let out, looking around, able to tell what many of the devices which were on every available surface did, but completely stumped by others, “this is… impressive. You’re working on all of this? Or are some of those projects abandoned?”

“All in the works”, Holtzmann told her as she moved to her bedroom, quickly packing some clothes there, her pyjamas and fresh clothing for the next work day, “some more successful than others. Remember that improved device for collecting tiny fibres? Mine.”

“Wow”, Erin said again, impressed, “I remember. No surprise Dr Gorin wanted you for her team, that device has made quite the impression when it was introduced.”

Holtzmann just grinned and shrugged, then held up her duffel bag and declared she was ready to go; Erin nodded and, after another look at the chaos, left the apartment with the forensic scientist, glad to get home soon, looking forward to a relaxing evening even as she knew how much work was waiting for them in the next day.


	17. Chapter 17

“Alright, I got good news”, Abby said once they all had arrived at the lab and everyone had helped themselves to coffee and one of the donuts Erin and Holtzmann had picked up on the way, “we got access to Dr Hudson’s files. That might make our work easier, if we find connections between our open cases and those files.”

“I’ll write a program to cross-reference them faster”, Patty added, making Erin and Holtzmann both nod at once and with quite a bit of relief, “most of his files seem to be electronic, so that will make our work easier. He does have some which are not digitalized, but not many, as far as I’ve seen so far.”

“I’ll go through those”, Holtzmann volunteered at once, “I prefer working with paper to staring at a screen for hours. I don’t know how you do it, Erin.”

“Practice”, Erin gave back, and the two smiled at each other, something Abby didn’t miss; she also had noticed that they had arrived together again, like in the previous morning, but again she didn’t comment, figuring that Erin would talk about why Holtzmann apparently had slept at her place again when she felt like she wanted to share this.

“Well, I’ll leave practicing that to you”, the forensic scientist told her, “where are those files? We got them yet?”

“Not yet, they’re on the way”, Patty told her, prompting her to make a face as this meant she’d have to work at her laptop until the files would arrive, “the judge did grant us access to those files, but insisted that they’re catalogued before we get our hands on them, so nothing gets lost or altered. We should have them before lunch time though.”

“That’s something”, Holtzmann gave back, opening her bag and pulling out her laptop, “guess I’ll work with that until then.”

Erin remembered then what Holtzmann had said about her yellow glasses, and about how she needed them because her eyes were sensitive to light; and she found herself wondering if there had something happened which had caused this, an accident of some kind perhaps, or if Holtzmann had been born with this sensitivity, and how bad it actually could get for her.

She was curious about this, but too polite to ask – Holtzmann might have spent the past two nights at her place, but Erin still figured they didn’t know each other well enough for such personal questions, and told herself that Holtzmann would reveal this sooner or later, once enough trust had built up between the two of them.

So, even though she was curious, Erin held back the questions about Holtzmann’s sensitive eyes, feeling bad for her though when she noticed the face Holtzmann made as she booted up her laptop; the forensic scientist seemed to get over her dismay quickly though, as she started humming while she began working, her humming soon the only sound in the lab as they all were focused on the task at hand, accompanied by the soft clacking of the keyboard whenever one of them typed something.

Patty was the one who typed the most of them, writing the program to cross-reference the files from their database with the electronic ones they had gotten from Dr Hudson’s practice; perhaps, Erin thought to herself as she glanced at her, this wasn’t her actual field, but it was clear that she knew what she was doing, working fast and securely, not appearing as if she needed to think much about what she was doing or as if she was getting stuck in the task.

“Alright”, Patty said a surprisingly short while later, “the program should be ready and working now. Let’s see if it does.”

They all crowded around her, curiously looking at her laptop screen as she tapped a few buttons; the machine whirred audibly as it began to work, files flickering over the screen, Erin quite impressed at how fast it was – she knew her way around a lot of technology, but this was beyond her, and she knew it would have taken her days, perhaps weeks, to figure out how to write a program capable of this.

It took much less time than Erin would have expected, with the number of open cases and the files they had gotten from the doctor; she figured though that Patty had put some sort of “no files older than” part into the program, since it made no sense to check files which had been open since before Dr Hudson had been born, and clearly, this was working, as she could tell from the dates she saw flicker by.

_Search complete_ , the laptop proudly announced, complete with a small pinging sound, _23 matches found._

“Holy shit”, Holtzmann let out, wide-eyed, “twenty-three?! Even if he was just involved in half of those, it’s a lot.”

“Even if it was just one third, it’s still a lot”, Erin said, making a face at the screen, “especially considering that so far, we had no idea that he… exists…”

She trailed off as a name in the list of results caught her eye, her throat suddenly feeling oddly tight, making it hard for her to breathe; judging from how Abby took in a sharp breath next to her, she had noticed the name as well, and from the corner of her eye, she noticed that both Patty and Holtzmann were looking at her too, and realized that, while they might know no details, they had to know enough to know why she reacted to strongly to this one certain name.

_Dr Maxwell Bukowski_

“Maybe it’s just a coincidence”, Abby said, looking at Erin in worry, the psychologist having gone pale, unable to look away from the screen, “there’s more than one Maxwell Bukowski in America, more than one in New York probably…”

“No”, Erin gave back, an audible tremble in her voice which earned her another concerned look from the other three women, “it’s him. I know it’s him. I… I need some fresh air…”

She got up so abruptly she almost threw her chair over, not even noticing this though as she hurried out of the lab, and not bothering to look back if anyone was following her; knowing she couldn’t wait for the elevator, she took the stairs instead, and by the time she had made it to the ground floor, she was almost running, several staff members and agents looking at her startled as she moved past them.

The glass door shook in the frame when Erin almost burst through it, and then she was on the parking lot in front of the building; she stopped her hurried escape and took a few deep breaths, her stomach twinging as if in response, as if to remind her of what she had gone through.

For a while, she just stood there, breathing deeply, trying to calm down her racing heart; and just when her pulse slowly started returning back to normal, the door opened behind her and Abby stepped out onto the parking lot, looking at her with concern but, as Erin gratefully noted, not with the sort of pity she had gotten so much in the first few days.

She could deal with concern, but she knew she wouldn’t have been able to take this kind of pity, not from Abby.

“Hey”, Abby said, stopping next to her, but not touching her, not yet, waiting for a signal that it would be okay, “are you okay?”

“No”, Erin bluntly replied, then took in a shaky breath in an effort to calm herself down further, closing her eyes for a few seconds, her breath hitching when her stomach responded with another painful twinge, “I’m not. This was a mistake. Coming back here, to this building, to this _work_ , was a mistake. I should have known that the second I saw the photo Hudson had.”

“Erin”, Abby started, but Erin shook her head before she could say more; she took in another control breath, feeling bad about what she had to say next, but telling herself it was the only way, that she couldn’t do this anymore, no matter how much part of her wanted to get back to this.

“I’m sorry”, she thus said, and from how Abby’s face fell, she knew what would come next, even before Erin actually had said it out loud, “but I can’t. I’m sorry.”

She turned and hurried off, without giving Abby a chance to say anything else; part of her realized that she still had her laptop and her bag up at the lab, but her keys and her phone were in her pocket, and so, she didn’t care, just eager to get away, eager to get home, away from all of this, away from the memories this name on the screen had brought back.

She knew she couldn’t outrun the memories, knew she wouldn’t leave them behind, but still had to get away, and so, she left, feeling Abby’s eyes on her back until she rounded the corner and was out of sight.


	18. Chapter 18

Erin didn’t know how long she had been sitting on her windowsill and had stared out onto the city, her mind a jumbled mess after what had happened at the lab; she figured though, when the knock came from her door, that it had been several hours, and she wondered who was coming to her home now, figuring there weren’t that many options.

Abby, she told herself, or maybe Dr Gorin, in an attempt to get her to come back, help them finish this one case at least; for a moment, she felt tempted to simply ignore the knocking, then told herself that she couldn’t, that whoever it was probably had her belongings with them, and she did want her laptop back, making a face when she remembered that her wallet had been in her bag, too, just another reason for why she couldn’t just ignore the visitor.

Holding back a sigh, she got up from her seat; sitting there and looking out over the city, seeing the bustle, but not hearing the noise, always had relaxed her, and she felt regretful that she had to stand up, but another knock came from the door, and she figured that she might as well get this over with and return to the sill once she’d sent Abby or Gorin away again.

Knowing that safety had to come first, Erin glanced through the peephole first, wanting to know whom she’d open her door to and if it really was someone she knew; to her surprise, she saw a familiar, but unexpected mess of blonde hair, and yellow glasses, wondering why Holtzmann of all people had showed up as she unlocked the door and pulled it open.

“Hi”, Holtzmann said, giving her a bright smile, as if she hadn’t run out of the lab without explanation mere hours ago, “I figured you might want this back.”

She held up her bag and patted her own one, signalling that Erin’s laptop was in there along with her own; Erin was tempted to just grab the items from the blonde’s hands, but told herself not to be rude – none of this was Holtzmann’s fault, after all, she hadn’t even been on the team when the incident had happened, had been working downstairs still, in the lab of Dr Abernathy, not even having had an idea who Erin had been, back then.

Thus, she stepped aside, allowing Holtzmann to enter; the forensic scientist did so, making her way to the living room and placing the bag on the couch there before she pulled the laptop from her bag and put it on the table, then turned to face Erin, the psychologist unable to not feel bad again when their eyes met.

“So”, she said, sitting down after a moment and prompting Holtzmann to do the same, “how angry is everyone that I just left like that?”

“Nobody’s angry”, Holtzmann told her at once, to her surprise, surprise she wasn’t quite able to hide as she blinked at the forensic scientist, “we’re all just worried.”

Erin found that a bit hard to believe, figuring that at least Dr Gorin had to be angry; she knew the elder woman had had to pull some strings to get her onto the team so quickly, and now, she just had ran off, without as much as a note of resignation.

“Well”, she said, deciding to not question Dr Gorin’s anger or the lack of it for now, “you’ve seen me, so you know I’m fine. You can tell the others I’m fine, but that I’ll go back to teaching now.”

“You don’t look fine”, Holtzmann bluntly replied, the psychologist raising an eyebrow, hoping Holtzmann couldn’t tell how much she was struggling to keep the carefully crafted calm composure she wore like a mask in place now, “when you saw that name on the screen, I thought you were gonna throw up, and you’re still pale now. Can’t blame you though, after seeing… that.”

“I thought you don’t know what happened”, Erin flatly replied, finding herself wondering now if they had lied to her, if they just had said they didn’t know so she wouldn’t feel uncomfortable; clearly, Holtzmann was startled by her tone, looking taken aback, but not offended, shaking her head, responding before Erin had the chance to say anything else.

“I don’t”, she declared, Erin giving her a hard look, not quite sure yet if she could believe her, “but almost everybody at the bureau knows that name, and I think you know that, too. Also, I know you were involved in the case, and I know you quit shortly after it had been resolved. Wasn’t hard to put two and two together when you reacted like this to seeing this asshole’s name on that list.”

Erin briefly closed her eyes in response, taking in a slow, deep breath, not quite sure what to say now; she could tell Holtzmann was telling the truth, but she also could tell that Holtzmann didn’t quite understand why Erin had reacted so strongly to seeing a simple name, not yet.

“Yes”, she said, now finding it hard to look Holtzmann in the eye, and thus staring at the forensic scientist’s feet instead, an oddly detached part of her noticing that Holtzmann hadn’t taken off her shoes when she had come in, “I guess it wasn’t hard. But… I can tell you don’t understand why I reacted like this, not fully.”

She took in a deep breath, then figured there was only one way she could reveal this without talking too much about it, and talk about it was something she did not want to do; and so, she pulled up her shirt, and Holtzmann let out a sharp gasp, showing that she had seen it.

Of course she had, Erin bitterly thought to herself, after all, the long, jagged scar which ran over her stomach was hard to miss, the stark white of the scar tissue contrasting sharply with her skin.

“He got me alone”, she said, letting her shirt drop back down, Holtzmann staring at her with wide eyes, clearly not having expected this, “and cut me open. He told me he’d show me how he works, and that he’d gut me like a fish.”

“Jesus”, Holtzmann let out, sounding oddly breathless, still staring at where the scar was, even though Erin’s shirt was covering it up again, “I had no idea…”

“No one has”, Erin gave back, suddenly feeling tired and drained, even though she had spoken about it as little as possible, “except for Abby. I was in the hospital for weeks, it was a very close call, if they hadn’t found me when they did…”

“But you got him, too, didn’t you”, Holtzmann said, making the psychologist look at her again, “you shot him, I remember that.”

“I did”, Erin confirmed, “don’t ask me how, but I did. While I was bleeding all over his hands, somehow, I managed to get out my gun and shoot him. But you see now why I can’t do this anymore, don’t you? I just can’t. I thought I could, and part of me wants to, part of me still enjoys it, but… seeing his name again today… I can’t.”

“I understand”, Holtzmann told her, and she felt so relieved that for a moment, she feared she would cry, “of course I do. But… I think you’re not realizing how strong you are, Erin. You’re stronger than him. And you know that, if you want to keep going, we’ll be more than happy to have you, the team never would have gotten so far without you.”

“You have everything you need to solve this case”, Erin reminded her, “and you would have found this without me. Especially considering how Dr Hudson made sure we would know that he’s involved. But thank you, for those kind words, and for bringing my things.”

“Think about it”, Holtzmann replied, the psychologist smiling weakly in reply, thinking to herself that she already had and that she wouldn’t go back, that she couldn’t go back; then, Holtzmann surprised her by stepping forward and hugging her, a brief, but tight embrace, over again so fast that by the time Erin was ready to react and perhaps hug the forensic scientist back, Holtzmann had stepped away again already.

“Hope to see you tomorrow”, the blonde said, smiling at her, “but no hard feelings if this is really it, alright? I’d like to remain friends even if we don’t work together anymore.”

“Alright”, Erin made herself say, touched deeper by this simple statement than she would have expected; Holtzmann gave her another smile, then told her she’d give her some peace, adding that she could call her anytime, should she something, and that she should take care.

Erin made herself nod, then followed Holtzmann to the door, suddenly not wanting the blonde to go, but knowing she had no right to ask for her to stay, not again and certainly not after she had abandoned the team; and so, she just told Holtzmann to take care, too, bravely hiding her feelings until the forensic scientist was gone, only allowing a few tears to escape once she could be sure she was alone again, wondering if she just had made a mistake and if it was too late to correct it.


	19. Chapter 19

_Dr Gilbert. Long time no see._

You’re dead. I’ve shot and killed you, you’re dead.

_Shoot me you did. Killed me? Perhaps. Perhaps not. I’m here now, am I not?_

This isn’t real. I’m asleep, I’m dreaming.

_Are you? Why don’t we find out how real this is._

She expects him to attack her, to cut her again and show her that it hurts, to convince her that this is real.

Instead, suddenly, Holtzmann is there, and Bukowski cuts her instead, the way he cut Erin, grabbing her around the waist with one arm and ramming the knife into her stomach with the other hand, and he smiles, and speaks, and Erin knows it’s the same smile and the same words he had for her, back then.

_You’re badly hurt now, so you’ll go into shock. Don’t fight it. Just let it happen. It’ll be soothing. It’ll make the pain go away. It’ll be like slipping into a hot bath._

He turns his head as he cuts Holtzmann open and smiles at Erin, and his face oddly melts, changes from the face which has sneered down on her when she’s been cut this way – it melts and changes and becomes the face of Phil Hudson, and he laugh as Holtzmann dies in his grip, his laughter only getting louder when Erin cries out in terror.

Yet again, Erin didn’t scream when she woke up, even though her heart was racing in her chest and her palms were clammy; she was breathing heavily as she blindly groped for her phone on the nightstand, barely realizing what she was doing as she found Holtzmann in her contacts and pushed the call button.

Only when Holtzmann took the call, sounding sleepy, but also concerned, Erin realized what she was doing – calling someone she only had known for a few days in the middle of the night, and because of a nightmare, and certainly, she realized with her heart speeding up even further, Holtzmann would see now that she couldn’t do this job, would look at her with contempt and would think she was unstable and perhaps even a danger for the team.

She wondered if she could explain it, if it had seemed like so much more than a nightmare, like a warning, with how Bukowski’s face changed to Hudson’s, or if she would sound like a madwoman; and she realized that she couldn’t, there was no way to say this without sounding crazy.

“…I’m sorry”, she said, realizing she had to say something, “I, um… I…”

“Want me to come over?” Holtzmann offered instead of asking her if she had lost her mind or if she knew what time it was; this surprised Erin so much that she could only blink, her silence apparently taken as agreement by the blonde, since she told her she’d be there as fast as she could.

“Okay”, she said instead of telling Holtzmann not to come, figuring that she’d seem even more weird if she’d tell her to stay at her own home; Holtzmann once more reassured her she would hurry, then ended the call, and Erin moved to the windowsill to wait for her, knowing she wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep anyway.

She stared out into the night, tired, but at the same time feeling wide awake; at least, it didn’t take long until a knock came from her door, showing that Holtzmann had been fast indeed, probably having broken more than a few traffic laws on her way to the psychologist.

“Hey”, Holtzmann said once Erin had opened the door, and she was alive and well, Erin could tell that she was… and still, she saw her for a second as she had been in the dream, with blood pouring from her cut stomach and from her mouth, life leaving her eyes along with the blood spilling from her body, and before she could stop herself, she burst into tears.

“Oh no”, Holtzmann fretted, quickly stepping inside and dropping the bag she had brought while she kicked the door close with her heel, “Erin, no, please don’t cry, it’s okay! Everything’s fine, come on…”

She had hugged her before, just hours ago, when she had left after having tried to get Erin to come back, and it had felt right and natural; now, as she hugged her again, she felt a bit awkward, but this vanished quickly when this time, Erin returned the hug at once, practically clinging to her, shudders running through her body as she fought to regain control.

“I’m sorry”, she finally managed to bring out between sobs, pulling back enough so she could look at Holtzmann, wiping at her eyes as she continued, “I know this is going to sound insane but… I had this nightmare, there was Bukowski and he changed into Hudson and he was hurting you so… I was sure this was a warning of some sort, something we’d missed, and that you’re in danger… I know this sounds crazy, and I shouldn’t have called you, but I couldn’t help it…”

“It’s okay”, Holtzmann told her at once, to her relief not appearing annoyed or as if she thought Erin had lost her mind, “it really is, I mean, come on, if it was like one of your hunches, I can’t blame you for being worried. But I’m perfectly fine, see?”

“Yes”, Erin said, unable to hide her relief any longer, “and apparently, you also don’t think I’m crazy. So thank you for that.”

“Of course not”, the forensic scientist reassured her immediately, shaking her head for emphasis, “I would never! And you might be on to something, you know. I bet it’s not a coincidence that Bukowski’s name was in that list, Hudson must have been involved in his case somehow.”

“I think so, too”, Erin sighed, moving to the couch and sitting down, knowing she wouldn’t get much sleep that night anymore anyway, Holtzmann clearly thinking the same as she sat down next to her, “there probably aren’t that many men named out there Maxwell Bukowski, even less with a PhD, and I hope only one who was a murderous maniac.”

Holtzmann made a face and nodded her agreement to that, then pulled her laptop from her bag and declared they might as well take a look at some of the files again then; upon the way Erin raised an eyebrow at this, she added that her laptop was very secure and that, if someone would steal it, they wouldn’t be able to crack it no matter what.

Figuring that Holtzmann knew what she was doing, Erin nodded, dropping the topic of how secure it was to carry around a laptop with FBI files on it; Holtzmann put it on the couch table and switched it on, and for the next few hours, they went over the files again and discussed various ideas and theories, Erin forgetting her fears and the horrible images she had seen in her sleep as she felt comfortable and content around Holtzmann, once again suddenly just sure that everything would work out fine and that Dr Hudson would soon be caught, putting an end to his malicious working in the background of so many cases.


	20. Chapter 20

When Holtzmann awoke, she felt disoriented and a bit confused at first, not sure why she was half sitting, half lying beneath something soft and warm; belatedly, she realized that she was still on the couch, that Erin and she had fallen asleep there at some point during the past night – and that Erin was snuggled up against her, almost wrapped around her, her head resting on the blonde’s shoulder as she was still fast asleep.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she had to swallow heavily, not daring to move, not wanting to wake Erin – she remembered all too well how upset and frightened the psychologist had been the previous evening, how she had burst into the tears the moment she had seen Holtzmann on her doorstep, and now, Erin looked somewhat relaxed and calm as she slept, and Holtzmann didn’t want to tear her out of this peace, not until she absolutely had to.

She peered down at her wrist as carefully as she could, checking the time, relieved to see it was still early enough so she’d make it to the office in time, unless Erin would sleep another hour or two; the laptop, she noticed next, was still on, having gone into standby mode a while ago, but not having shut itself off fully, the soft whirring it produced not loud enough to wake Erin up.

Unable to stop herself, Holtzmann looked at Erin again, taking in her features as she slept; she knew Erin was pretty, anyone with eyes could see that, but after what Erin had revealed the previous evening, she saw her in a new light, her heart beating faster as she studied the sleeping woman.

She had seen how strong Erin was, even if the psychologist herself didn’t see it and thought she couldn’t do this kind of work anymore; and she had realized quickly how brilliant the redhead was, how unique her mind was in the way it worked, and these things only made her more attractive to the forensic scientist.

Once again, Holtzmann told herself that this wasn’t a good idea, that they were working together – even though she wasn’t sure if they still were, not sure if Erin would go to the lab with her or if she’d stick to her decision of not coming back – and even if they weren’t, it might be considered inappropriate and might cause trouble, at the bureau for herself and at the university for Erin; and, she reminded herself, she had no idea if Erin had any interest in her that way, or if her crush was painfully one-sided.

Before she could ponder this further, Erin stirred against her, then let out an adorable little sigh before she opened her eyes; she blinked, apparently as confused as Holtzmann had felt when she had woken up, then realized where she was, that she was cuddled up against a very awake Holtzmann, and she blushed deeply, something which only made her prettier and more adorable to the forensic scientist.

“Oh”, Erin let out, still blushing as she sat up, having to clear her throat before she could continue, “I’m sorry, we must have fallen asleep last night while we were looking at the files… You don’t have a crick in your neck now, do you?”

“No, my neck is fine”, Holtzmann reassured her at once, “I’ve slept in worse places, your couch is very comfortable. One time, Dr Gorin found me asleep beneath my desk at the lab, she scolded me.”

“I would have, too”, Erin told her, raising an eyebrow; Holtzmann gave her an innocent, bright smile which made her heart stutter oddly – again, she realized, she had felt the same when she had woken and had realized she had slept cuddled up against the younger woman, “that’s not healthy, Holtzmann.”

“Probably not”, Holtzmann gave back, shrugging, “but I’m young, I can take it. Mind if I use your shower first?”

“Go ahead”, the psychologist told her, earning another bright smile which caused yet another stutter; Holtzmann gave her a two-fingered salute as a gesture of thanks, then grabbed her bag and vanished into the bathroom while Erin moved to the kitchen, figuring she might as well make some coffee.

As she readied the machine, she heard a familiar vibrating sound from the living room, and held back a sigh, figuring that this was Abby or Gorin, calling to ask if she had changed her mind and would come to work again; telling herself that it would be rude to ignore the call though, she moved to the living room and grabbed the phone, frowning when she saw it was a number she didn’t recognize.

“Dr Gilbert”, she took the call, figuring there was only one way to find out who this was; and when the caller greeted her, her breath got caught in her throat and her eyes went wide, her palms suddenly clammy again as her heart started racing in her chest.

“A wonderful morning to you, Dr Gilbert”, a smooth male voice said, and she recognized him at once even though she only had spoken to him one time, “how are you on this fine day?”

“Dr Hudson”, Erin gave back, voice cold now, making him chuckle as her tone clearly didn’t impress her, “where did you get this number?”

“This is the first thing you think of?” Hudson wanted to know, sounding honestly interested, “I know you’re not trying to stall me, as I know you have no way to track me from your home. Even with the young blonde agent there.”

Erin froze at this, unable to say anything; Hudson chuckled, a smug sound which made her blood boil, and all at once, her anger pushed her shock aside, and burned the coldness from her voice when she finally replied.

“Your mind games won’t work on me, Hudson”, she told the man, making him chuckle again, his laughter only causing her to blood to boil hotter, “don’t forget, I’m a psychologist. You can’t scare me.”

“You sounded scared, though”, the doctor teased her, and she could practically hear the smug smile on his face, “when you realized who I am. Still want to know where I got your number? You surely know it’s not listed.”

“We’ll figure out where you got this number”, Erin let him know, sounding and feeling confident now, even though she knew this was dangerous – clearly, the man had some sort of inside connection to the FBI, and perhaps even had someone spy on her or everyone of the team, if he knew that Holtzmann was at her place, “and we’ll figure out where you got the photo you tried to freak me out with. And we will catch you, and put you behind bars, where you belong.”

“Best of luck”, Hudson replied, still sounding smug and not as if Erin’s words had impressed him much, “I’m looking forward to the chase, Dr Gilbert. Give my regards to Dr Holtzmann.”

Erin hung up without a word in response, then stared at the phone as she took in a few deep, controlled breaths; and just when she had calmed down again, Holtzmann came out of the bathroom, dressed in fresh clothes and her hair already done up in her trademark style, giving her a questioning look as she saw her stand there with the phone in hand.

“Everything okay?” the blonde asked, clearly having noticed something was off; Erin took in another deep breath, then nodded, and the sudden steel in her gaze made Holtzmann feel tingly all over again, no matter how much she had told herself this was inappropriate and dumb while she had been in the bathroom.

“Everything’s good”, Erin let her know, placing the phone on the couch table again, “have a few minutes left? I need to get ready for work, we have an insane doctor to catch.”

Holtzmann was surprised, for a moment, then smiled widely and nodded; Erin gave her a small and tight, but genuine smile in response – before she hurried off to the bathroom, eager to get done quickly so they could go to the lab and she could get started on putting Dr Hudson behind bars for good.


	21. Chapter 21

“Good morning”, Erin greeted as she entered the lab with Holtzmann right behind her, for a moment feeling a bit nervous, wondering if the others would ask her what she was doing here, if she wasn’t aware that she had quit the previous day and that she couldn’t just change her mind willy-nilly from one day to the next; to her relief though, nobody made such comments, Patty and Abby smiling happily and with relief at her entrance while Dr Gorin gave her a nod of appreciation, something Erin figured was as good as the smile she had gotten from the other two women.

“We have a leak”, she announced right after she had sat down at her desk, having decided to not beat around the bush, “we already suspected when Dr Hudson had that photo, I know, but now I know for sure. He called me this morning, while Holtzmann was in the shower.”

Abby and Patty gaped at her in response, and even Dr Gorin raised an eyebrow, a reaction which, for her, was quite strong; Erin looked them all in the eye, one after the other, her voice firm and confident when she continued, even when all four women gaped at her in response.

“And we will not spend time looking for this leak”, she said, feeling her cheeks heat up at their shocked looks, but not backpedalling, explaining before somebody had the chance to ask.

“Because that is what he wants”, she said, understanding dawning in the eyes of the other women, “he wants us to waste time searching for this leak, and get paranoid about the other people working here. Perhaps even try to get us to stop trusting each other, set us against each other. We will not let him. And we will not do what he wants.”

“I agree with Dr Gilbert’s assessment of this man’s intentions”, Dr Gorin said, giving the psychologist a brief nod, “very good deduction, Dr Gilbert. We can worry about who this leak is once we got Dr Hudson in a cell.”

The others nodded their agreement, and Erin felt oddly pleased, knowing at once she had made the right choice when she had decided to come back after all; part of her was still worried that this was a mistake, that she would end up getting hurt again, or freeze in a crucial moment and cause someone else to get hurt, but another, bigger part was happy, and this was the part she had decided to listen to.

_They want you here,_ she reminded herself, meeting Abby’s gaze and earning a bright smile from her, as if Abby had heard her thought and wanted to confirm it, _and they might need you, too. Once you got Dr Hudson where he belongs, you can think about going back to teaching again, but until then, you’re here for good._

The thought made her heart beat faster, with both fear and excitement; the excitement was bigger than the fear though, and so, she smiled back at Abby, then cleared her throat as she gestured at her laptop.

“Shall we get to work, then?” she suggested, deciding to act as if she hadn’t run out of the lab the previous day upon seeing one certain name; the other three nodded, but Dr Gorin cleared her throat, and when Erin looked at her, she knew at once that she was in trouble.

“A word before you get back to work, please, Dr Gilbert”, the elder woman said, and Erin figured she wouldn’t be fired on the spot, if Dr Gorin said she would get back to work after their talk; and so, she nodded, even though she felt nervous again, her stomach twinging painfully, but she fought hard to not let this show, getting up from her seat and keeping a carefully straight face as she followed Dr Gorin down the hallway to a nearby, unused meeting room.

“No need to sit down”, Dr Gorin told her when she glanced at the chairs standing near the round table, “this won’t take long.”

“Okay”, Erin gave back, crossing her arms over her stomach if only so her hands had something to hold on to and she wouldn’t fidget; Dr Gorin cleared her throat again, then her gaze softened, a fact which reassured Erin further she wouldn’t be fired.

“Don’t look so nervous”, Gorin said, even smiling a tiny bit, “I’m not going to fire you. I fully understand your reaction, and I don’t blame you for it. But – and you knew there would be a but – I have to tell you that you can’t make this a habit.”

“I know”, Erin gave back at once, apparently just what Dr Gorin had been wanting to hear, since she gave her another small smile, barely there for a second, but long enough to let her see it, “and it won’t happen again. I know what to expect now, I’m prepared, and I apologize for my unprofessional behaviour yesterday.”

Dr Gorin nodded, signalling that she was done with this topic; she clearly wasn’t done with the talk yet though, glancing at the door to make sure nobody would disturb them before she went on.

“Jillian has stayed with you the past few nights”, she said, making it a statement and not a question, Erin still nodding though, not wanting to just stand there and stare, “and I want the two of you to keep this… arrangement for a bit longer. Until we can be sure that none of us is in direct danger from Dr Hudson. I have suggested the same thing to Dr Yates and Dr Tolan already, they too will stay together after work hours here, just to be on the safe side.”

“Holtzmann and I have talked about this before”, Erin nodded, feeling a bit weird referring to the blonde as Holtzmann when Dr Gorin just had called her Jillian, “and we’ve had the same idea. I don’t think Dr Hudson himself will try anything, he won’t be that direct, but he might send someone. And if he has one of his puppets here in the FBI…”

“A disconcerting thought”, Dr Gorin agreed, briefly making a face, “but, as you said, for now, we should focus on the case at hand. And speak of it as little as possible, when someone who is not part of the team is around. I’ll also make sure that only the four of us can access our files, so as little as possible about our case and progress gets out to others.”

Erin nodded, figuring that this sounded like a good plan; and apparently, this was it for the meeting, as Dr Gorin gave a brief nod as well, then turned without another word and walked out of the room, the psychologist feeling startled for a moment before she hurried to follow her.

As they returned to the lab, the other three members of the team were busy – a little too busy, Erin realized, raising an eyebrow and wondering if Dr Gorin had noticed, as well, it seemed as if they were trying a little too hard – but Abby did look up when Erin entered; the psychologist gave her a brief smile and a nod, signalling everything was fine, and Abby beamed back at her before she focused on her work again, Erin sitting down at her own laptop to get something done as well… and when she saw the name again this time, she bravely read over it, reminding herself of the fact that this part of her life was over, that this man was long dead and that she would not let Dr Hudson scare her off this case with the connection to the man who almost had killed her.


	22. Chapter 22

“Alright”, Patty said several hours later, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her eyes, “this is it. We got all the files compared now. If we didn’t mess up during checking them, our dear doctor was involved in nine of those twenty-three cases, which is still a lot.”

“Especially since we had no idea he is out there”, Erin sighed, making a face, the others nodding their agreement, “not to mention that this are just the cases we know of. Who knows how many are out there who are not in our files in any way…”

“Way to cheer us up”, Abby grumbled, prompting Erin to shrug and give her an apologetic look, both of them fully aware that the redhead only had said what they all had been thinking, “but hey, at least we know for sure that one of them is dead. So we’re down to eight.”

“Two of them”, Holtzmann corrected, gesturing at her screen, “just found out that one Mr Samuel Hardingholm killed himself last year, while still under investigation. Way to prove you’re not a cold-blooded killer.”

“Are we sure he killed himself?” Patty wanted to know, shrugging when they all looked at her, and elaborating, “maybe Dr Hudson helped him along. He might have felt threatened by the investigation, or maybe Hardingholm was threatening him directly, telling him that, if he goes down, he’ll take him down with him.”

“Possible”, Erin nodded, not liking the thought, but having to admit it was a possibility, “it wouldn’t be the first time he got someone to kill themselves. Perhaps we should cross-reference with the files of NYPD, too, see if we get more hits, I’m sure he was involved in more cases than we found.”

“An idea we should keep in mind”, Dr Gorin nodded, “but first we should focus on finding Dr Hudson. Once we got him safely in a cell, we can build our case further, we already have enough evidence to look him up for a while as it is.”

Erin wasn’t quite as sure about this – with how Hudson had practically pushed them onto his trail, she was convinced that he had a few more tricks up his sleeve, and probably an army of lawyers ready and waiting, but she knew better than to start arguing with Dr Gorin about this, figuring that Dr Gorin had similar thoughts, but apparently had deemed them less important than having the man in a cell.

“We got his home address, but we know he’s not there”, Holtzmann commented, looking at the files again, “and don’t think I’m weird now, this is just a hunch, and probably not awesome like Erin’s, but maybe we should check the homes of the suspects he was in contact with? He might be hiding out somewhere there.”

“Worth a try”, Gorin nodded, Holtzmann beaming at her, clearly happy that her idea had been accepted so quickly, “or perhaps, we will find a hint at one of these places, about where he might be hiding. Or one of the suspects will talk to us, even though this would be extraordinarily lucky.”

“Yeah, that is unlikely”, Abby agreed, with a small sigh, “you’d think they’d want to gain favour with the FBI after being under investigation, but they’ll probably be less than helpful.”

“You never know though”, Patty added, shrugging again, “one of them might surprise us. We should get started on that tomorrow, and make sure until then nobody outside this room knows what we’re planning to do.”

“Agreed”, Erin said, not liking the thought of the leak, whoever it may be, telling their plans to Dr Hudson and giving him ample time to leave any hiding place he might have found and come up with another one, “we better make no written notes about this, either. Except maybe on our phones.”

“Not even there”, Gorin decided, shaking her head, “I know all our phones are up to FBI safety standards, but we don’t know what this leak is capable of. I suggest that, until we found Dr Hudson and have time to focus on the search of this person, we remember as much as we can. You’re all brilliant, ladies, I’m sure it will be no problem.”

Erin had to admit that this made sense, and so, she nodded, the others doing so as well a moment later; for a moment, she regretted her own words, her suggestion to not search for the leak at once, but she knew it had been the right thing to say – after all, if they would start the search right away, whoever was responsible for the leaked information certainly would be warned, and she knew the danger of the leak reacting violently then, backed into a corner.

_Better to pretend we don’t know Hudson gets his information from within the FBI_ , she thought to herself as she shut down her laptop and packed up for the day, figuring they would have more than enough to do in the next day, _and then, once we got him behind bars, we can surprise his informant._

She found herself wondering if the leak knew that they were after them, if Dr Hudson had told this person what he had used the photo and Erin’s personal information for; after a moment though, she decided that the leak probably had no idea – Hudson wouldn’t take the risk and tell someone he simply used for information about his plans, and so, the leak probably had no idea that the information they had given to the doctor already had been used.

“Ready to go?” she said out loud, distracting herself from those thoughts as she looked at Holtzmann; the blonde nodded, and they wished Abby and Patty a nice evening before they headed out together, Abby and Patty trailing along behind them, sticking together as well, just like Dr Gorin had recommended.

“See you guys tomorrow”, Abby said as they parted ways at the parking lot, the two of them moving to Abby’s car while Erin and Holtzmann walked on to the forensic scientist’s; Holtzmann had been smart enough to pack for more than one night, and so, they didn’t need to stop by at her place before driving to Erin’s.

“I’m starting to feel bad”, Holtzmann commented as she drove, Erin giving her a surprised and questioning look, and prompting her to elaborate, “because we’ve stayed at your place the last few nights? Maybe we should move it to mine once, so it’s not always yours. But then, your couch is so much more comfy than mine.”

“I don’t mind if we stay at my place”, Erin reassured her, smiling, and glad when Holtzmann smiled back at her, the psychologist noticing the dimples which formed when she did so, before she pushed those thoughts aside as inappropriate, “and not only because my couch is more comfortable. My apartment is… like a safe space for me, and coming home after a day of work is part of my routine and… I like routine. It makes me feel secure.”

Erin blushed as she admitted this, momentarily wondering why she was so open with Holtzmann, then deciding that it was only natural – after all, she had already displayed her scar to the blonde, and after showing this deepest, darkest secret she had, and talking about it somewhat openly, telling about her need for routine and safety didn’t seem like such a big, embarrassing thing anymore.

“I get that”, Holtzmann nodded as she drove, making Erin smile a bit again with how understanding she was, “so if you don’t mind me hanging around at your home every evening, I’m fine with that arrangement, too.”

Erin nodded and reassured her once more that she didn’t mind; then, Holtzmann parked her car in front of the apartment building and they both made their way upstairs, chatting amiably as they stood in the elevator… until the doors slid open, and Erin saw her apartment door, the words dying in her throat as her chest suddenly felt too tight to breathe.

The door was open, but Erin knew she had locked it, knew it with a certainty as firm as she knew her own hair colour; this could only mean one thing, and she felt like fainting as she could only stand and stare.

Someone had been in her home, she knew, someone had been in her home, someone who had no business there.

The security and routine of her home had been breached.


	23. Chapter 23

Holtzmann reacted fast and better than Erin had had, bending down swiftly and pulling her gun from the ankle holster she wore hidden beneath her pants – and hidden quite well, a small, rational part of Erin still noticed, she’d had no idea that it was there – and releasing the safety, keeping her finger from the trigger though as she used her foot to open the door the rest of the way, making sure to not touch anything.

“Stay behind me”, she ordered, her voice firm, but somehow still kind; Erin managed to nod, still finding it hard to breathe, but feeling considerably soothed by Holtzmann’s presence and level-headedness, the calm the blonde projected washing over her like the soothing warm water of her shower, washing away her anxiety and fears, “and keep your hand near your gun, just in case.”

Erin let out a vaguely agreeing noise, having realized that she was behind Holtzmann and that the younger woman couldn’t see her nod; she made sure to stay close to her, but not so close that she would end up being in the way, should the culprit still be here.

Part of her already knew that, whoever it had been, they were gone now, and apparently, they had done a very thorough job of searching her apartment, looking for whatever it had been they had been after.

There was chaos everywhere, Erin saw, her anxiety growing again; her books were on the floor, the cushions of her couch actually had been cut open one by one, the fluffy while filling everywhere, like blood spatter, she morbidly thought to herself, her drawers had been opened and the contents thrown to the floor, and not just in the living room, either, but in the kitchen as well.

Erin couldn’t see her bathroom and bedroom from where she was standing, but she was sure it would be the same there, and she felt like throwing up as she navigated the carnage, just as careful as Holtzmann to not disturb anything.

“Erin”, Holtzmann tore her out of her observations, sounding firm, but kind still, an odd mixture, Erin thought to herself, “I need you to take some photos of this. Can you do that for me?”

“…yes”, Erin forced herself to agree, telling herself that this was good and necessary, that it would give her something to do, something to distract her from the panic welling up within her again and again, the water imagery coming back as it reminded her of the sea washing up against high cliffs, part of her wondering why she was using metaphors like this in her mind, she never had been too fond of the ocean, “yes, I will, just let me get out my…”

She dug her phone from her pocket, with some fumbling, thanks to how much her hands were shaking; at last, she managed though, and managed to not drop the phone as she started to take photos, documenting as much of the damage as she could.

Holtzmann kept leading the way, stepping over items on the ground as she moved to the bathroom, then to the bedroom; these rooms were as messed up as the living room and kitchen, and Erin felt sick when she saw that her underwear drawer had been pulled out, as well – and from how the underwear looked, it hadn’t just been dropped to the floor, but had been rifled through, an unpleasant mental image of a shadowy figure holding her panties and bras in just as shadowy hands making her chest tighten up again.

Still she managed to take pictures, of the underwear and her other clothes on the ground, and of the rest of the carnage which had been done to her bedroom; the bathroom was just as bad, her hygiene products lying everywhere, even her tampons strewn to the floor, and even though she knew Holtzmann probably used the same or similar products, she felt embarrassed, feeling her cheeks flushed as she stared at the little white cylindrical shapes on the floor.

To her relief and gratitude, Holtzmann didn’t react in any visible way to what had been done to her apartment, just keeping her gun pointed to the ceiling, even though they both already knew that whoever had done this was long gone.

“Let’s call Dr Gorin”, she said once they had finished checking all the rooms, bending down to holster her gun again, Erin distracting herself from her anxiety and fear by admiring once again how well the cut of Holtzmann’s pants hid the holster and the weapon, “and let her know what happened here. I’ll get clearance from her to do the securing of evidence myself, so we don’t have to wait for a team to arrive.”

“Okay”, Erin made herself say, tucking her phone away again, figuring that enough photos had been taken, “I… I’ll wait outside, if you don’t mind, and don’t need me…”

Holtzmann reassured her it was okay, then walked back to the door with her, calling Dr Gorin on the way; she quickly explained what had happened, then just let out agreeing noises for a bit, hanging up after a minute or two and giving Erin a reassuring look.

“I got clearance”, she let Erin know, to the psychologist’s relief, the thought of a whole bunch of crime scene investigators crawling around in her apartment making her sick to her stomach, “I’ll just get my stuff from the car and get started. I’ll be right back.”

“I’ll come with you”, Erin said at once, not really surprising Holtzmann, not after how close she had remained to her during their check of the apartment, “I don’t… I don’t feel comfortable waiting here alone, even if whoever did this is gone…”

Holtzmann just nodded, then gave her a reassuring smile and briefly touched her back; Erin made herself smile back at her, a smile which wasn’t quite steady around the edges, but genuine enough, the two women just looking at each other for a few more seconds before they got moving again, Erin telling herself that she could do this and that surely, Holtzmann would find something, that soon, they would know who had done this and put the person responsible behind bars, along with Dr Hudson, both Erin and Holtzmann convinced that the break-in and the case there were working on were connected, even if no such connection was visible for now.


	24. Chapter 24

Holtzmann began her work with taking Erin’s fingerprints first, so she would know which ones she could ignore during the crime scene investigation inside the apartment; and even though Erin knew that technically, this wasn’t necessary, what with the FBI having her prints on file, she let it happen, if only because of the routine and calm with which Holtzmann performed the task.

Part of her was aware how nice it felt to have Holtzmann touch her hands, and explain in a kind, calming voice what she was doing, every single step; Erin knew every single one of these steps, having witnessed them many times during her career, but still it made her feel better to have them explained to her like this, Holtzmann’s low, pleasant voice only adding to the calm her gentle, but still secure touches made her feel.

Erin figured that this was the main reason why Holtzmann was doing this, to calm her down after what they had found at her home; and if it had been anyone else, she would have felt offended, would have been sure they saw her as pathetic and weak, and would not have let it happen, if only to keep up the façade of calm and strength.

She knew though that Holtzmann didn’t do this out of some weird sense of pity, but because she genuinely wanted to make her feel better, and so, it didn’t bother or even hurt her, but simply made her feel good, something she needed after what had happened, and something she allowed herself.

For a moment, she wondered if she should tell Holtzmann that she knew what the younger woman was doing, and why, and thank her for it; then, though, she decided against it – thanks to her knowledge from being a psychologist, it was somewhat easier for her to figure out people’s thoughts and motivations than it might be for many others who did not have the same training, but this didn’t mean that it was wise to embarrass people with what she knew about them, and she was quite sure that Holtzmann would be embarrassed if Erin put her on the spot like that.

And so, she said nothing, just nodded when Holtzmann told her she was done and could get to work inside the apartment now; not wanting to stand outside in the hallway and wait after what had happened, Erin asked to know if she could go with her in response, the forensic scientist shrugging, then nodding, giving her a toothy smile afterwards.

“Guess I won’t need to tell you the do’s and do not’s of crime scene investigation”, she then said, making Erin smile a bit as she shook her head; and Holtzmann was glad that she had gotten that smile from Erin, as this was exactly what she had been aiming for when she had made her comment.

Unlike Erin, she wasn’t a psychologist – she had done some reading on the subject, but was very aware of her own skills, and knew that she was a layman at best when it came to this field – but she had been able to tell how much Erin had been shaken up by what had been done to her home; for a while, she had been worried that Erin might have a panic attack right then and there, and so, the smile was a welcome sight, a good sign that Erin was truly regaining her composure and not just faking it.

She entered the apartment first, after giving Erin another bright smile, and began her work, using the device she had come up with – and which she smartly had patented before the government had been able to snatch it up – to pick up a whole lot of fibres; and she impressed Erin yet again with how thoroughly she worked, and with the powder she used to pick up finger prints, one much finer than the one the FBI regularly used, and one which would be easier to clean off her stuff, too.

“Not your standard issue powder, this one”, Holtzmann told her, having noticed her look as she doused another liberal portion of said powder onto one of the drawers which had been pulled from her wardrobe, “my own concoction, like the Holtzmann Fibre Grabber 2000. Still working on the name, by the way. Haven’t gotten one for this powder yet.”

“The Holtzmann Fingerprint Finder 3000”, Erin suggested without missing a beat, and Holtzmann had to turn her head away as this made her snort, avoiding blowing the powder everywhere, “would go well with the Fibre Grabber. Even though the Fibre Grabber would sound better too if it had an allegory in the name.”

She fell silent when Holtzmann didn’t react, wondering if she had offended her somehow; then, she realized that Holtzmann was intently staring at some point behind the wardrobe, but before she could ask what was going on, the blonde came to her feet and moved to the spot which apparently had fascinated her, pulling a long forceps from her bag as she did so.

“You know”, she said in an oddly conversational tone, “you don’t strike me as the type who’d take home soft drinks, I know for a fact you didn’t do so the last few days, and even if you did, I strongly doubt you would just throw the empty cups behind your wardrobe. So I assume this isn’t yours?”

She used her forceps to pull a McDonald’s paper cup from where she had spotted it when she had turned her head, and Erin gaped, not having had the slightest idea this was there; her reaction was enough to answer Holtzmann’s questions, and she grinned as she let the cup drop into one of the Ziploc baggies they used for securing evidence.

“Score”, she then said, shaking the baggie with a wide grin on her face, “bet you ten bucks that we’ll find some DNA on this. Saliva, and fingerprints, too, and if we’re really lucky, we’ll have those in our database already. Might not be Dr Hudson’s, I doubt he did this himself, but might be our mole, or someone who’ll lead us to him.”

She handed the baggie to Erin, who took it gingerly, as if afraid that she might contaminate the contents somehow even through the protective plastic; and then, she went to check the rest of the apartment, wanting to be thorough even after this amazing find.

Erin followed her, figuring that this made sense, even though apart from the cup, nothing had been found so far; she wondered if anything useful would be in the fibres Holtzmann was collecting, then looked at the cup again, frowning to herself now that she had a minute to think about it.

This was too good to be true, she now realized – Holtzmann hadn’t found any fingerprints so far which didn’t look remarkably like Erin’s, and even though they couldn’t know for sure yet they actually belonged to the psychologist, Erin was fairly certain that all Holtzmann had found were hers.

It made no sense, she realized, whoever had done this had been so careful to not leave any fingerprints behind, but had been careless enough to drop this cup; Holtzmann was humming happily to herself now though, clearly pleased with what she had found, and Erin didn’t have the heart to voice her thoughts to the forensic scientist.

So, she kept them to herself, and followed her along as she finished her work, hoping that they weren’t making a mistake and that nobody innocent would have to pay for what Holtzmann had found.


	25. Chapter 25

Holtzmann was eager to get their find back to the FBI lab, and Erin figured that this was the safest place they could be at for the moment; she didn’t want to stay at her home after what had happened, and they had reason to suspect that the culprit knew where Holtzmann lived, too, so going there wasn’t an option, either.

Unlike Holtzmann, Erin didn’t have a change of clothes at the lab, not anymore; she had had one back when she had been active, before the incident, but had taken those with her when she had gone into teaching, and so, she had to pick up a bunch of clothes from the ground once Holtzmann told her it was okay to do so and pack them, the blonde calling ahead to the forensic lab and telling them what she needed to have readied by the time she’d arrive there so she’d be able to start right away.

“All done”, Erin let her know once she had hung up, making Holtzmann smile and nod; they left the apartment together, Erin still carrying the Ziploc baggie with the paper cup, even though she still worried that this was used to set someone up, and not a piece of evidence which would lead them to the actual culprit.

She had been reluctant at first to tell Holtzmann about this, at first; the more she thought about it though, the more the whole thing felt wrong, and saying nothing started to feel equally wrong, and so, once they were in Holtzmann’s car again, she cleared her throat, glad when Holtzmann looked at her at once, and just as glad that the blonde wasn’t actually driving yet, but still parked in front of her building.

“I know you were quite happy when we found this”, Erin started, deciding not to be blunt, not wanting to make this worse than it had to be, “but… I’m not as sure as you are that this will truly lead us the right way. It just… seems too good to be true.”

“Oh I know”, Holtzmann gave back at once, Erin blinking in surprise, not having expected this answer the slightest, “this is totally a set-up. I found no fingerprints which don’t look a lot like yours, so I’m pretty sure there won’t be any but yours in the final results, and as far as I can tell at the moment, I didn’t find any hair which isn’t yours, either. Someone who is that careful while doing as much vandalism as they did at your place isn’t careless enough to drop a McDonald’s cup.”

“You really are brilliant”, Erin said without thinking, blushing at the bright, delighted smile Holtzmann gave her in response, her blush only deepening at what the forensic scientist said in response, even though the younger woman’s teasing tone showed she wasn’t truly serious.

“So you doubted my smartness until now?” she wanted to know, still grinning though, making the words sound less harsh than they could have been, “aw, Dr Gilbert, I’m so hurt.”

“No, I did not”, Erin defended herself, earning a snicker from the blonde, “I knew you’re good at what you do. One of the best, if not _the_ best. But… well, no offense, but what we just talked about, that’s not forensic science, that’s psychology, and that is not the field you’re an expert in.”

“Well, no”, Holtzmann admitted, making it Erin’s turn to smile, “but I did some reading on it, I know that doesn’t make me an expert or even someone with advanced knowledge, but I do know about forensic science, and I know that someone who doesn’t drop a single hair won’t do the same with a McDonald’s cup.”

“Yes, I guess one doesn’t need a PhD in psychology for that”, it was Erin’s turn to admit something now, “but if you knew this the whole time, why were you so excited about the cup?”

“Because”, Holtzmann gave back, now starting the engine and manoeuvring her car out of the parking spot, “if it’s someone close to us – someone from the FBI – we know for sure that the mole is in the FBI, too, actually working with Hudson and not just supplying information to a third party. If it’s someone not from the FBI, it at least will be a person somehow connected to the case in another way, Hudson would be too smart to frame someone who has had nothing to do with any cases ever, he’d know we’d figure out at once that the whole thing is a set-up. And once you find one connection, you can find the others, sooner or later. And then, the whole thing can be unravelled, one thread at a time.”

“If Hudson doesn’t already know we’ll figure out this is a set-up and is just trying to get us to waste time”, Erin pondered aloud, having to admit that Holtzmann had made some good points, “only that we won’t, not during the day, if we’re going there right now. Perhaps he didn’t count on that.”

“Probably not”, Holtzmann gave back, stopping at a red light and taking the chance given by this to look at the psychologist, “he probably thinks he’s really smart, outsmarting us at every turn, but honestly, he’s not. He has no idea how brilliant you are, you can outthink him in your sleep.”

“Oh”, Erin let out, blushing yet again, not having expected to be complimented like this, even though she just had said something similar to Holtzmann and it would only make sense for the blonde to return the compliment, “well, thank you. Let’s hope you’re right, and we’ll outsmart him fast enough to stop him before he can get any more people hurt. Not to mention the carnage he could do if he really has someone at the FBI working for him…”

“We will”, Holtzmann confidently said, making the psychologist smile again, “with the four of us working together, he stands no chance. Just wait, we’ll have him behind bars sooner rather than later.”

Erin still didn’t feel quite as confident about this, but made herself nod; Holtzmann gave her another bright smile in response, then stepped down on the gas pedal as the traffic light switched to green again, both women now silent as she drove back to the FBI building.

It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, though, Erin noted – and God knew she’d had more than her fair share of those throughout her life, so she could tell exactly that this wasn’t one of those unpleasant moments –, instead, it made her feel oddly calm and content; she leaned back into the seat and looked out the window, thinking about the case again, about the damage done to her apartment and about the cup which had been left there.

Sensing that Erin was getting lost in her thoughts, Holtzmann didn’t say anything, but focused on driving; every now and then, she’d glance at the psychologist, took in her profile, thinking to herself how she would never get enough of looking at Erin’s face, even if such thoughts were high inappropriate and might even get them in trouble, should those thoughts be reciprocated by the redhead and lead to something much more intimate than just looking at each other.

The FBI building looming up ahead distracted her from these thoughts, and she forced herself to focus again so she wouldn’t end up damaging another car while parking hers; and once the car had been parked and she had killed the engine, they entered the building together, the front desk guard looking surprised at seeing them return, but not making any comment.

Not bothering to go to their own lab, Holtzmann headed for the evidence lab right away, having called ahead to make sure they were ready for them; Erin followed her, feeling curious now if they might find anything on the cup, even though they both knew it had been planted, feeling oddly out of place when she stepped into the lab – she had been there before, of course, when she had been an active agent before the incident, but hadn’t set foot in there since her return, realizing quickly that quite a few things had changed since the last time she had been there.

“Holtz, hey”, one of the agents working there greeted her, the familiarity between them making Erin feel even more out of place – until the woman’s gaze focused on her, and she smiled brightly, with a warmth Erin hadn’t quite expected from her.

“And Dr Gilbert”, she said, inclining her head slightly as a greeting, “long time no see. I imagine you don’t remember me, I started here about a week before you… left, but I’ve heard much of you. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. Dr Christine Everdeen.”

“Likewise, Dr Everdeen”, Erin gave back, oddly touched by this; from the corner of her eye, she saw Holtzmann smile at her, but kept her gaze focused on the other woman, not wanting to appear impolite after she’d been welcomed so warmly.

“You got something for me?” the younger doctor said after giving Erin another smile, turning towards Holtzmann now; nodding, the forensic scientist held out the Ziploc baggie with the paper cup out to her, Dr Everdeen to her credit not batting an eye at the unspectacular content, but taking hold of it at once.

“We got it all prepared”, she said as she walked to one of the workstations in the lab, Erin and Holtzmann trailing along behind her, “computer’s hooked up and ready to go, as well. If any DNA is on this cup, and the owner of said DNA is in our database, you’ll know in a short while. Why don’t you take a seat until then?”

Taking the hint that Dr Everdeen didn’t need them looking over her shoulder as she worked, the two women moved to the nearest free seats, and sat down there; not wanting to disturb the doctor’s work, Holtzmann kept her voice low when she asked Erin where she wanted to go once they’d be done here, the psychologist shrugging in reply.

“My place isn’t an option”, she then said, not telling Holtzmann anything new, “and I’m afraid neither is yours, if my place was watched, yours might be, too, and they would know when we go back there. And Hudson knew you were with me when he called me the other day so… We’ll either stay here, we do have bedrooms which would do for an emergency, or go to a hotel.”

“The bedrooms here will do for one night”, Holtzmann said somewhat thoughtfully, making Erin nod with a slight grimace – she had slept in those bedrooms before, tiny rooms not much bigger than closets, and the beds weren’t exactly comfortable, either, “but if we don’t go back home, no matter if it’s yours or mine, a hotel would be better in the long run.”

Erin nodded her agreement to that, and now that this had been settled, pulled out her phone, and started looking through the hotels close to the FBI building; this kept her busy until Dr Everdeen was done with her work, not missing the worried tone of the younger woman’s voice though despite her distracting phone when she called out to both Holtzmann and herself.

“We got a match”, she said, both of them getting up from their seats and moving to where she was standing, “and quickly, too, but it’s not surprising, considering the… source.”

Erin frowned and leaned closer to the screen, Holtzmann doing the same; and a moment later, they both gaped at the monitor, not having expected this the slightest, despite knowing that the cup had to have been some sort of ruse, neither of them able to look away from the name on the screen despite that knowledge, blaring from the white background in stark black letters.

**Match found: Dr Rowan North**


	26. Chapter 26

“This is definitely a setup”, Holtzmann said a short while later on her phone, back at their own lab now, studying the results Dr Everdeen had presented to them, “come on, North? It’s too obvious. He’s unhappy that we didn’t take him onto the team, and pissed that I shot him down when he hit on me, when Hudson planned this, he must have thought these facts are enough to convince us he did it, without questioning it.”

“I agree” Dr Gorin said at once, to Holtzmann’s relief, Erin looking relieved as well, with Holtzmann having put the leader of their team on speaker so Erin could hear what they both were saying, “but I’m afraid we have to react in some way anyway, if only to make Dr Hudson believe his plan worked. If he does think so, he might grow overconfident, think he outsmarted us, and become careless.”

“Possible”, Erin agreed, “he does think that he is smarter than all of us, I could tell from his smug tone when he called me and bragged about having my number and address, not to mention the photo. Feeding into this belief of his will make him careless, I’m quite sure.”

“He’ll think he’s untouchable”, Dr Gorin dryly replied, “if we’re lucky, he’ll keep thinking so right up until the moment we slap handcuffs on him.”

“What about Dr North”, Erin wanted to know after enjoying the mental image of Dr Hudson in handcuffs for a moment, “should we tell him that we’re not moving against him for real?”

“After it happened”, Dr Gorin decided in response, prompting Erin to raise an eyebrow even though the elder woman couldn’t see her, “if he knows before we make our move, he might not be… convincing. He should be, if our mole happens to be around as a witness.”

“I got the feeling they will be”, Holtzmann commented, “if only to see if the plan worked out. Perhaps we should take a closer look at the people around Dr North. We’ll tell the big boss though? He might be pissed if we do this without him knowing.”

“Let me take care of this part”, Dr Gorin told her, and Holtzmann’s relief was quite visible, forcing Erin to hold back a smile as she didn’t want to make the blonde feel as if she was making fun of her, “just make sure you arrest Dr North the moment he comes in tomorrow. In the lobby. Make it public. I’ll explain to him once it’s just him and me.”

Erin wondered how doing this in the lobby should make it possible for them to see who was taking a special interest in the arrest, or see who was reacting in an unfitting way; she figured though that Dr Gorin knew what she was doing when she suggested this, and so, she just nodded when Holtzmann gave her a questioning look.

“Alright”, the forensic scientist said once Erin had given her agreement, “we’ll find out when he’s scheduled to come in tomorrow, and then make sure Abby and Patty will be around at this time, too. This might have been planted to frame him, but who knows how he will react.”

“Good idea”, Dr Gorin agreed, “I suggest you contact them at once, before the hour grows too late. Text me Dr North’s arrival time tomorrow, so we will all be there.”

Holtzmann reassured her she would, then ended the call; she let out a sigh, not quite happy with arresting Dr North, but figuring that Dr Gorin and Erin were right – it might flush out their mole, or convince Dr Hudson of his invincibility and prompt him to make a mistake, but still she felt bad for having to put Rowan through this, even though she didn’t even like him much.

“I know what you’re thinking”, Erin tore her out of those thoughts, making her look at the redhead, “I don’t like it much, either. And I’m not fond of Dr North, I think he’s a chauvinist and not half as qualified as he thinks he is. But this will be harsh for him, and knowing he’s innocent and has been framed…”

“Yeah, I know”, Holtzmann sighed, earning a sympathetic look from the psychologist, “but it makes sense, we do need to convince the mole and Hudson that we bought the planted evidence and think we got the right guy. So…”

Erin nodded, but still reached out and touched Holtzmann’s hand, in a quiet gesture of comfort; she was unaware of the jolt she sent up Holtzmann’s arm with this gesture, the blonde hiding it well, even managing a rather convincing smile in return, determined to not let her silly little crush show, too worried of what it might do to their budding friendship, complete unaware that she hadn’t been the only one who had felt a jolt at the innocent, but tender touch.

* * *

When North arrived in the next morning, Dr Gorin and her team were already waiting in the lobby; the guard had been notified, and Dr Gorin had spoken to the head of the FBI, having explained her plan and the background which had led to this being necessary, the man having agreed to let her do it after having voiced some concerns and worries, just like Dr Gorin had expected.

They moved before he even had made it past the guard’s desk, and they treated him just like any ordinary suspect – moving in on him with their guns out and pointed at him, Dr Gorin snapping at him in her coldest voice to stop moving and to keep his hands where she could see them, her voice so sharp that Erin was surprised it wasn’t actually cutting into his skin.

He did stop dead in his tracks, but apparently more out of surprise than for really having registered what was happening; he had quite the dumbfounded look on his face, but Erin figured she wouldn’t have looked all too smart either, had the roles been reversed, his genuine and obvious surprise just another hint that the cup truly had been planted just to frame him.

“Rowan North, you’re under arrest”, Dr Gorin stated, Holtzmann feeling oddly glad that she was taking over this part of the charade, while Erin glanced at the watching people as unobtrusively as possible, trying to figure out if anyone was not as surprised as they should be or if they looked too smug or too happy; they all looked surprised though, Vern the mailman even having his mouth hanging open comically while the agent standing next to him with a package in hand looked as if he was about to faint.

“Arrest!” North spluttered, eyes growing wide, “what do you mean, I’m under arrest?! What for?”

“Breaking and entering”, Gorin replied as she removed her handcuffs from her belt and moved to stand behind him so she could cuff him, his mouth opening and closing in disbelief, absurdly reminding Holtzmann of a fish out of water, “vandalism. And accessory to first degree murder.”

“What!” North practically shouted this time, trying to spin around to face her, the cuffs having been put onto his wrists by that time though, so all Dr Gorin had to do to stop his movement was to grab his arm, “are you crazy! What are you talking about!”

“You have the right to remain silent”, Dr Gorin told him, unimpressed by his shouting, while Erin dared to lower her gun, not feeling comfortable pointing it at a handcuffed man; Holtzmann apparently had no such qualms, and neither did Abby or Patty, but she still didn’t bring her weapon back up, letting it dangle at her side instead while she let her gaze move over the watching agents and staff again, looking for anything unusual.

“Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law”, Dr Gorin continued with the Miranda warning, “you have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Did you understand the rights I just read to you?”

“This is insane”, Rowan said instead of answering though; Dr Gorin gripped his arm tighter in response and asked him again, and after a second, he nodded, still wide-eyed and clearly afraid, Erin feeling bad for him as she looked at his shell-shocked expression.

“Come with me”, Dr Gorin said, still keeping a tight grip on his arm, one look from her at the others enough to make them holster their weapons, to Erin’s relief, “do not resist. The charges will soon be read to you.”

She marched him off, the four women of the team following suit; everyone they walked past stared at them, nobody apparently having expected this, and Erin fervently hoped that it hadn’t all been for nothing, that they would soon know who the mole was and perhaps even get Hudson in a cell, before anyone else could get hurt or even killed.


	27. Chapter 27

“Man, I wish Dr Gorin was back”, Holtzmann sighed a while later, toying with one of her tools while Erin was busy with her laptop, going through the files of the people working on Rowan’s team, even though she doubted any of them had been the one to steal the cup and plant it, “I want to know how it went. He was genuinely shocked, wasn’t he?”

“Yes”, Erin confirmed at once, looking up from her screen now while Abby nodded as well, “he was. And he meant every word he said. He had nothing to do with any of this, he was framed, but I don’t think any member of his team did it.”

“Why”, Patty wanted to know, putting down her own work to move over to where Erin was sitting at her laptop, Holtzmann getting up as well and moving to the psychologist’s other side; if it had been other people surrounding her like this, Erin would have felt uncomfortable, but it didn’t bother her with these two, even made her feel oddly tingly when it came to Holtzmann.

“I’m probably not supposed to look at these things”, she admitted, blushing a bit even though it was justified that she was looking, “but I checked the files of the other members of Rowan’s team. Um… their medical history, to be exact, and if they used FBI health care to visit Dr Hudson. I know that, if they did, they might not have brought it in for their health care to pay, but if the medical records are correct, none of them went to him.”

“They hopefully would have been smart enough to not do this, if they knew what he was up to”, Abby commented, making Erin shrug, then nod, “but it was a good idea to look at this, Erin, better to check all options. Is there a way we can search all the files for someone using their health care to pay Dr Hudson?”

“Possible”, Patty was the one to answer that, making them all look at her, “it’ll take a while though, that’s a lot of files. I’ll leave it running over night, then we might have a result until tomorrow morning.”

“Good idea”, Erin nodded, momentarily dismayed that they hadn’t thought of this sooner; then, she shrugged those thoughts off and told herself it was only important they had thought of it now, and were acting on it.

“I’ll do that, then”, Patty decided, “I’ll start it right now, luckily, I got more than one computer.”

She moved to the fastest of her machines, a bit regretful it would be busy with this task for the rest of the day and the night; it was for a good cause though, she told herself, and so, she quickly programmed the computer to go through all the personnel files and search for “Hudson”, “Dr Hudson” and “Doctor Hudson”, figuring she was covering all her bases with that.

Just when she had finished, Dr Gorin came back, looking somewhat annoyed; they all knew better than to ask her right away how it had went with Rowan, even Erin, who hadn’t been working with her that long, the four women watching in silence how she moved to the coffee machine and helped herself to a mug of the dark liquid, and how she took a few sip from it, before she finally let out a sigh and turned to face them.

“That man”, she announced, Erin forced to hold back a smile at her annoyed tone, the strongest emotion she had heard from Dr Gorin so far, “may be innocent, but he is insufferable.”

“Could have told you that before”, Holtzmann commented, shrugging at the look Dr Gorin shot her; then, the team leader let out another heavy sigh and shook her head, sitting down on the nearest chair, taking another sip of her coffee before she continued.

“I explained to him why this had to be done”, she let the others know, none of them making any comments now, just listening to what she had to say, “and he seemed to understand, at first, even told me that he tends to eat McDonald’s at his desk, but not at home, so it’s reasonable to think that the cup was taken from here. He nodded and was agreeable, but then, he started to make demands.”

“Let me guess”, Erin now did speak up, glad though when this didn’t earn her a look like the one Holtzmann had gotten, not sure she would have dared to speak on then, “he wants on this team once I leave. And probably some public apology once Hudson has been arrested.”

“Spot on”, Dr Gorin dryly replied, and Erin found herself unable to hold back a smile this time, knowing that from this woman, such words were high praise, the way Holtzmann gave her an impressed look showing that the blonde knew this, too, “and almost word for word, too, good job, Dr Gilbert. ‘Once Gilbert has left, I want in’, Dr North said, ‘and I want you to apologize to me, for humiliating me like this in front of everyone, you personally, not anyone else from your team’, in this arrogant tone he sometimes gets. He was not pleased when I told him that an apology is not a problem, though not in public, and that he will not get on my team, no matter if Dr Gilbert leaves or not.”

“Thanks”, Holtzmann sighed, shuddering theatrically, “the thought of working day in, day out with this man makes my skin crawl. He might be skilled enough to work here, but he is not a nice man, or a good colleague to have.”

“Nothing to thank me for”, Dr Gorin gave back, earning a happy smile from the forensic scientist, “I’d rather give up this whole team than let someone who doesn’t have the skill level I need for this work onto it. So Dr North will never be qualified, no matter which demands he makes. What are you all working on?”

The change of topic came so fast it made Erin blink, and Holtzmann looked a bit taken aback, as well; Patty recovered first and answered, letting Dr Gorin know that her program was searching through the medical files of the FBI’s staff, Abby speaking up next, telling her that she had found the current addresses of their list of suspects, and was planning to visit at least one of them, preferably two or even three.

“Good”, Dr Gorin nodded, “I suggest the four of you do this, and that you split up in teams of two. No one goes alone, Dr Hudson is still out there and dangerous, and we don’t know how many helpers he has. I’ll be here and contact you, should anything happen.”

“I’ll go with Patty”, Abby said at once, and even though she was Erin’s best friend, the redhead was selfishly happy about this, as it meant she would get to go with Holtzmann, “we’ve been staying at her place, so it makes sense.”

“We’ll go to a hotel after work”, Holtzmann remembered that it might be wise to tell her boss and the others about this decision, “after what happened to Erin’s place, that might be safer than just going to my home. I’ll text you once we know at which hotel we’ll be staying.”

Dr Gorin nodded her agreement to that, then wished them good luck with talking to the suspects; and once they all had grabbed their gear, complete with guns and handcuffs, the four women headed out, eager to get to work, hoping that perhaps, once of those visits might give them the hint they needed to catch Hudson and put him behind bars.


	28. Chapter 28

“We’ll be hitting up one Mr Theodore Bronsford first”, Holtzmann told Erin as they walked to her car, having decided that her civilian vehicle, which looked nothing like a car an agent from the FBI might be using, would be more unobtrusive than one of the fancier cars the FBI usually used, “he was a suspect for murder, couple of years ago, and, what a coincidence, a few months before he was suspected for killing a bunch of homeless men, he started seeing Dr Hudson. Apparently for constant heartburn, but I guess the good doctor not only prescribed him something for that.”

“I remember him”, Erin said, to Holtzmann’s surprise – she had read the file, and had known of course that Erin had been working on this case, even had been there when Bronsford had been interrogated, having watched from behind the two way mirror, to see if he was lying or telling the truth, but she hadn’t been expecting the psychologist to remember, considering how many cases Erin had worked on before the incident, and the fact that she only had been a consultant for the interrogation, and not part of the actual chase and arrest.

“He seemed honest, during the interrogation”, Erin continued, frowning to herself at the memories, “as if we really got the wrong guy. And we never could prove that he did it… But if Hudson taught him…”

“If Hudson taught him, he also might have taught him how not to leave any traces”, Holtzmann mused, making Erin nod, “which is why we could never pin it on him. Who knows, maybe Hudson also gave him something to keep him calm during interrogation, it always has been a risk that one of his… pupils… might blab when getting caught, so of course he wouldn’t want them to be apprehended.”

“And as a doctor, he did have access to a whole lot of prescription drugs”, Erin pondered, making the forensic scientist nod, “if he didn’t overdo it, and didn’t get any formal complaints, nobody might ever have checked, either. He must have been very careful.”

“I wonder how he chose them”, Holtzmann said, frowning to herself at the thought, Erin letting out a thoughtful “hm” as well in response, “like, how did he know whom to recruit for his schemes? If he had approached the wrong person with his ideas and teachings, he would have risked ending up arrested, without a chance to hide away as he did when he revealed himself to us.”

“He must have taken his time with them”, Erin gave back, getting a somewhat far-away look in her eyes, one Holtzmann had seen before, when Erin had demonstrated her extraordinary empathy and had allowed her mind to meld with a killer’s, “talked to them, made sure they would be… susceptible to his ideas. He must have gotten quite good at sniffing them out, over the years…”

She trailed off and fell silent, staring out the window now, still with that absent look in her eyes; and just when Holtzmann started to worry, she seemed to snap out of it, then let out a heavy sigh, her gaze briefly moving to the forensic scientist before she looked out the window again.

“You know”, she said, her voice soft now, barely above a whisper, Holtzmann finding it hard all at once to keep her focus on the road, sensing that she was about to be told something important, “I’ve always had… this skill. This empathy, which makes it so easy for me to think like someone else, to think like they did. So of course I decided to use this gift, to help others at first, then to help catch people who’d harm so many if nobody was there to stop them. And I know this was good, I know, but… sometimes, I… I wonder if I’ll get lost. If I’ll think like one of these killers, and then I won’t find my way back to my own thoughts. Or if I lose a bit of myself, every time I use this skill to delve into someone else’s mind…”

“You don’t”, Holtzmann said at once, with such conviction that it made Erin wonder how she could be so sure, the psychologist not asking though, just grateful for the immediate reassurance she had gotten from her colleague, the woman who was becoming a friend, “and you were right, it is a good thing to use this gift for the work we do. And if you ever do get lost… Abby, Patty and I will be right there to guide you back.”

“Thank you”, Erin gave back, oddly touched by those words, even though she couldn’t quite imagine how Holtzmann was planning to guide her back, should she truly get lost; she told herself not to dwell on this though, and focused on how good it made her feel to know that someone was supporting her this way, smiling a bit to herself as Holtzmann focused on the road again and kept driving, her worries and concerns for the moment forgotten.

* * *

“I don’t have to talk to you people”, the slightly chubby, pale man declared, glaring at Abby and Patty from beneath bushy eyebrows, unimpressed by their FBI badges, “you might have suspected me, but I was never arrested, and never in court.”

“True”, Abby agreed at once, and he blinked in surprise, clearly not having expected her to agree with him, “and we are not here to speak about that, Mr Delaney, well, not exactly. We are here to ask about you doctor.”

“My doctor”, Delaney replied, blinking, caught off guard enough to let it show, something both Abby and Patty noticed, “what doctor? I’ve been to a bunch, you know, therapists and what not, it was very stressful to be accused of murdering my wife.”

“I imagine”, Patty replied, unable to hold back a bit of snark, but the man apparently didn’t notice, only nodding solemnly, “but we’re not here about your therapist. We’re here to talk about Dr Phil Hudson.”

Both Abby and Patty could pinpoint the exact moment he lost all willingness to talk to them, the second he heard the man’s name; his face practically froze into a mask of indifference, his eyes growing cold and hard, and he actually took a step back, retreating into his home after having been standing in the doorframe the whole time.

“Dr Hudson is a wonderful doctor”, Delaney stated, sounding oddly mechanical now, as if he was reciting a statement he had practiced many times, “and I don’t know and don’t care about what you might want from him. He helped me much, before and after my wife’s death.”

“I bet he did”, Abby replied acidly, losing her patience – this was the third suspect they had visited, and the third to react like this, all three of them having clammed up the moment Hudson’s name had been mentioned, “did he also help you to kill her without anyone being able to pin it on you? I’ve been on the team during your case, as you surely remember, and I still think you did it.”

“Abby”, Patty said warningly, not wanting her to get into trouble – she understood why Abby was angry, felt angry herself, but after what Abby just had said, the man might just complain about her, and cause trouble, something neither of them wanted; and clearly, Abby realized this too after a moment, taking in a deep breath and closing her eyes for a second, somewhat calm again when she looked at Delaney once more.

“Fine”, she said, knowing they wouldn’t get anything else from him, reaching into her pocket and pulling out one of the business cards she always carried, “you change your mind and want to talk to us after all, give us a call.”

She expected him to not take it, to defy them one more time; and for a few seconds, it seemed as if she was right – until Delaney finally did reach out and took the card, pocketing it without looking at it, voice and eyes still cold when he asked if they were done, then.

“Yes”, Patty said before Abby could make any comment, “have a good day, Mr—”

He slammed the door in their faces, making them both flinch; then, Patty shook her head and let out a sigh, somewhat glad that this had been the last suspect they had visited that day, not willing to go through this hassle for a fourth time, after the three times which had led to nothing.

“Guess that didn’t work out the way we were hoping”, she commented, making Abby sigh and nod, “I’ll text Holtzy, ask how it’s going for them. I doubt they had more luck though.”

“Same”, Abby sighed, making her grimace, “honestly, for now, I just want to go home and take a bath. This has been so useless, we might as well have spent the day talking to walls.”

Patty grimaced and nodded, then pulled out her phone to send the text to Holtzmann as they walked back to the car, both of them feeling disheartened after the day’s failures, hoping that the next day would bring more success and that soon, they would get to a break in the case.


	29. Chapter 29

Just when Holtzmann parked her car in the garage of the hotel Erin and she had chosen – one not so close to the FBI building that it would have been an obvious choice for anyone who might be after them, but also one which wasn’t so far from the building that it would have been inconvenient – her phone vibrated in her pocket, and she paused to pull it out; a quick swipe showed her that it was a message from Patty, and she made a face at the contents, showing the phone to Erin afterwards so she could read it, too.

_No luck, visited three guys, none of them talked,_ Patty had written, _pls tell me you guys did better._

“I was afraid she’d tell us this”, Erin sighed, with an unhappy look at the screen, “seeing that it was just the same for us. Hudson really must have made sure to only choose those who would not rat him out, no matter what.”

“Maybe he has leverage over them”, Holtzmann mused as she started typing in her reply, letting Patty know that they had been just as unlucky, then adding the name and address of the hotel Erin and she had chosen, “something he can use to force them into not talking. Their families, or friends, or whatever…”

“Guess we’ll only find out once we got him”, Erin said, making the forensic scientist nod, Holtzmann then reaching for her door handle to get out of the car; before she could do so, Erin cleared her throat, and blushed visibly, prompting the blonde to pause and give her a questioning look.

“Um”, Erin let out, then cleared her throat, all at once finding it hard to look at Holtzmann, her cheeks somehow colouring even further, prompting Holtzmann to feel somewhat alarmed, “I… I know we haven’t known each other that long and it might weird you out, and I’d understand it fully if it’d make you uncomfortable, so you can say no, of course, but… would you mind… sharing a room with me? Instead of each of us getting her own? It would… it would help, I think…”

“Sure”, Holtzmann gave back at once, hiding it well that these words made her heart skip a beat, and scolding herself for feeling this way – Erin was asking her as a colleague, perhaps as a friend, and certainly not for any other, more intimate reason, and Erin only asked her because she would have felt unsafe otherwise, not because she actually wanted to share a room out of some romantic inclination.

She scolded herself for her initial reaction, telling herself once again that this crush was far from appropriate and wouldn’t lead anywhere, anyway; Erin looked so relieved though, it made her heart sing, and she smiled brightly at the psychologist, suddenly eager to reassure her that she truly had meant it when she had agreed.

“No problem at all”, she thus added, “and it doesn’t weird me out, or make me uncomfortable. It’s probably smarter and safer that way, we should stick closely together until we know who is spying on us for our creepy doctor.”

Erin nodded at once, cheeks still flaming, but the blush was slowly fading, after how well Holtzmann had reacted to the request; feeling ready to enter the hotel now, she opened the door on her side, prompting Holtzmann to do the same, grabbing their bags from the backseat before she walked to the entrance with Erin.

The man at the reception desk didn’t bat an eye when Holtzmann requested a room for the two of them, only asking if they wanted separate beds or a double; she immediately said that separate beds were what they wanted, and he did blink at that, Erin blushing again as this made her wonder if he thought they were a couple, then shrugging it off, telling herself it didn’t matter what some random reception desk clerk thought of them.

Holtzmann used her private credit card to pay for the room, something Erin approved of as she wasn’t sure the FBI would be willing to cover that expense; she made a mental note to offer Holtzmann half of what she was paying – the hotel wasn’t extravagant, but not exactly cheap, either, and the thought of letting Holtzmann pay for it alone made Erin feel bad, even though she knew that Holtzmann was having a well-paying job.

“Will you need two keys?” the man politely asked, Holtzmann and Erin exchanging a look before Holtzmann nodded; and once the keys had been handed over, they were free to go to their room, Holtzmann taking the lead, Erin right behind her, feeling the man’s eyes on her back as she walked.

“He’s trying to figure out if we’re a couple or not”, Holtzmann casually commented once they were out of earshot, unable to hold back a slight smirk, “he must have been pretty sure we are when we walked up to his desk, but it threw him when I said that separate beds are fine.”

“Poor him”, Erin showed sympathy, smiling a bit as well, suddenly feeling daring after how supportive Holtzmann had been minutes ago, outside in the car, “but, well, you know, not to sound weird or anything but… I can imagine worse things than someone thinking we’re a couple.”

To her amusement, Holtzmann blushed, in a rare reversal of their roles, and let out an “ahuuurm” sound; she had a second to wonder if she had been too daring, if she had made Holtzmann uncomfortable now after all – then the blonde smiled brightly, eyes sparkling behind her yellow glasses, and casually put her arm around Erin’s waist, unaware of the jolt she sent through the other woman’s body, and Erin was glad that she hadn’t noticed, once again worried that she might end up making Holtzmann uncomfortable after all.

“You know”, the forensic scientist then stated, keeping her arm were it was, Erin’s hip feeling warmer than usual where Holtzmann’s palm rested, “I can imagine much worse things, too.”

Erin smiled at her and nodded, then they reached their room and Holtzmann pulled her hand back after all; this made Erin feel a bit forlorn, for a few moments, but she strictly told herself not to be stupid, that they were colleagues, friends perhaps, at this point, but not more than that, and that it wouldn’t be wise to get her hopes up, despite the somewhat encouraging statement Holtzmann just had made.

As she entered the room, she felt a bit dismayed about the separate beds after all, thinking back to when Holtzmann and she had fallen asleep on her couch and had ended up cuddling during the night; that had been nice, and, as a bonus, being so close to Holtzmann had kept the nightmares away, her sleep back then having been undisturbed, dreamless, even, better rest than she’d had in quite a while.

She told herself again though that they were colleagues, friends, maybe, and that the night she spent cuddled up against Holtzmann on the couch didn’t mean anything going farther than friendship; and so, when Holtzmann asked her if the room was okay, she nodded, not letting her slight dismay about the separate beds show.

The room wasn’t big, but would do for now, Erin figured, since they didn’t need to stay there indefinitely, but only until Hudson and the mole he had at the FBI had been caught; it looked clean, and had all they needed, beds and a bathroom and even a coffee machine and a small hot plate, more than enough to let them stay there comfortably for a few days, perhaps even weeks.

“It’s good”, she thus said, making Holtzmann smile and nod; then, the forensic scientist tossed her bag onto the bed before she flopped down onto the mattress next to it, stretching and groaning as she got comfortable, suddenly aware of how tired she felt, after how they had been out and about for most of the day, talking to people who’d had no interest in talking to them.

“I probably should check my mail or something”, she said after just staring up at the ceiling for a bit, while Erin already had started putting her clothes into one of the two relatively small wardrobes, “but I don’t wanna. I just want to shower and sleep. You want the bathroom first?”

“No, you can go first”, Erin reassured her, zipping up her now empty bag and sitting down on her bed, “I don’t mind. I will check my mail while you’re in the shower, I guess that we both got the same mails, anyway, we both only work this case right now, no?”

“Yup”, Holtzmann confirmed, sitting up after a moment and yawning, but figuring that it would be rude to not have a shower after Erin so graciously had offered to let her use the bathroom first, “that’s a big one, especially since we discovered Hudson and his part in all those cases. No brainpower for any other cases left.”

Erin just nodded, then pulled her laptop from her bag, having brought it with her this time; and while she plugged it in and booted it up, Holtzmann vanished into the bathroom, the sound of running water coming up a minute later, telling Erin that the blonde had gotten into the shower.

She listened for a moment, then told herself that thinking of Holtzmann in the shower certainly wasn’t appropriate for a friend, pushing those thoughts aside rigorously as she focused on her laptop, soon getting lost in her work there, all thoughts of Holtzmann beneath running water forgotten.


	30. Chapter 30

To Erin’s slight surprise and bigger relief, it appeared as if only sleeping in the same room as Holtzmann was enough to keep the nightmares at bay; when her alarm clock rang and she opened her eyes, she felt refreshed and well-rested, smiling to herself as her gaze moved to the other bed.

Just like when Holtzmann had slept on her couch, she had burrowed deeply into the blanket, so that only her mop of blonde hair was visible; the vaguely Holtzmann-shaped lump beneath the blanket let out a groan and moved a bit, stilled again though when Erin switched off the alarm, a content sigh coming from the wrapped up forensic scientist as she relaxed again.

“I’ll go shower first”, Erin told the lump, earning a vaguely agreeing noise, “but when I get back out of the bathroom, you’ll have to get ready, or we’ll be late.”

“Mhm”, Holtzmann let out, muffled by the blanket; Erin smiled and shook her head to herself, then made her way to the bathroom, Holtzmann slipping back into a light doze while she heard Erin move around in there.

Anyone who didn’t know her would have thought she was going back to sleep, and would be hard to wake up; during the years she had worked for the FBI though, she’d had some of her best ideas in this no man’s land between full sleep and wakefulness, her mind then empty and relaxed enough to let her see connections she previously had missed, giving her ideas for both her devices and for the cases they were working on.

It didn’t happen every time she dozed like this, and she had learned to not try to force it, as that would make sure it wouldn’t happen; she just tried to think of nothing, to float in the warmth of the blanket and the softness of the mattress beneath her, and waited to see where her mind would take her.

She thought of Dr Hudson, of his office and of how he had looked at Erin; and she thought of the photo they had found, the photo he so strategically had placed where they would find it for sure, the photo he had gotten thanks to the mole.

She also thought of how Erin had reacted to the photo, how shaken and pale she had been; and of how Erin had been this close to quitting when she had seen that the man who had wounded her so badly had been one of Hudson’s students, that the doctor had had a hand in what had been done to her, years ago.

Thinking of this led her mind to how she had taken note of how Erin crossed her arms over stomach whenever she was uncomfortable, and of how she grimaced sometimes, just for a second, just long enough to let Holtzmann notice; it made her wonder if it still hurt, sometimes, and if it was actual physical pain or if it was caused by Erin’s mind, by the trauma she had gone through back then.

Erin had shown her the scar, she remembered, and even though she hadn’t gotten an all too close look at it, Holtzmann had been able to tell the wound had gone deep, before it had healed; she figured that it would make sense for it to actually hurt, but that it probably was a sort of combination, from both actual physical lasting damage and from the mental scars Erin had suffered from the ordeal.

She wished that she’d been on the team already back then, telling herself she would have saved Erin, and that she would have killed the man who had done this to the psychologist with her own bare hands to stop him.

“Holtzmann?” the voice of her thought’s subject tore her out of them, and she realized how long she had been dozing like this and had let her mind wander; Erin not only had gotten done with her shower, but had blow-dried her hair and had put on some light make-up, dressed and ready for the day, and here Holtzmann was, still all wrapped up in the blanket.

“Okay”, she mumbled into the pillow, forcing her eyes to open – she might not have gone back to full sleep, but she never had been a morning person, and she doubted she ever would become one, “I’m up. Honest. I’m up.”

“I’ll pull away the blanket”, Erin teased in response, laughing at the dramatic gasp Holtzmann let out in reply, “then you’ll have to get up. You do look adorable, all wrapped up like this, like some kind of blonde caterpillar, but we have to get going soon or we’ll be late. And you know Dr Gorin doesn’t like us to be late.”

“But still, what a betrayal”, Holtzmann intoned dramatically, throwing the blanket aside and making Erin laugh again by spreading her arms wide and flapping them up and down, in a poor imitation of wings, “behold, though! The Holtzmann caterpillar has turned into a beautiful butterfly and will now fly to the bathroom.”

“You do that”, Erin said, still smiling, feeling better than she had ever since she had started working with the team again; she had slept well, and Holtzmann was making her laugh early in the morning, making her feel content and good, the smile only fading slowly, and lasting for quite a while even after Holtzmann had vanished into the bathroom, her day off to a better start than she ever would have dared to expect.

* * *

Upon arriving at the lab, the four of them started their day with helping themselves to coffee, then reporting to Dr Gorin about how their visits to former suspects had been; none of them had had any luck, and they all realized that this meant that, for now, they were at a dead end – there were a few people left to check on, but Erin doubted any of them would talk to them, and she was pretty sure that the others would feel the same.

“I imagine we don’t need to speak to the ones left”, Dr Gorin said out loud what they all were thinking, to their relief, as it meant they wouldn’t waste another day talking to people who had no interest in speaking to them, “Dr Tolan, how is the search coming along? Your computer has been awfully loud this whole time, I hope this means that it’s hard at work and not about to explode.”

“It’s not gonna explode”, Patty reassured her while Holtzmann snickered, stopping though at the way Dr Gorin raised an eyebrow at her, “it’s not done yet though, poor thing has to look through so many files. I checked when I arrived, it’ll take a while longer before we get any results.”

“So for now, we hit a wall”, Erin sighed, with an unhappy look at the stack of files on her own desk, not quite feeling like carrying them back down to the archives yet, even though she knew she had to sooner or later, “we have no idea where Hudson might be, and we don’t know about the leak yet.”

“The program should be done before tonight though”, Patty reassured her, making her smile weakly again, “it’s taking a while, yes, but it’s surprisingly fast. I suggest we go through the files we do have again, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything.”

Erin held back a sigh at this, not liking the thought of staring at all this small print again; she knew that it had to be done though, and so, she just nodded and got to work, trying her best to not rub at her eyes every now and then, knowing this would only make it worse.

After a while, Abby and Patty declared they would make another trip down to the archive, just to make sure they had all the files they needed; they wandered off, and silence filled the lab again, the only sounds being Erin and Holtzmann turning the pages every now and then.

“Alright”, Erin declared after quite some more time had passed, stifling a yawn as she came to her feet, unable to hold back a grimace though when she stretched and an audible popping noise came from her back, “I’ll go get a coffee and a snack, or I’ll fall asleep and drool on these files. You want something, too, Holtz?”

“Coffee too please”, Holtzmann replied at once, looking up from her work and smiling brightly at the psychologist, unaware of the jolt she sent through the redhead with this, “and a sandwich, tuna on rye if they have it?”

Erin nodded and grabbed her back, then hurried to the elevator; focusing on her work again, Holtzmann heard Vern the mailman call out to Erin to hold the door as the psychologist entered the elevator, and automatically looked up, just in time to see the man push his cart into the elevator, smiling shyly at Erin as he thanked her.

Then, from the corner of her eye, she saw something blinking, and glanced over automatically, at the screen of Patty’s computer; and a moment later, her blood froze as she read the text displayed there now, her heart plummeting all the way to her stomach with a painful lurch.

**1 Match Found** , the screen declared, the letters bright red against the white background of the box which had popped up.

**Vernon Williams**

**Agent Status: None**

**Department: Administrative Staff / Mail**

Holtzmann looked over at the elevator again just in time to see the door close, to see Erin smile at something Vern had said… and then they were gone, Erin now alone in there with the man who had been to Dr Hudson not too long ago, and all Holtzmann could do for a few seconds was stare, unable to figure out what to do now, unable to figure out how to save her.


	31. Chapter 31

“Jillian?” Dr Gorin’s voice tore her out of her shock, enough to actually make her flinch visibly, “what is it?”

“Vern”, Holtzmann brought out, and Dr Gorin frowned – before she noticed the new image on Patty’s screen too and took a closer look, having a moment to look startled before Holtzmann practically jumped up from her chair, reversing their roles as now, it was Dr Gorin’s turn to flinch slightly.

“Erin just got into the elevator with him”, Holtzmann brought out, voice trembling, “she’s alone in there with him right now, he’ll do something to her, I just know it!”

“…she wanted to go to the cafeteria”, Gorin thought quickly, getting over her shock quickly, “that’s on the first floor. He can’t stop the elevator, he doesn’t have the clearance for that, so it’ll just go down there uninterrupted. You’re certain he’ll do something to her?”

“…maybe not”, Holtzmann had to admit, knowing it would be risky, almost suicidal, even – he’d have to make sure to kill Erin so she wouldn’t be able to tell anyone who had done it, and the ride wasn’t that long, but she knew how fast a lot of damage could be done with a knife, knew it better than most people, and the thought of Erin alone with this man made her stomach churn, “but we have to get him, now, it’s him, I’m sure it’s him!”

And with that, she took off, before Dr Gorin had the chance to say anything else; she heard the elder woman call out to her, but ignored her, running at full speed now, down the hall and to the stairway, knowing she had to be fast.

Part of her knew that she was running down the stairs way too fast, that this was dangerous; if she’d fall now, she could end up seriously hurt, but she couldn’t allow herself to slow down, gruesome images of Erin lying in the elevator in a pool of her own blood filling her mind as she ran.

Somehow, she made it down the stairs without falling, and now, she was grateful for the fact that even the people who worked more on the theoretical side of things had to fulfil the fitness requirements for the FBI; she was out of breath a little, as most people would have been, but much less badly than it could have been, and she still was capable of running, doing so now as she took off towards the elevator.

Just as the elevator came into view, the doors slid open, and her heart jumped up to her throat now instead of falling to her belly… and a moment later, her knees grew weak while her eyes went wide, an odd mixture of relief and disbelief filling her at the sight which presented itself to her.

Erin was leaning against the elevator wall, pale and breathing heavily, but appearing unhurt; and at her feet, Vern laid curled up, and from how he was cupping a certain part of his anatomy, Holtzmann could tell quite easily how Erin had taken him down after he had made his move.

She slowed down then, relieved, only to speed up again a second later as the doors began to close again; Erin reacted faster though, practically slamming her hand on the button which made them open again, and then Holtzmann was in the elevator with her, throwing all caution to the wind as she pulled her into a tight hug.

For a few moments, she just held her, and felt like crying when Erin hugged her back, holding on to her just as tightly, clearly shaken by whatever exactly had happened; her eyes were dry though when Holtzmann pulled back a bit to look at her, and some colour was returning to her face, signalling that she was already recovering, the blonde’s relief only growing at the sight.

“Are you alright?” she still asked, just to be on the safe side, at the same time frantically checking for blood or other signs of injury; she found none though, the psychologist’s clothes a bit rumpled, but not damaged, showing that whatever Vern had been planning to do, Erin had stopped him before he had been able to do much more than perhaps make a grab for her.

“I’m fine”, she confirmed verbally as well, letting out a slow, controlled breath afterwards, not wanting to lose her composure now that the threat actually wasn’t a threat anymore; several people had noticed something was happening, Erin could see them look their way over Holtzmann’s shoulder, and the forensic scientist was keeping the elevator doors open with one foot, so the elevator wouldn’t just get moving again and trap them with the downed man, “just… a bit shaken. He had a taser, unpacked it the moment the doors had closed and told me Dr Hudson was waiting for him to bring me there…”

Holtzmann wanted to throw up at hearing this, not wanting to imagine what Hudson might have done to Erin, had he really gotten his hands on her; then, she rigorously pushed those dark thoughts aside and told herself it didn’t matter, that Erin was safe and that Vern had been taken care of and wouldn’t take her anywhere.

“I kicked him in the balls”, Erin added, now sounding a bit surprised, as if she was only realizing now what she had done, “seems like I didn’t forget all of the hand to hand…”

“Good thing, too”, Holtzmann told her, pulling her pair of cuffs from her belt, eager now to make sure Vern wouldn’t recover and get away; Erin nodded, then watched how the blonde cuffed the still groaning man, only feeling fully safe now that Vern had his hands chained behind his back, unable to do much more than lie on the ground and groan in pain.

“Wait”, Erin seemed to realize something while Holtzmann grabbed Vern by the arm and yanked him to his feet, not all too gentle, but not caring much, “how did you know something was happening, anyway? You looked like you’d run down all the way to here from the lab when the elevator opened.”

“I did”, Holtzmann confirmed, Erin only looking more confused in response, “that was really fitting timing, you know, Patty’s program spat out Vern’s name just when he got into the elevator with you. So I had to get down here as fast as I could to make sure he can’t hurt you.”

“Aw”, Erin let out, touched by the younger woman’s obvious concern; Holtzmann gave her a small, almost shy smile which made her heart fly out to her, and all at once, Erin wanted to kiss her, wanted it so badly it almost hurt, and she had to take in another slow, controlled breath to stop herself.

She was oddly thankful when Vern let out a grunt as Holtzmann held him upright, and distracted her from those inappropriate thoughts; he glared at her, but she held his gaze calmly, not afraid of him, not with how he looked now, with his hands cuffed, his eyes watery and his face pale with bright red blotches on his round cheeks and throat.

“He’s gonna get you”, he pressed out, his voice trembling, showing Holtzmann that Erin’s hit still had an effect on him, “doesn’t matter that you stopped me. He’s got others. One of us will get you.”

“No one’s gonna get anyone”, Holtzmann sharply said, the sudden anger in her voice making Erin look at her instead of at the still trembling man, “and you certainly won’t. All you’ll do will be go to a cell.”

She dragged him out of the elevator, not all too gentle, but Erin figured he didn’t quite deserve gentleness; after a moment, she stepped out of the elevator as well, still feeling shaken up after what had happened, but much less than she would have expected, had someone described this scenario to her and asked her how she would have thought she’d feel then.

“What exactly is going on”, one of the agents who had witnessed part of the scene wanted to know, raising an eyebrow as he stared at Vern; Holtzmann just shrugged, not sure how much she could reveal, and wanting to speak to Dr Gorin first, a thought Erin shared, as she told him that for now, they couldn’t say for sure and asked to use his desk phone.

“Yeah, sure, go ahead”, he gave back, eying her curiously, but not asking any more questions; Erin thanked him, then quickly called Dr Gorin while Holtzmann made sure Vern wasn’t going anywhere, the blonde glaring at the cuffed man while Erin was on the phone, angry at him for what he had done, but also relieved that Erin had managed to take him down before anything horrible might have happened to her.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait for this chapter >_< I promise I'll do better XD

“Vern the postman, huh”, Abby said a while later, raising an eyebrow while Patty shook her head, Dr Gorin being the only one who didn’t show an open reaction, leaning against Holtzmann’s desk with her arms crossed over her chest, “I never would have thought he could be the mole. He always seemed so nice.”

“That’s what people often say about serial killers after they got caught”, Patty pointed out, Abby grimacing in response, “and now that I think about it, it does make a certain kind of sense. None of us suspected him, but he can get almost everywhere, and I bet many people don’t even notice him. Who knows what sort of things he hears during the days…”

“He could also get down to the archive, without anyone suspecting anything”, Erin pointed out, making the others nod, all of them knowing that the files about the case which had prompted her to stop being an active agent were down there, in said archive, “part of his duties is to take the old files down there once they’re not needed anymore. All Hudson had to do was tell him what to look for, and he could get it for him, no problem.”

“It’s a good thing your program got done when it did, Patty”, Holtzmann spoke up, making them all look at her as she grimaced, “cause if it hadn’t… Well, Erin took him out when he tried something, but…”

“But that doesn’t mean we’re safe now”, Erin finished for her, grimacing as well, Holtzmann letting out a sigh as she nodded her agreement, “he might send someone else, by now, he probably figured out that his plan backfired. And if he didn’t, he will soon, he’s proven to be smart, he’ll know it went wrong when Vern doesn’t contact him.”

“Speaking of Vern”, Dr Gorin commented, straightening up and clearing her throat, “I do believe he has been stewing in a cell long enough for now, he might be willing to talk at this point. Dr Gilbert, I would like you to come to the interrogation with me.”

Erin nodded at once, but Holtzmann didn’t look all too happy at the thought; she didn’t say anything, but Erin could tell she would have, had anyone else suggested it, that only the fact that it had been Dr Gorin who had had the idea kept her from voicing her obvious dismay about the idea openly.

“He might be more willing to talk if I’m there”, Erin said, with a brief look at Holtzmann, explaining it more to her than anyone else, “since Hudson sent him after me. And me being there will show that I’m not afraid of him, or of Hudson, if he has some way to contact him, he might tell him that.”

“My thoughts exactly”, Dr Gorin nodded, “and even if he can’t contact Dr Hudson, just seeing you there might push him into talking. He must be angry that he failed in his task, seeing you there as some sort of walking proof of his failure will only make him feel angrier. But have no worries, Dr Gilbert, he’ll be cuffed and won’t be able to lay a hand on you.”

“I took him out once”, Erin gave back, the sudden cold confidence in her voice making Holtzmann smile a bit, despite her worries about this whole idea, “I can do it again, in case he does get any ideas.”

“That won’t be necessary, but I like your confidence”, Dr Gorin said, in her usual dry tone; Erin saw that compliment for what it was though, and smiled a bit as she shrugged, nodding when Dr Gorin asked her if she was ready to go then.

Before she could get moving though, Holtzmann stopped her by placing one hand on her arm, a short, but reassuring touch; and when Erin looked over at the forensic scientist, she could see the silent plea to be careful in the other woman’s eyes, feeling touched by the concern and the care Holtzmann showed for her, just nodding just as quietly before she left the room with Dr Gorin, ready to face Vern and to see how much he might be willing to tell them.

* * *

Just as Dr Gorin had promised, it had been made sure that Vern wouldn’t be able to attack anyone; his hands were cuffed to the interrogation table he was sitting at, the chain too short to even allow him to stand up, and all he could do when Erin and Dr Gorin entered was to glare at them, Erin holding his gaze calmly, a bit surprised, but also glad to see that she wasn’t scared of him the slightest.

“Hello, Mr Williams”, Dr Gorin was the first to speak, Vern moving his glare from Erin to her in response, “I’m Dr Rebecca Gorin, and you already know Dr Gilbert here.”

“Having me in here won’t change anything”, Vern replied, his gaze moving back to Erin, “sooner or later, Dr Hudson will get what he wants. He always gets what he wants.”

“He’s welcome to try”, Dr Gorin dryly said, unimpressed by his threats, “we are well aware of his intentions and believe me, Dr Gilbert can handle herself. As you saw when you tried to attack her. Tell me what Hudson wanted you to do for him.”

“I won’t tell you shit”, Vern spat in response, the chains between his cuffs rattling as he moved a bit on the chair, “you won’t get anything from me, you might as well let me rot in here.”

“Oh, no worries about that”, Dr Gorin coldly replied, “you’ll be moved straight to a cell from here, no matter what you tell us. The question is just how long you will end up sitting in this cell. Cooperating with us might lessen your sentence, a fact I’m sure you’re aware of, but let me point it out once more just in case. You talk, you get less jail time.”

“I don’t care if I go to jail”, Vern replied at once, not really surprising Erin – so far, none of the people they had tried to talk to about Hudson had been willing to say anything, and she was quite sure that Vern wouldn’t talk, either, but figured that they did have to try, “I won’t say a word about him. He’ll take care of this for me.”

“He won’t”, Erin said, Gorin looking at her from the corner of her eye, not having expected her to react to this, and certainly not so bluntly, “you might think he’s your friend, that he cares for you, but he doesn’t. You’re a tool for him, one he finished using now and which he will discard, no longer having any use for you.”

“That’s a lie!” Vern roared, jerking up in his seat, the cuffs stopping him from getting up fully though, “you’re a liar! He will help me, he will get me out of this, he’s my friend!”

“He’s not”, Erin coolly gave back, not appearing very impressed by his outburst; he grit his teeth at her in response, like some sort of rabid animal, and she crazily thought to herself that he might have tried to bite her, had she been close enough to him.

“He doesn’t care for you”, she went on anyway, not flinching when he let out an angry grunt in response, “he cares for nobody but himself. He uses people, it’s what he does, makes them do his dirty work for him.”

“You’re lying”, Vern gave back, clenching his fists in helpless anger, sinking back into his chair as the cuffs wouldn’t let him straighten up fully, “he’ll help me. I know he will.”

“We’ll speak again in a week”, Erin told him in response, Gorin raising an eyebrow, but not saying anything, “perhaps, after he’s left you in here to rot for this time, you’ll see he won’t help.”

And with that, she turned and left the room without another word, feeling Vern’s angry stare on her back; Dr Gorin followed suit, not saying a word still, and not looking back, either, both of them hearing the angry shout Vern let out just before the door fell close behind them.


	33. Chapter 33

“He’s gonna try again”, Erin sighed quite a while later, back in the hotel room with Holtzmann, the women sitting on their beds and eating pizza they had picked up on the way home from the lab, “I just know he will. Vern said that Hudson wanted him to take me somewhere, he’ll know by now for sure it didn’t work, so he’ll try again. Send someone else or maybe show up himself.”

“I really wonder how he does it”, Holtzmann pondered out loud in reply, interrupting herself with a bite of pizza and, to Erin’s relief, taking the time to chew and swallow before she continued, “how he keeps them all from talking. We’ve spoken to a bunch of former patients and none of them was willing to talk about him, and even when Dr Gorin told Vern it would lessen his sentence if he talked, he refused.”

“He either is very convincing”, Erin replied, forcing herself to eat as well even though she didn’t quite feel like having any food, knowing she had to though, “or he… gives them something, perhaps some drug cocktail to keep them compliant. Honestly, with how fanatically loyal they all seem, he reminds me more of a cult leader than of a doctor.”

“Pretty much, yeah”, Holtzmann nodded, Erin letting out a small sigh before she ate another slice of pizza, “there might be drugs involved, but I think he can be very convincing and charismatic, if he wants to be. He did talk someone into committing suicide, when he was still at college and had no access to the drugs he’d need.”

“A good point”, Erin had to agree, finally giving up on her half eaten pizza and pushing the carton aside; to her amusement, Holtzmann asked if she still wanted to eat that and, once Erin had shaken her head, grabbed the remains of her pizza, munching it down after she had eaten her own.

“Apart from the team no one knows we’re staying here, right”, Erin said while Holtzmann ate, smiling at how content the forensic scientist looked, even as she admired her skill to eat so much without exploding, “the last thing we need is for him or someone else to show up here in the middle of the night.”

“Nobody but the team knows”, Holtzmann confirmed, to Erin’s obvious relief, kicking the pizza boxes to the floor and stretching out on her bed, “we didn’t even add the bill to our expenses account yet, so nobody else has any idea, and there’s no paper trail. But hey, if someone does show up, no matter who, you can take care of them like you did with Vern, that was really impressive.”

“That was some weird instinct, I didn’t think about what I was doing”, Erin told her, making a face as she thought back to those moments, to the flash of fear she had felt when Vern’s face had changed to a hateful grimace and the taser had appeared in his hand, “he looked at me as if he wanted to kill me right there, and had the taser, so I just… reacted. I’m not sure what I would have done, had I allowed myself to think about it.”

She crossed her arms over her stomach, a protective gesture she by now performed without thinking; this time though she was made aware of it, as Holtzmann reached out and placed one hand on her forearm, her fingers calloused from working with tools and devices and from building things, but still gentle, a flash of warmth running through Erin’s whole body at the gentle touch.

“Don’t talk yourself down like that”, Holtzmann said solemnly, Erin feeling her cheeks heat up in response, “you did just the right thing, at the right moment. And you could do it again if you have to, but let’s hope it won’t be necessary.”

Erin could only nod, suddenly finding it hard to speak; Holtzmann apparently sensed this, not pulling back her hand, but just leaving it there, even rubbing her arm reassuringly a bit, glad when the psychologist managed a weak smile at her.

“He might try again”, the forensic scientist said after another moment, still not pulling back her hand, making Erin wonder if she knew that this gentle touch had quite the effect on her or if she was hiding it well enough to not let Holtzmann notice, “but he won’t get near you, I promise. You can look after yourself, you’ve proven that you can, and we’ll be there to help and make sure he won’t get near you.”

“Thank you”, Erin finally managed to say, and somehow even could bring those two words out without having her voice tremble, “I appreciate that, I mean… we don’t know each other that long yet but… it’s good to know people have my back.”

“Of course we do”, Holtzmann confirmed at once, Erin feeling a bit disappointed when she pulled her hand back now after all, her skin still tingling where it had been resting until moments ago, “come on, we’re colleagues. Friends. We’ve all got your back.”

Erin just smiled in response, wishing that Holtzmann would touch her again, a wish she pushed aside rigorously though, telling herself again that this wasn’t appropriate, and that it probably wouldn’t lead anywhere anyway; still it took her a few moments to push the inappropriate thoughts out of her mind fully, and she found herself wondering if Holtzmann had similar feelings, no matter how inappropriate this train of thought was now.

If she did, Erin thought to herself, she was remarkably good at hiding them, even from a trained psychologist and profiler like Erin herself; for a moment, she felt tempted to focus her skill and knowledge on Holtzmann, try to find out if Holtzmann did have any sort of feelings other than friendship for her, knowing she could do it if she really set her mind to it.

She knew how to read people after all, knew how to connect to them, could use her empathy to almost think exactly like them… but she also knew that this wasn’t just inappropriate, but also highly unethical, and she scolded herself for even considering it, glad that she’d managed to keep her face fairly neutral the whole time, not giving any of her thoughts away.

“We should get some rest”, she said out loud, instead of using her skill on the forensic scientist, “the mole has been caught, one of them, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t more, and who knows what he will come up with next. We should be well-rested for whatever he wants to throw at us.”

Holtzmann nodded, still taking a moment to polish off the rest of the pizza and throw the then emptied boxes into the trash; and once that had been taken care of, they both got ready to get some sleep just as Erin had suggested, the psychologist yawning to herself as she went through her evening routine in the bathroom, only now realizing how tired she was.

She was tired, drained, even, after all the excitement of the day; and still, once they both had gone to bed, she laid awake, staring at the ceiling in the dark as she heard Holtzmann breathe in the bed next to her own, unable to shut down her mind as she kept thinking about the blonde and about the feelings she was starting to develop for her.


End file.
